I have come to realize over time that I am a bit of a performance freak. I base my self esteem on how others see me and whether I have positive interactions. That is a ridiculous gauge for measuring my qualities on! I need to take a step back and find my sense of self from within rather than from others.
One of the things I've noticed as I've been writing this blog is that, although it is primarily a journal to myself, I love that other people read it too. The problem is that I look at other people's blogs and all the hard work they do to increase their audience and their comments section etc and I'm just not that type of blogger.
I read an interesting post on Rocked by Life on why she turned off her comments section and there were several points that really resonated with me:
1. I don't comment enough on other people's blogs - I love reading them and seeing what is happening in other people's lives, but I don't usually have anything really worthwhile to contribute to the conversation and I don't want to be the person who comments with a trivial remark.
2. I don't want my posts to be about numbers - I love seeing how many people visit my page, but I'm happy for that to be my marker, rather than being happy or disappointed if they don't comment.
3. For me the post is about what I want to write, rather than trying to word it to get a few comments. If someone is truly moved by what I've said they can always comment on it on Google+ or email. As Naomi says in her blog "I want this content to be based on my life, beliefs and experiences. It’s so easy to get sucked into the formula for generating comments. I want it to be authentic, comments or no."
4. Finally, I don't know what I'd do if someone wrote something less than complimentary - it would kill me a little bit inside. So I'm preempting that by just writing and being happy if people stop by and read and then move on to the next blog - there is a lot of great stuff out there and I just want to be part of the online community without being too swamped - sort of an introverted blogger (you'll never find me at a bloggers' conference or any large group gathering for that matter - too scary!)