"JUST LET THEM" QUOTE
I read a quote a little while ago, it was called "Let Them" - it was an
attempt at being positive and proactive when it comes to people in your life
who don't treat you in the way you'd like to be treated. At first it sounds
very strong and powerful, but the more I thought about it, the less
appealing it became.
This is the quote:
I DON'T NEED "JUST LET THEM" PEOPLE
I realized that I really don't want people in my life who I have to give
that much grace to. I don't want to choose people who don't choose me. Why
would I want someone in my world who doesn't want to spend time with me, who doesn't choose to talk to me for ages, someone who puts themselves first, or who follows the
crowd? I want genuine, authentic, caring, kind people in my life - people
who I don't have to prove my worth to, and who don't have to prove theirs to
me.
I think the end of the quote is supposed to be about allowing these people
to earn their way back into our lives, but do we really want to base
relationships on whether someone can treat us poorly and then turn around
and squeeze their way back in again? I don't want my heart to have to harden
or re-soften when someone is continually awful to me - if that's who they are, then
I've learned I'm better off without them in my life. I don't think we need
friends who we "just let" hurt us or treat us with disdain.
A "NO MATTER WHAT" FRIEND
After discarding the idea of friends who aren't there for us when we need
them, I came across a second quote that resonated much more in tune with
what I'm looking for these days in the people I allow into my world. This
quote was about having a "no matter what" friend:
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| via: the Minds Journal |
A THIRD AND FINAL THOUGHT
While I was searching back for the original "Let Them" quote, I came across
another "Let Them" thought that I wanted to share - it makes a little more
sense to me than the original one.
|
| via the Minds Journal |
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Do you have room in your life to allow for people to come and go, or are
you more particular about the people you hold space for? Do you have some
"no matter what" friends who cheer you on and who are there for you as often
as you're there for them? I hope so...
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Agreed, A true friend would never feel ok making you feel bad in the first place. I don't want someone in my life I have to "let" treat me badly so they can eventually realize how special I am. A true friend will always know.
ReplyDeleteExactly! I always look for reciprocation in my friendships now - I'm tired of doing all the heavy lifting and want people in my life who want me in theirs.
DeleteI think there's space for both types, but I choose to prioritise the no matter whatters ...
ReplyDeleteYou're a better woman than me Jo - I'm just too over it all these days to keep putting in the time with people who are reciprocating. There's always some leeway, but I want more of the no matter whatters in my life these days.
DeleteI have a lot of come and go friends. I try to keep up with them in person several times a year, but also through social media and texts but we are all moving in different directions at different speeds and rarely have time for much more than that. Which works well for me. My 'no matter what' gang takes priority over my friends, anyway, and they take much of my day-to-day. I was very sad when I retired and knew no one else who was retired, and seemed to have been almost shunned or at least forgotten by most of those women I had worked almost ten years with. But they had their 'no-matter-what' people, I guess, and I was not one of them.
ReplyDeleteHi Leslie - I have lots of "fracquaintances" who are in my periphery and who I think of as 'friends', but they're really just long term acquaintances. I'm happy to follow them on Facebook, but my real friends are those who take that little bit extra time and effort to connect and to reciprocate - I have all the time in the world for them.
DeleteThe “No Matter What” kind of people are my kind of people too, whether friends or family. They are few and far between but always there even though we are at a distance. I want to always be that kind of people too for others.
ReplyDeleteHi Judith - I want to be that kind of person too - it takes a little more effort, but if you care about someone, you'll be there consistently - not just when it suits you. I think letting people be who they are is the key - then respond in your own capacity.
DeleteI feel like I'm at that stage where most of my friends are come and go; we're all quite busy with our kids and their things that we just don't have much time for each other. I'm also not in the workforce and I most of my friends are so that adds a whole other level of business to their lives. I know if I really, really needed them they'd be there but I try not to "bother" them unless it's an emergency. We do try to catch up once a year or so but even that doesn't seem to be happening much lately. I'm content to mostly spend my time with family though so that's fine.
ReplyDeleteHi Jo - I think friendships are definitely seasonal and what we need from others is too. Family will always be first for me as well, but as time goes on I'm finding that I want like minded people in my world who actually want to be there and who initiate contact as often as they reciprocate. If they're busy or have other priorities that's fine, but I don't feel as invested in maintaining the relationship anymore.
DeleteLeanne, I can relate. I used to be the type of person who would give people a second ,a third chance because I would have wanted for others to do that for me because nobody is perfect but now I don't have the time or the energy to keep giving when it's not reciprocated. Now I can detect a pattern early. I prefer to go alone than to have that kind of people in my life.
