A GOOD LIFE VS AN EASY LIFE
When I was younger, I always had a small kernel of envy in my heart towards
those who seemed to lead much easier lives. I'd see those who had large
incomes, or those who were making big purchases, or those who seemed to be
high fliers, and my heart would give a little twinge as I continued along with my daily life of work and paying bills, saving money, and going without
those added extras.
I thought that the easy life was the best life, but as the second half of
life has come along and things have steadied, I can see that it isn't an
easy life that I'm drawn to, its a good life....
WHAT PERCENTAGE OF US HAVE EASY LIVES?
I look back now with clearer eyes and I can see that not many people get to
live easy lives. We are so drawn in by what we see on social media (or in the Christmas newsletters - remember those?) and
forget that it's the highlight reel and not the day to day reality. Everyone
has a special moment here or there, but that doesn't mean that life is
always a breeze. The nature of being alive is to have ups and downs and
in-betweens.
I'm sure there are people who have everything work out for them - the
perfect family, the perfect job, perfect health, perfect happiness - from
Day One until they die, but I'm also sure that those people represent a very
small percentage of the population. I also have to wonder if they've missed
out on some of the richness of life if they've never struggled to overcome
an obstacle in their path.
HOW DO THE STRUGGLES HELP?
My life has certainly not been easy all the time - it's been
full of ups and downs and in-betweens.....but it's that journey which has made me who I
am today. The tougher times made me appreciate the good times even more,
wrestling with a tight budget, saving, being frugal, and putting our money
where it could do the most good, has brought us to being debt free and an
early retirement.
Parenting with firm boundaries, being consistent, expecting our kids to
give it their best - those tough years led to independent, hard working
adult children who are grateful for what we instilled in them. Pushing
through when it would be easier to give up has shown us (and them) that you
can achieve a great outcome with modest means and a consistent can-do
attitude. It may not have been a free ride, but it has been an interesting
and challenging one!
SO WHAT DOES A GOOD LIFE LOOK LIKE?
I look at my life now and it's good - really good. I'm so grateful that I
didn't get caught up with the envy, that I didn't get sour or disillusioned
by what I thought I didn't have. I'm beyond grateful for where those years
of consistency and care have brought us. To be content, to have enough
(more than enough), to be able to share that with our children and with
others, to be stable and happy and living life on our own terms - that's a
really good life.
I'm not sure what my life would have looked like if it had all been served
up to me on a silver platter. I don't think I'd be a very nice person, or
have any understanding at all of what struggle brings to your life. I think
I'd be a lot shallower, and a lot less thankful if it had all been easy. I
admire people who have been given a lot and who don't take it for granted -
those who share their good fortune and are generous to those who have less.
I'm hoping that getting to that stage more slowly still gives me time to
share the blessings and to invest myself in others, while never forgetting
how good life really is.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Have you been blessed with an easy life, or have you had to work hard to
get where you are? Do struggles make us stronger and better people.....or is
that a myth to keep us from getting too downhearted when the tough times
come?
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Each of us may have different criteria for "the good life" and what markers we use to determine good, better, best. I find it difficult, if not impossible, to imagine a life without struggles, obstacles to overcome, challenges, both invited and uninvited, to conquer. When we take stock, make an assessment and come up with a response, that's information we can use to keep moving forward. However, I believe there are also times when there's no pressing need to keep achieving and simply enjoy being quiet and still for awhile. That's part of my good life now.
ReplyDeleteHi Gary - I agree about a good life looking different for each of us and also different in different seasons. I think I've come to see that good and easy are not necessarily synonymous, and that good is actually preferable to easy.
DeleteHi, Leanne - I wholeheartedly agree with you that a good life, (especially one that you describe as being content, having enough, sharing with others, and living on our own terms) tops an easy life any day!!
ReplyDeleteHi Donna - I think an easy life is a bit of a cop out actually and that we can miss some of the challenges and growth if we don't have to navigate our way through some tricky bits. The good life comes when we realize how fortunate we are and that all the hard work has been worth it.
DeleteI tend to think the value of aging is that we live the lives we have now, because we HAVE reached places of greater acceptance and contentment. I could not have written that 10 years ago. I needed what challenges have beset me to overcome them and see what life for me now is truly one of appreciation and greater contentment. Denyse x
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - I completely agree that overcoming challenges makes the life we have now all the sweeter. If it's all sunshine and rainbows, without any rain, we don't have the same appreciation for how lovely life becomes as we get older. Looking back and seeing how far we've come is one of the bonuses of living a good life.
DeleteThat last quote that we're given a life and it's up to us to make it good or bad is spot on Leanne. I'm glad to have had to struggle at times, although hard, it has made me understand what a good life I have now and I plan to make the most of things! I'd hate to have had everything handed to me and no-one's life is ever perfect despite what they might want us to think!
