DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY
My final tip in my 12 Choices for Happiness series for August is to stop personalizing everything. I left this one til last because it's the biggest stumbling block I have in the area of maintaining my happiness. I am a great one for over-thinking everything and taking responsibility for stuff that isn't really about me. I tend to worry about anything and everything and then let that seep into my soul and suck the happiness right out of my day.
There are a few things I need to remember when I want to slow this process down (I'm hoping to stop it one day but I'll take a reduction in frequency as a positive first step along the way!) I've noted a few pointers I'm working on below.
SELF ABSORPTION
Life can seem a bit dull and gray at times. We can get caught up in our own little world and forget to appreciate all the small things that we take for granted. We become so absorbed in ourselves and forget to acknowledge the contributions of the people around us. We don't hear the compliments, we don't notice the little acts of kindness, and we wonder why we're feeling a bit flat.
KNOW YOUR INTRINSIC WORTH
We all need to find our sense of worth outside of anything we do or achieve. Every time we place our self worth in the hands of others we risk losing our happiness. People are fallible and even the ones we love the most can undervalue us or hurt us. We need to have an intrinsic sense of who we are and what really matters to us to help us smile through the ups and downs of life.
If we let others define our values and priorities we begin to say yes to everything, and wonder why we are left so exhausted and drained. We need to value our time and abilities, and not sell them to the lowest bidder. Knowing our worth is at the heart of learning to treat ourselves kindly.
WHAT IS IT ABOUT SAYING "NO"?
I don't know if it's an oldest child thing, or a generational thing, or a personality thing, but I know I have a lot of trouble saying "No" to people. I want everyone to be happy, I want them to be happy because I agreed to help them. I want to facilitate things for everyone and supposedly in the process, for myself as well.
The problem is that saying "Yes" to everyone and everything usually means I end up over-committed and stressed. I end up running around after other people and not taking care of my own needs.
SEEK THE SUNBEAMS
A great way to increase the happiness in your life is to choose to look for the silver lining in a situation. No matter how dark the cloud, somewhere in amongst the thunderstorm there is a ray of sunshine. It might only be a tiny sunbeam, but it will be there and it gives us hope and helps us steer through a difficult situation with a degree of optimism rather than letting the situation beat us down.
DEALING WITH DRAMA
One of the many drains on happiness is getting embroiled in other people's drama. You can have your own life under control and going along smoothly, but get hijacked by being drawn into the emotional upheavals of the people around you. It might be a family member, a friend, a work colleague, or a casual acquaintance, but the impact on our own happiness can be quite significant.
CHOOSE GRATITUDE
Gratitude would be one of the top contributors to happiness. If we choose to be grateful for the circumstances of our life and the people we share our lives with, then we are well on the way to being happy without having to do much else.
MEMORIES
As my 12 Choices for Happiness month continues I want to talk about "seeking opportunities to create memories". I read about this somewhere back in 2011, and it really struck a chord with me because positive memories of fun occasions instil in us a sense of happiness and are often great ways to combat times when we feel a little bit flat or unappreciated.
CHANGE YOUR VIEW ON FORGIVING
Forgiveness is a huge factor in happiness. Holding on to unforgiveness in our hearts will sap our joy in every aspect of our lives. When we hold a grudge against someone for a perceived hurt, we carry that anger and pain around inside us every day. When we feel hurt in our heart and soul from something someone did or said to us then that becomes a driving force in our lives. It can lead to resentment, revenge or just an ongoing sense of misery and unsettledness.
We base a lot of our ideas about forgiveness on the other person seeking restitution and re-connection. We long to hear them apologize and to have acknowledgement of the pain they caused us and the offence we've taken often can't be let go of until this occurs. But what happens if the other person doesn't feel they were in the wrong? What happens when you don't get the apology you believe you deserve? How do you move forward?
THE BUSYNESS OF LIFE
Life has a habit of speeding up and stressing us out. We are always so busy and our timetables are so full. We seem to be on the go from the moment our alarm goes off in the morning until the time we crawl back into bed at the end of a long, tiring day. Stress and busyness are two of the biggest killers of happiness - they stop us pausing and appreciating the moment. They hustle and harrass us and we are left feeling wilted and drained instead of cheerful and on top of things.
