HOW DO WE FIND JOY?
I wrote a series of posts several years ago on twelve areas to focus on for happiness. It was popular because a lot of us are looking for ways to be happy and to not end up as grumpy old people. What I've come to see over the ensuing years is that there isn't a switch we turn on to make ourselves happy, we can't force ourselves to be happy....but we do have control over our minds and our thoughts, and we can set them towards joy by choosing what we give our attention to.
Our feelings follow our thinking....
CURATE YOUR THOUGHTS TOWARDS JOY
Science has shown that our minds tend to gravitate towards what is wrong – we will automatically pick the one thing that is negative or hurtful to focus on rather than on all the good that is happening, this is referred to as a negativity bias , and if we don't proactively choose what we give our attention to, we end up filling our minds with all the the unfairness and ugliness of life, and that then tends to result in feelings of anger, anxiety, or upset.
But, we can curate (I love that word!) our thoughts so
that joy becomes the our natural default by consciously looking for the
good, beautiful and true in our world. We can set our hearts and minds on
the lovely and the good. It doesn't mean we become Pollyanna, and ignore
reality, it's just that we recognize our tendency towards a negative bias
and we actively choose otherwise - we choose to fill our minds with thoughts
that bring a pervasive sense of peace and wellbeing. We set our minds on
joy.
HOW TO SET YOUR MIND ON JOY
1. Surrender the illusion of control
We tend to forget that we have no real control over what happens in our
lives, good or bad, instead we need to focus on the idea that no matter
what happens, we’ll be okay. Rather than being anxious, fretting,
stressing, or the all-pervasive worrying, it's about finding that sweet
spot of
detachment where our happiness is not based on our circumstances. We still care,
we pray, and we remember that we can’t control life or other people, we
can only release it all to God and do our best in the meantime.
2. Be thankful
It's so important to work gratitude into every fibre of our being -
choosing to be thankful for everything big and small that comes our way
each day. Making gratitude our new normal changes how we see the world
around us, it opens our eyes to all the
glimmers of goodness
that we take for granted.
3. Focus your attention on all that is good in the world
We need to stop feeding our minds on the world’s ugliness, and instead
fill our minds with all the good we've been given to enjoy. We need to
teach our minds to focus on the good in our life and our world. A great
way to begin is to start the day without immediately going online - that
way we don't let our phones set our emotional equilibrium, or our news
feed set our view of the world. All those underlying algorithms are set
with an agenda to draw us in and drag us down. Bad news sells and so does
clickbait - we need to be aware of that, and to choose what we give our
attention to, and what we turn away from.
FIND JOYFUL PLACES
As well as setting our minds on joy, we can also move our body to a position of joy by how we curate (that great word again) daily life. We need to learn to slow down, because always being in a hurry is incompatible with peacefulness and joy. It's so important to take care of our body with good sleep, healthy eating, regular exercise, and creating margin so we have room to breathe and find calm.
It's also vital to live a balanced lifestyle, to find our community and
also to find time to be alone. We need to give ourselves to the things
that matter and also to make time to rest.
Another great practice is to find places that bring us joy and go there –
gatherings with friends, time with the family, a day at the beach, a
stroll through nature, listening to music, storytelling, laughter,
celebrating events – birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas. We need to make
time to fill our hearts with goodness and beauty - and joy will be the
natural flow on from that.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Are you filling your life with simple, good things and constantly being thankful? Are you aware of the need to consciously choose positivity and to seek out joy? Is there anything you'd like to add to my suggestions?RELATED POSTS
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When faced with dementors (those people who suck the joy out of life), I often wonder what came first - the disappointment or the attitude.
ReplyDeleteHi Jo - after working with a dementor I often wondered the same thing. I think there's a type of personality that holds onto negativity and feeds on it until it becomes their "normal" and I know I never want to become that type of person - it's soul destroying.
DeleteHi, Leanne - This is a very timely post for me. I am currently reading 'The Happiest Man on Earth' by the late Eddie Jaku (Holocaust survivor). He also agrees that our happiness has much to do with our mindset and what we choose to focus upon. Great book, great post! <3
ReplyDeleteHi Donna - I remember reading Edith Eger and Viktor Frankl's books on surviving the Holocaust, and they both said that those who made it through chose to look for a deeper meaning and joy in life that superceded all the suffering and ugliness. I am so in awe of people who rise above their circumstances.
DeleteYou only have to look at the amazing people who have overcome their disabilities to compete in the Paralympics to appreciate how fortunate you are and how blessed you have been your whole life.