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - I must have been quite naive to think that everyone else had a smoother ride than me through the earlier parts of adulthood. I think we begin to see more clearly with a bit of maturity and realize that what's on the surface is often far shinier than what was underneath. Weathering the storms and finding safe harbour makes it all worthwhile and I definitely think we appreciate what we have even more.
DeleteI think struggles help us understand what’s really important to us. They’ve helped me be more empathetic too. When I look back at what I wanted my life to be like decades ago, well I hardly recognise myself. I’m so much happier nowadays and on the brink of early retirement which is the icing on the cake. I’m looking forward to the adventures to come!
ReplyDeleteEarly retirement is the gift that keeps on giving and you're going to love it. I am so grateful that all that hard work and perserverence earlier on has brought such lovely rewards. To know we're where we are because we earnt it is even more satisfying than if it had been given to us on a platter. Struggles that are weathered definitely strengthen us and teach us some very valuable lessons.
DeleteWe spent our lives 'carefully' and it taught us to look for the smaller things that could give joy to our family. It was a lesson well-learned for us all. That to sit quietly with music playing or to go for a bike ride on bush roads or walk the dog on the beach is as good as an expensive overseas holiday. It's taught us to look for the beauty, be mindful and as Gary said, to be still. Not to frenetically chase the better-best things, to keep up with the Joneses.
ReplyDeleteAll my husband and I want is peace and calm. And good health. It's enough.
Prue, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Peace and calm and the simple things of life. Just wish I had someone to share it with me.
DeleteHi Prue - you summed up the good life perfectly - it's not about wealth or extravagant living, it's about simplicity and contentment. It comes from having worked hard and lived within your means, and enjoying the fruit that comes from that. I love thinking how good life is these days.
DeleteLeanne, I agree with you. Life for me has been very difficult since I was a little kid. It has taught me at an early age to have compassion for others, to listen to young and old and to lend a helping hand. I don't necessarily agree that hardships makes you stronger. It has not been the case for a lot of people. I believe that without proper support you can fall on your knees and remain there. I hope that better sunnier days are ahead for me. In the meantime I try to enjoy the free simple things of life. Thank you for another relatable post. My Monday morning gift!
ReplyDeleteHi Yvonne - I've come to the conclusion that hard times can be big times of growth and refining (in the fire) but only if we approach them steadfastly and with a willingness to find our way through. If we can't find that inner strength they can certainly beat us down or leave us resentful and hardened. I would never say that I was happy that I had to navigate through rough seas, but I can look back now and see the qualities that came from it all (as you can with your difficult experiences).
DeleteWe don't get to choose what life throws at us, but we do get to choose how we work our way through it. I truly believe that you'll find your sunny days again, and I hope you'll keep popping in to share your Mondays with me. x
There was a time I had more. More money, more deadlines, more of what is called professional success. Was it easy? No, the challenges that came with all that and some heart-breaks were strength and resilience building. Now I choose to focus on self-care, being loving and kind to myself and others , and that is, for me, living a good life.
ReplyDeleteHi Judith - it's interesting how we define a "good life" isn't it? For some it might include much more to make it "good" than it does for others. The good life to me contains a LOT less than it might have a couple of decades ago. I really love that my life is so simple now and that little things bring me so much joy. I'm also so very glad I put the hard work in early and didn't give up through the tough times - they've led me to a really good place in life.
DeleteWhat an important conversation. Thank you for inspiring it! I have often written about a related distinction: "the good life" versus "a good life." There is a place for both, but having had some of each, the latter is lasting because it is built on who we are, not what we have. It is the real legacy we leave behind when others think of us. My mom, by all objective standards, had an extremely difficult life. And while one might trot out the old platitude about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, that's too simplistic for me. My mom chose to be a compassionate, loving, generous human regardless of what she lacked on the outside. By her internal measures, she lived a very good life...
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your thoughtful response and the idea of "the good life" vs "a good life" - that's very profound. I think a lot of younger people are avidly seeking the "the good life" and setting themselves up for a lot of disappointment or for a rather shallow life based on possessions and experience. For those of us who had less, and who've focused on the small joys, a good life just crept up on us and we get to be surprised by it and how lovely it is. Your mum sounds like a beautiful person and you are very blessed to have her (and her example) in your life. :)
DeleteI've struggled often with feeling less than because I have not had the challenges many others have faced. Yes, it's my Compare & Despair mode coming out! I really struggled with calling myself a "cancer survivor" since mine was "only" Stage 1 and I didn't do chemo. I did not suffer enough to qualify. I could continue on in this way (I've never had to deal with physical abuse of any sort, I've never had to struggle living paycheck to paycheck, etc.). Many would consider I've had an easy life. And yet, I worked hard - went to college on an academic scholarship (which required me to study a lot and not live the normal college experience), I became a workaholic and sacrificed a life outside of work to climb the corporate ladder. Yes, choices I made, and still an easy life in many ways (you went to college, you had a well-paying job). I have not had the challenges many others face, an easy life you might say ...but, should I think less of myself because of that?
