|UW Marching Band drummers perform during |
a football game at Camp Randall Stadium.
by Jeff Miller 2000
I've been married to my dearly beloved husband for 32 years and it has taken me most of that time to work out that he marches to the beat of a completely different drum than the one I'm busy marching to. He comes across as sensible and ordered and competent - and he is all of those things, but he is also creative and easy going and apparently (I only found this out a year ago) he doesn't like to make plans. This last revelation threw me completely - we always make plans! We know what is happening and where we are going and what we are doing weeks in advance. The penny dropped when I realized that we know these things because I make plans! Everything is so streamlined that I didn't notice that it was me who was the driving force.
He is very smooth in his delegating of these things - case in point is gift buying. I have bought presents for every member of both our families since we were married - he is very complimentary and tells me how I have a talent in this area......meanwhile he is completely off the hook when it comes to finding yet another Mothers Day present or an engagement present or whatever else is needed. Because I am "the planner" apparently, I have all these occasions neatly filed in my brain and have gifts bought in time for them - he just goes with the flow and I never really noticed - Shrewd! ......Although I must admit he is excellent when it comes to buying gifts for me - so there is some balance in the equation.
I've also struggled constantly with the fact that he doesn't stay in full-time 9-5 work for any length of time - he much prefers to be working freelance and having flexible work time and schedules. I have been trying to squash him into the working husband box for all of our married life without stopping for a moment to see that he doesn't march to that drumbeat at all. I've kept pounding away at the 9-5 because I thought that was what I needed to do until he woke up one day and realized that it was his responsibility to do this and you know what? It's not! He's allowed to work how he likes without me making him feel bad about it and I can now step out of my 9-5 working box and have some freedom too. Maybe his drum is better than mine or maybe it's not but finally - after 33 years - I'm working out that it's okay to have more than one drumbeat marking time in our dance of life.
|Burning Man 2013 by Tristan Savatier|