ReplyDeleteYes! Some of those competitors just blew me away with what they achieved and how they adjusted their capabilities to perform so amazingly. We humans have so much potential if we choose to look above and beyond our setbacks.
DeleteHi Leanne - A nice post on finding joy in our everyday lives. So true that joy isn't something that just happens to us; it's a choice we make, moment by moment... Thank you for sharing these practical and inspiring steps to cultivating joy.
ReplyDeleteHi Pradeep - yes it's definitely a choice, and it's a choice we make over and over again. It's also refusing to get sucked into the negativity of others and of the media - that's always a no-win situation.
DeleteLeanne,
ReplyDeleteGreat post! When Joe passed away, I decided that I would find JOY in every day and not let his loss consume me.... I have practiced gratitude with a journal, writing down 5 things I am grateful for each day, for a very long time...I continue to decorate my home and garden and craft because those are the things that make me happy and bring me joy...My family and friends bring me joy and I am getting more involved in volunteering at my church because that also brings me joy and happiness, working alongside friends..Some people wallow in sorrow and I know Joe would not have wanted me to do that...After 5 years of not working, I am finally learning to slow down....a bit...I am focused on self care because I am now the only parent my kids have....Thanks for the inspiration, my friend!! And I hope you are well!!
Hugs,
Deb
Debbie-Dabble Blog
Hi Debbie - you are a shining light on how to bring joy into your home and then to share it with others. It's a huge achievement to push forward with joy after losing Joe - and to not just put your head down and weep. I'm sure it's still a huge loss, but choosing to find those glimmers of joy and to then share them with others says so much about who you are. And good on you for finally finding some balance with your pace of life because burning yourself out isn't the answer either. x
Delete"...creating margin so we have room to breathe and find calm." This statement stood out to me. Down time is important for me to plan & reflect allowing me to experience joy. When I balance down time with the to-do list it's easier for me to find the joy in both.
ReplyDeleteHi Mona - I love the idea of "margin" and "curating" our time. It doesn't mean we sit around all day doing nothing, but that we find time in our day to allow our hearts and minds to catch up with our bodies. So much emphasis is placed on busyness, and I find that I'm swinging more towards slowing down and finding headspace these days - and it sounds like you're on a similar journey.
DeleteI love that Bible verse.
ReplyDeleteHi Pamela - I love it too and I use the picture as a desktop background on my laptop to remind me to direct my thoughts to happier places. Life is very good if we allow it to be.
DeleteYes, Joy in the ever present small moments of happiness is the focus I strive for every day. I journal every morning and recognize as valid the negative feelings I have and then purposefully exchange them with positive statements about the value of me and my life. My usual last sentence in my writing is "So on with my Today"
ReplyDeleteI love that Judith - the way you acknowledge that life isn't always a bowl of cherries, but there are still lovely moments within it. I think if we look for the blessings and the glimmers it helps to remind us how fortunate we are and to lift our mood. There's a lot of ugliness in our world that we can do nothing about, but there's a lot of beauty too.
DeleteThis is all so true Leanne, looking for the joy in our lives should be our go-to position but unfortunately it doesn't seem that way for many.
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - it makes such a difference when we direct our thoughts and energy towards what's good in our life - it seems to make even more goodness (the yellow car phenomenon in play) :)
DeleteLeanne, a great reminder about choosing a life of joy. After I retired I had to learn to be positive, to find joy in each day, to turn my mind away from the negativity bias. It is still a conscious effort, but I use my tools to help - like a daily gratitude list, using glimmers, returning to my positivity practices, and my new I-Did-It list. A one time, I was told "you'll never be happy" as I always saw the negatives. Now, I think I'm happy a lot; I am content almost every day for sure! My newest daily reminder is "where your attention goes, so your energy flows" and so I want to focus on the positive things in my life.
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - I love your new mantra, and it's absolutely true. There is so much goodness and light in our world and we just need to turn our attention towards it to notice it more and more. I have such a strong desire in my heart to end up at the end of my life as a warm, loving, grateful person - and the way to get there is to practice joy every day. It's so much better than the alternative, and it all comes back to what we choose to focus on in life - that's a powerful practice!
DeleteCurate your mind towards joy! I love that thought and expression. This is something I'm working on too.
ReplyDeleteIt's such a simple choice - why would we choose to focus on the miserable and ugly when we can choose to find loveliness and good?
Delete