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - you definitely shouldn't feel "less" because you worked hard to have the nice life you experienced. I think I had to work on a different perception - and that was the envy of those who (like yourself) appeared to have an easy, well padded life - which I saw through the surface superficiality and hadn't considered the hard work or the sacrifices it took to get there.
DeleteThere are those who have a rich life through hard work, and those who were spendthrifts to appear to have it all. I was neither, but I can see now that I look back that I didn't miss out on anything - and delayed gratification has brought me to a lovely place in life. And think how wonderful it is for yourself to be able to live a much gentler life now because you put that hard work in - you may not have had big struggles, but you still pushed through all the challenges to arrive in a really good place in life.
I don't really know of anyone that has never struggled with anything; whether it's paying bills, overcoming past trauma, health issues, etc. I think there are some people that are really good at hiding those struggles though and can appear to have an easy life from the outside. I definitely try to make the most of the one life I've been given but I can't say it's always easy. I do think the struggles I've had helped shape me into the person I've become and know that I'd be different without having gone through them.
ReplyDeleteHi Jo - I think struggles can be catalysts for growth spurts in our life if we meet the challenges and choose not to be beaten down or resentful. It's easy to look at other people's highlight reels, but when you get to know them on a deeper level, we often find they've had their struggles too. I've also seen it with marriages where I've assumed things were pretty perfect, but underneath there was a great deal of conflict and friction that was covered by a social mask - sad but an eye opener for me.
DeleteAn intriguing title, Leanne. The concept of a highlight reel has been in my radar recently, for many reasons. Struggles help, often when we look back on our lives. Many good points in your post, once again. xx Erica
ReplyDeleteHi Erica - your Alaskan cruise is the perfect example - a wonderful time of family love and memory making - but it's only a small snippet of your family as a whole. We share the highlights and keep the tough times to ourselves (which is as it should be) so we need to assume others do so too - and that maybe all those easy, shiny lives aren't quite as cruisy as we may assume....
DeleteHi Leanne, I am grateful for my satisfying life, filed with highs, lows, and periods of mediocrity. Our relationship with money stems from lessons learned from our parents and their ability to make sacrifices, delay gratification, and save for the future. Making wise choices and living below our means has served us well and we are in a comfortable place.
ReplyDeleteWe raised our daughter with the same principles, but some would say her life was 'easy.' I can see why if you only look at the highlight reel.
I applaud anyone who has achieved happiness and contentment regardless of what they have in a bank account. To restate your wise words, 'to be stable and happy and living life on our own terms' is the ultimate reward of a life well lived.
Hi Suzanne - you sound a lot like me - there's acceptance that life hasn't always been a bowl of cherries, but also an appreciation of the lessons learnt and the resilience gained. I think it's a sign of wisdom and acceptance when you look beyond the highlights and understand that we all have our trials and also some real joys.
DeleteWe worked and saved hard to get to where we are now, and I hope we modelled living life well and in a balanced way to our children too. Life is very good.
A good life is one that has purpose and fulfilling work - whatever it is that work means to you. It might be volunteering, it might be making something, it might be paid work - and it probably isn't easy. The older I get the more I think that's where happiness or contentment lies.
ReplyDeleteI think a good life is definitely preferable to an easy one Jo. I might not have been so sure of that when I was putting in the hard yards to get here, but the rewards are so much greater than those from cruising through life with a free ticket.
DeleteYou have added such wise quotes to support your thoughts in this post. In the past, I have envied those who had easier lives than I. Or seemingly so, anyway. I believe we all have our crosses to bear so even though I might not have been able to see their struggles, those I envied no doubt had worries in life, too. But we have just had the craziest things happen to us. Not PC and I as I call him 'the lucky one' (after the Alison Krauss song). But in my previous marriages and years as a single mom.
ReplyDeleteLife is good, really good for us now, also. I am almost scared to say anything, though. Life has taught me the other shoe is going to drop sooner or later. But I have managed to get up every single time I've been knocked down. And what hasn't killed me has made me stronger and given me lots to write about!! XO
Hi Leslie - yes life certainly throws us some unexpected curveballs - but they often lead to us being more resilient and to know how to deal with the next thing thrown our way. We certainly haven't had an easy life, but the hard yards have definitely paid off and I'm so very grateful for where they've brought us to. Putting the work in at the beginning and middle of life pays off for a much gentler last third!
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