SCARCITY VERSUS GENEROSITY
I've mentioned before that I've struggled my whole adult life with frugality and
having a scarcity mindset. The need to squirrel away whatever income we had to pay the bills and to
make ends meet was very important for the first few decades of life. Despite the need to save, there were still worthy causes to support -
the church, overseas orphans, or local charities, and it felt good to be
able to contribute where we could.
Now all that frugality has paid off, and we're in a comfortable, debt free
3rd third of life.....but it's been a battle to shed that scarcity fear
and to live larger. The key for me has been to learn to be more
generous with myself and with others.....
THE GIFT OF GIVING
We're certainly not rolling in spare cash these days, but we're
comfortable. And just as we settled into this lovely stage of life, my mother sold her
family home and moved closer to us and into a small unit she has owned in
our area. She made quite a windfall from the sale of her house, and used
some of it to generously gift some funds to her children and
grandchildren.
Being on the receiving end of her generosity was a true joy, but an even
greater joy was to be able to re-gift some of that bounty on to our children
to add to what she'd given them. They're young and paying mortgages,
building their lives, and establishing themselves.....their needs are far
greater than ours. It brought me such a feeling of warmth to be able to help
them out in a small way. It also reminded me that holding onto everything
with a tight fist to stay "safe" steals joy from our lives and our souls.
GENEROSITY FROM A BIOGRAPHY
A little while ago I saw this photo and story on Facebook that showed how generosity can be absorbed by our children, and passed
on to future generations. I hope my mother's generosity, that allowed us to
also be generous, will be something our adult children absorb and pass on to
others along the way. They've seen it expressed charitably through their
childhood, but this was a different version, one that was more personal
- and maybe more impactful in their lives.
Now to finish with the Facebook story from Katharine Hepburn, it's worth
reading......
“Once when I was a teenager, my father and I were standing in line to buy tickets for the circus. Finally, there was only one other family between us and the ticket counter. This family made a big impression on me. There were eight children, all probably under the age of 12. The way they were dressed, you could tell they didn't have a lot of money, but their clothes were neat and clean. The children were well-behaved, all of them standing in line, two-by-two behind their parents, holding hands. They were excitedly jabbering about the clowns, animals, and all the acts they would be seeing that night. By their excitement you could sense they had never been to the circus before. It would be a highlight of their lives.
The father and mother were at the head of the pack standing proud as could be. The mother was holding her husband's hand, looking up at him as if to say, "You're my knight in shining armour." He was smiling and enjoying seeing his family happy. The ticket lady asked the man how many tickets he wanted? He proudly responded, "I'd like to buy eight children's tickets and two adult tickets, so I can take my family to the circus." The ticket lady stated the price. The man's wife let go of his hand, her head dropped, the man's lip began to quiver. Then he leaned a little closer and asked, "How much did you say?" The ticket lady again stated the price. The man didn't have enough money. How was he supposed to turn and tell his eight kids that he didn't have enough money to take them to the circus?
Seeing what was going on, my dad reached into his pocket, pulled out a $20
bill, and then dropped it on the ground. (We were not wealthy in any sense of
the word!) My father bent down, picked up the $20 bill, tapped the man on the
shoulder and said, "Excuse me, sir, this fell out of your pocket." The
man understood what was going on. He wasn't begging for a handout but
certainly appreciated the help in a desperate, heartbreaking and embarrassing
situation. He looked straight into my dad's eyes, took my dad's hand in
both of his, squeezed tightly onto the $20 bill, and with his lip quivering
and a tear streaming down his cheek, he replied; "Thank you, thank you, sir.
This really means a lot to me and my family." My father and I went back
to our car and drove home. The $20 that my dad gave away is what we were going
to buy our own tickets with.
Although we didn't get to see the circus that night, we both felt a joy inside us that was far greater than seeing the circus could ever provide. That day I learnt the value of Giving. The Giver is bigger than the Receiver. If you want to be large, larger than life, learn to Give. Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything.
The importance of giving, blessing others can never be over emphasised because there's always joy in giving. Learn to make someone happy by acts of giving.”
