dying young (or not)

too late to die young


I think I spent way too much time in my younger days worrying about what would happen if I died young. Maybe it was the worrying thought of leaving my small children behind and whether my husband would remarry and all those strangely macabre scenarios that I now realize were a total waste of brain time and space.

I had thought it all out - I wanted a nice photograph of myself on the mantle - so any new women coming into my home would know that I had been deeply loved, and was greatly missed.....and that I was keeping a close eye on things. I wasn't sure whether I was going to need one of those professional soft-focus ones where I looked all glamorous and lovely, or whether I should settle for a more relaxed looking picture.


I had decided on my funeral arrangements - a cremation and my ashes placed in a lovely urn with a weeping angel on the top. The image of this angel has subsequently needed to be clarified after the whole Dr Who-weeping-angel-debacle. Also where the placement of this urn would be - at home next to the aforementioned photo or in a cemetery (I strongly suspect I would be relegated fairly quickly to a cemetery where I wouldn't be creeping out the visitors).

midlife blog ~ cresting the hill


I had chosen some of my funeral songs - Rich Mullins "Elijah" (Elijah) and Wendy Matthews "The Day You Went Away" (You went away) were my top two choices. They were both about leaving everyone behind.......then a few years ago my husband mentioned that I might have to rethink my selections because it wasn't looking like I was dying any time soon and less and less likely that I'd be going out "with a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire"! That brought me up short......where had all those years gone? When did I stop being young with so much to leave behind, and reach an age where dying wouldn't be all that unusual?

Fortunately I hadn't gone so far as to write my own eulogy or obituary (my dad had written his, and he had sung his own praises far and wide - almost forgetting to mention his wife of 50+ years and there was absolutely no mention of his three children - ahhh the joys of being a narcissist). I also hadn't gone through the old photo albums choosing my photo montage shots either (not too many to choose from because I belonged to the era of rolls of film with 24 shots - of which maybe 15 were acceptable after they were developed!) 


So, apart from keeping my eyes open for a nice angel statue to put aside for the big day, I am putting my funeral arrangements on hold and living my life for the moment. I've seen both my children's weddings and I have grandbabies to look forward to, so I don't want to rush off this planet just yet. Besides that, the glamour photo would have to be very soft-focus to hide all the crinkles and I have no idea what songs I'm going to choose now that my favourites aren't age appropriate.

I'm not sure why I was so fixated on the idea of dying young, but I am really glad it didn't happen and  that I'm still around to keep an eye on things (instead of doing it from the mantle shelf!)


Have you ever thought of what it would be like to die? Have you any wishes for your funeral? Or are you more pragmatic and living life in the moment?


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