THE VIEW FROM MIDLIFE MOUNTAIN
Saturday, 24 November 2018
INTRO
Today is the very last of my Social Saturday guest posts and I have the lovely Lisa Ricard Claro to send us off with a great post about the lessons she learned from downsizing her home to something more manageable for Midlife. She's also offering a fabulous prize to three lucky readers at the end of the post - how great is that? So, without further ado, let me pass you over to Lisa.
CAN BEING SAD BE GOOD FOR YOU?
Monday, 19 November 2018
HAPPINESS AND SADNESS
I write a lot about happiness - it's a topic that I'm very fond of. I'm learning that we create our own happiness and it's important to take responsibility for how we choose to react to the circumstances and people in our lives. However, there's two sides to every coin and I'm learning that it's okay to be sad too.CREATING BOUNDARIES IN MIDLIFE
Monday, 12 November 2018
LEARNING TO CREATE BOUNDARIES
Boundaries were a whole new realm for me when I discovered them a few years ago. I think most of what I've learned has come from Brené Brown and her thoughts on having the courage to draw a line in the sand and say "No" - even when we know it will disappoint others. To place value on our own needs and health for a change.I've learned to define my boundaries by a) What I'm responsible for and b) What I'm NOT responsible for and I thought I'd share how I'm breaking that down at the moment.
WHAT I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR
MY HAPPINESSThe idea that my happiness depended entirely on me was a huge concept to wrap my head around - releasing other people and their choices from the equation of what "makes me happy" is really hard for me, but so important if I want to find a centred contentement that isn't buffeted by the whims of others.
SAYING NO
The people pleaser in me feels compelled to say "Yes" to everyone's request - to find the extra time, to make the sacrifice, to do things that aren't convenient or appealing. But, the more confident "Me" is learning to say "No" if I need the space and it is an imposition. Finding the balance between not being selfish, and looking after myself is the line I'm juggling at present.
MY CHOICES
I choose my story - I choose whether I'm going to look for the positive in a situation, or whether I'm going to let the rain clouds win. I choose whether I take offence or let it go. I choose whether to say "Yes" or "No". I choose how I spend my time and what I invest myself into. I choose who I surround myself with - and who I cut loose. My life, my choices - and it's liberating to have the courage to choose what's best for me over what looks right to others.
MY REACTIONS
Good and bad things happen to everyone, how I react to the good and bad in my life is up to me. If I look for the negatives I'll always find them and that will colour my world view. If on the other hand I make a point of focusing on gratitude and how full my glass is, then I view my situation in a completely different light. It all boils down to how I react to the situation I'm in - and looking for the positives is the first step.
WHAT I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR
OTHERS CHOOSING TO BE OFFENDEDI've struggled at times with people taking offence. It seems that the people who we are closest to are the ones who read motivation into our interactions that was never intended to be there. I can be genuinely sorry they are upset, but I can't live my life tip toe-ing around on eggshells, second guessing every word that comes out of my mouth. Ultimately they make the choice to be offended and I need to offer an apology if it's warranted and then leave the ball in their court.
FIXING EVERYONE
This is a big one for me - I think it's the oldest child syndrome coming into play. I want everyone to be happy, I want misunderstandings fixed, I want broken relationships fixed, I want emotionally messed up people to be fixed, I want things to be simple and "good". But, it's not up to me to fix everyone - I'm not Dr Phil - and even he doesn't have a 100% track record. It's not my job to fix everyone and everything - (note to self!)
EVERYONE AGREEING WITH ME
I like to think I'm right - I genuinely believe that I'm right - but that doesn't mean that I am. And even if I am right, it doesn't mean everyone will hold the same opinion as me. The world is full of shades of grey - and it gets greyer as I get older! Everyone interprets things based on their own back story and even black and white can differ from person to person. I have to accept that often people will disagree with my point of view - and that's okay.
EVERYONE APPROVING OF ME
This is another big one for me - I am such an approval seeker! I want to be liked, I want people to think I'm a good person and that I have value. But I can't control how others perceive me. Once again, it comes back to their own world view, their own history, their own split second judgement of me. I can only be myself, authentically true to my own beliefs and values and leave the approval in the hands of others - scary but liberating too.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Have you figured out the concept of boundaries? Are you able to separate what's your responsibility out from the mix? Are you free from worrying about the opinions of others?
BEFORE YOU GO:
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IT'S BEEN FOUR YEARS AND TIME FOR A CHANGE
Thursday, 8 November 2018
WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?
I started this blog in November 2014 - four years ago! It seems like only yesterday I had the whim to write my thoughts down somewhere. I had no idea where to start, didn't bother doing all the research and soul searching that others did before they began blogging. I just picked the cheapest, simplest blogging format out there and jumped right in.ANOTHER YEAR OLDER - ANOTHER YEAR WISER?
Monday, 5 November 2018
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
The world has turned, a year has passed and it's time for another birthday. I should be older and wiser than I was in November last year, so what have I learned in the last 12 months? It feels like the answer is "not much", but there have been a few things I've absorbed and I thought I'd share them - lessons can be challenging, but if we use them to grow and develop then they weren't for nothing.
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