~ Katharine Hepburn
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Have you experienced generosity in your life from an unexpected source?
Have you been able to be generous to others financially or in other ways?
I'd love to hear some of your stories in the comments.
RELATED POSTS
BEFORE YOU GO:
If you'd like to know when I write a new post, please click HERE for email updates.
If you'd like to comment but not here on the blog, feel free to
email me at
leanne.crestingthehill@gmail.com - I'd love to hear from you.
And please share this post by clicking on a share button before you
go.
Once or perhaps even twice I've offered to pay for a strangers groceries. It's usually a mom with much younger kids with her who looks frazzled and forgot her wallet or just doesn't have enough. They usually look skeptical at first and then offer to pay me back but I always just ask that they pay it forward. I think those random acts of kindness end up being so much larger than we think they are.. it's not something I think of very often but I bet if I had been on the receiving end when I was dragging my three tots to the store and struggling to pay bills I'd never have forgotten it.
ReplyDeleteHi Jo - that's just lovely. I always enjoy hearing of someone blessing someone else without it being reciprocated - paying it forward and never knowing the ongoing ripples...and I'm sure there are many. x
DeleteWe have been the receipients of anscertral wealth and I always bless them for it. Having said that, we too are quite frugal with our money. Just today, we were talking about how we need to be more generous with ourselves - while I find it easy to be generous with others, I struggle at times to extend that to myself and I know Jose does the same. Rewriting the script takes time.
ReplyDeleteHi Corinne - I read your post earlier today and could see the correlations with what I've written about. It's so hard to leave a scarcity mindset behind and to allow ourselves little indulgences isn't it? Even when it's something easily affordable I still second and third guess myself before spending the money. Definitely a work in progress too :)
DeleteHi, Leanne -I love thispost, especially the Katherine Hepburn story. Mindful giving of anything (money, love, a kind word, a helping hand,,,,) is incredibly powerful.
ReplyDeleteHi Donna - I love that generosity covers so much more than money - and when you don't have much financially you can still give of your time or from your heart. Even a compliment or kind word - so easy and yet so impactful. x
DeleteLove how generous your mother was and then in turn, how generous you were, and I’m sure your kids will be.
ReplyDeleteWhenever we get a pay rise, we put half of that additional monthly amount into an account to use to giveaway. I have a scarcity mindset that I’m working though, and it’s helped me to give easily rather than hesitate or overthink it. (We have 4 kids and a long time with one income, so we’ve had to make things stretch.)
I just love that story about the circus. So so touching!
Hi Mika - I know exactly what it's like to make things stretch and to be careful with what's spent. It's hard not to keep being frugal and to learn that money isn't just about security and holding tight. It's getting easier for me to be generous, but it's still strange to have money to spare and to be able to give more financially - I hope my own kids find it natural to share with others and to find that the blessing flows both ways when they do. x
DeleteLovely post Leanne showing generosity of spirit by both your mother and you. It's a lovely feeling when you can help others out, (one which I know all about), with no strings attached or expectations. Well done! Yes that Kathryn Hepburn story was also a good one :)
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - I love how we can be generous with our time and talents even before we have the funds to be able to give abundantly. It's also lovely to reach a point in life where we can give and still have enough. I love the story because they gave sacrificially but also with thoughtfulness and kindness - such a great reminder. x
DeleteThings were tight when growing up in a family of 6, but my Mom and Dad always managed to share what we had. They set a beautiful example that I have carried through my adult years and hopefully instilled in my child as well. It doesn't take much effort to be generous - a smile, a kind word, a note of support during difficult times, or a perfectly timed 'dropped' $20. Thanks for being generous with your words today. I will do my best to pay it forward.
ReplyDeleteHi Suzanne - I don't think I had generosity modelled very well at all as a child, but my mum is making up for that now. It's never too late to start being kind or generous and I hope that modelling it to our kids earlier in their lives means that it definitely is the gift that keeps on giving. Good on your parents for starting early - it's definitely paid off. x
DeleteI first read this post on Monday and have returned today to re-read and take in the message from the quoted article. I am generous to a fault. The fault is that I have been known to 'over give' of me, time and things.