ReplyDeleteHi Yvonne - I'm the same, I was always happy to chase up connections and to go the extra mile, but now I'm happy with my own company and with my family - I don't feel the need to be as social, so I'm happy to "let them" be whatever they like, but I'm not so quick to re-invest in the relationship when they return.
DeleteI have my 'groups' but I don't consider most of them close friends. I'm happy with the give and take of those relationships. After being burned by women I thought were close friends, I learned to be comfortable within myself, almost to the point of solitary, with a couple of exceptions. My life is full and drama-free. If I have to work at having someone like or accept me, I'm out. I'm not mean about it, I'm just out.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne you said it perfectly! And that's exactly how I feel - it's not the casual acquaintances that are the issue, it's the people we invest ourselves into, and if they are so casually connected in return, I'd rather be in my own space and enjoying the peace - I've come to find solitude is so much more pleasant than I ever expected. :)
DeleteHi, Leanne - The older I got, the more I truly understand and appreciate that '"what other people think/say of me is none of my business". I didn't understand this when I was younger but I completely live it now. Thank you for another though-provoking post.
ReplyDeleteYou're right Donna - when we over invest ourselves into the wrong people we set ourselves up for disappointment. I feel like I'm choosier these days about who I get my time and energy to - I'm happy to connect but I don't work so hard with those who blow in and out.
DeleteLeanne, I took the "let them theory" a bit differently. To me it said, I cannot control someone else's actions. Instead of reacting, I need to say let them do what they do., say what they say.
ReplyDeleteI do have a number of friends (more than acquaintances) that are more come and go. Mostly because of distance. So we connect when we can. I've learned to appreciate those relationships for what they are - not close friends, but people I can enjoy being with/talking with when we connect.
Hi Pat - that's how I read it at first and thought it was okay, but as I came to the end and it recommends letting those people come in and out of your life and continue to treat you with minimal concern and love, I realized I'd reached a point in life where I didn't want those type of "friends" anymore - I'd rather be at home in my own space than fitting in around acquaintances who randomly come and go with a different set of values and care at their core.
DeleteA great thought provoking post Leanne, friends come and go as you say and I'm happy with my tribe at the moment I have to say. It's taken time though and living in a small community can have its ups and downs.
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - I also find that living "in the country" means that people often move back to the city or to somewhere else - those friendships become "looser" and I'm fine with that, but for those in my close circle, I really need "no-matter-what" people these days and I'm so grateful for those who include me in their list. :)
DeleteYour post came at a time when I am reveling in my relationship with my sisters, so when you asked if I have "no matter what" friends, I immediately thought of them. I do have a few lovely girlfriends as well, women who cheer me up and me them, but not necessarily women I would call in the middle of the night, like I would one of my sisters. My best friend passed away six years ago, and I still think of her often, in good time and in bad.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - it's so sad when you lose someone so close to you, I've yet to experience that and dread it coming one day. In the meantime (as I mentioned in your post) I have my SIL as my close friend and a few others who I share my life with - and I'm so grateful for them. Others blow in and out but no longer have the title of "friend" in my head - they're more like long time acquaintances these days.
DeleteI’m someone who has had to move around a lot due to our teaching appointments around NSW, and even in retirement we lived in a community that we found OK but no-one was close. B and I have been together for over 53 years and care for and about each other and for whatever reason, be it independence or just our level of self sufficiency have tended not to call on friends but on adult family members. I am grateful however to be re connecting with good friends from teaching days now we are all retired and we share stories and help feel less lonely. Denyse x
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse, I too have a supportive and close husband who is my mainstay, but it's also lovely to have a few friends who know me well and who I can share deeper thoughts and feelings with. I hope these old friends who you're reconnecting with will be able to give you that added depth of friendship that's been missing over the years. I know you're also deeply embedded in the blogging community and can share your thoughts and feelings there too.
DeleteYES! I agree...I get the idea behind that quote, but I'd prefer to not have all those people in my life on a regular basis, and I have had those, and I finally had to put boundaries up for my own sake. Yes, I can let them, and not be weighed down by it, but I can also let it and even them go. I'm not going to keep trying, I'm not going to base my worth on all of that, but I also want to find friendships and relationships that are deeper.
ReplyDeleteThat's how I feel too Kirstin - I have plenty of time for those who have time for me, and I'm fine with acquaintances who blow in and out - but not those who have an agenda, or who don't really care about me as a person. I want genuine friends who care and who want to be part of my world - the rest I'm happy to let go and they can find others who are more likeminded to spend time with.
Delete