ReplyDeleteI was born into a family where on Mum's side my grandfather would always send us kids home with a couple of shillings and something of a treat to eat. He was poor, on a pension, but he loved to share. I am like this..my grown kids and grandkids will tell you "Grandma always sends us home with something to eat or do".
One reason I do it is to remain connected. It's never been about wanting to be liked or have them feel indebted to me. However, many lessons in life have been taught in the most recent decade and that is "money cannot be given away that is not there (yet)"...too long a story and one I have hinted at before and won't share. However, these days the most precious sharing we do is to give our time and energy where we can to our family now we are back in Sydney .
Your post is heart warming and kind and I hope all that has been shared from your mum's generosity is applied well. I know you would be wanting that too.
Thank you for making me consider what the messages were here.
Denyse.
Hi Denyse - generosity can be a minefield if we don't know our limits and boundaries can't it? I see it in one of my brothers who gives and gives to his children - and now that they're adults they still have their hands out every time they see him. He gives out of love, but also out of wanting to help - sometimes to the point of co-dependence. It's a fine line sometimes. I hope that we get it right with our "kids" and I think we're getting there - both checked very carefully that we weren't giving and leaving ourselves out of pocket. Once they knew it was over and above our needs, they very graciously accepted.
DeleteI think back to how much it would have helped us to have had a windfall when we were younger, and I hope we have made their lives a little easier in the process (but still left them with an understanding of being financially responsible - careful balanced with kindness.....it's a tricky one!)
Generosity never goes unnoticed, but I think we also have to be careful to not give what we haven't got. xxx
What a beautiful story, Leanne. Thanks for sharing it. While I was working, each year my employer gave us a cash bonus. My husband and I were comfortable financially, and our children were getting established, so we decided to divide that money among them. Then in later years, we added $100 to each with instructions that they were to give it away to any person or cause that they chose. I can honestly say they expressed more joy and appreciation for the experience of passing on the bounty and making someone else happy than for the money that was given to them to spend.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - that's so lovely! Our son and DIL shared some of their bounty with their girls - so it flowed down to another generation. They didn't overdo it, but I liked that they didn't keep it all for themselves, and I'm sure some got passed on to worthy causes too. It's so important to me to keep reminding myself that I don't have to hold tight anymore, I can be more open and more giving and it's so much more rewarding than always playing safe.
DeleteHi Leanne, I recall how at work a few ladies and I would call it the ‘bag lady syndrome’ and then we became cautious when using our words. Yet, that is different from frugal, where you spend within your means. You describe generosity well. And, I know you have heard the phrase ‘generosity of spirit.’ I equate that phrase with you, Leanne.💕 I teared up reading the Katherine Hepburn story. A father saving face in front of his children is priceless. xx Erica
ReplyDeleteHi Erica - when you're a careful person who associates money in the bank with security, it's very hard to step away from that and freely give. Once you learn to let go a little it gets easier - and generosity of spirit ties in with that too - seeing the needs of others as greater than your own. I'm working on being a kinder and more generous person and it was so lovely of you to encourage me in that area as it's something you excel at. x
DeleteAwww...first thing I read this morning...and thank you, Leanne. xx
ReplyDelete💗
DeleteA nurse muse once talked of the "poor, poor" - those not just poor in terms of financial resources, but those who were poor in spirit. It's hard to give if that's your baseline. I've come to view resources in a holistic sense, not just in terms of money. Spirit, time, competence, education are all included. Surely there's something to give from it all? I've come to learn that people don't always need help; they need to know there's help if they need it. I know there's help if needed & that makes me feel gifted with generosity enabling me to pay it forward. My mom used to say she didn't want to be repaid, she wanted me to pass it on.
ReplyDeleteSo many truths here Mona and you're so right about not becoming poor in spirit. I think when we give of ourselves it often takes more than when we give financially (especially if we have plenty of money). I'm really wanting to focus on kindness and goodness in this year ahead - and both involve generosity of spirit - and paying it forward. :)
Delete