Wednesday, 23 March 2016

know what you bring to the table

#midlife blog ~ crestingthehill.com.au

One of the lessons midlife is teaching me is that I have a lot to offer. I'm not a callow youth who has no life experience or wisdom. I'm a mature woman who has lived and loved, worked and played, lost friends and found new ones, and the list goes on. I have a lot to offer!

So often we don't give ourselves enough credit for what we bring to the table, and in doing so we accept a lot less than what we deserve. It's time to take stock and give ourselves credit for the women we are and in doing so we can expect others to lift their game when it comes to dealing with us.

There have been many times when I have accepted less than what I was due. I have let myself play second fiddle because it's easier than fighting to get the recognition I've rightly earned. Staying in a job because I didn't think I was employable any more was the biggest mistake I've made recently. It took a huge leap of faith to step away from the security of a steady income - even though I knew I wasn't appreciated for what I brought to the position. Having enough confidence in myself to walk away and see what else was out there was the beginning of a lot of changes in my life - the first being a brand new job which is so much better than the one I left behind.

I also learned the lesson when things went pear shaped in our marriage. When my husband told me he didn't want to be married any more, the bottom dropped out of my world. After a lot of talking and a lot of crying I stopped and took stock of what it all meant to me and how I was living a life that was less because I was trying to make his life smoother (obviously that wasn't working well for either of us!). I woke up to the fact that I was worth more than that, and if it meant living alone in my own place then I could do it, and make a good life for myself. Fortunately it didn't come to that - things sorted themselves out and are going well, but I'm not scared about the idea of being on my own anymore - I know I have enough in me to do it and do it well.

remember that you're better than the life you settled for - Steve Maraboli quote

Midlife is a time to embrace the lessons we've learned and to acknowledge that we have a lot to offer. We are strong, vibrant, wise and pretty darn wonderful. No more hiding our lights to keep others happy - it's time to lift the lid on life let ourselves shine!

30 comments:

  1. Say it, sister! Although, as a caregiver for an inlaw in her late 80's, I can also say it gets interesting, and sometimes depressing, when you see what happens as you continue to age. It won't hold me back, though. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com

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    1. Me either Alana - I was talking to a friend about watching elderly relatives turn into cranky old people and we have sworn that won't be us - we'll be too busy with all our interests and activities to have time for crankiness!

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  2. Working to be UH circumspect :-) I entirely get what you're saying about the marriage peace and sometimes that happens when you do you know and are too aware of your own value <3

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    1. I know where you're coming from Carla - it really is a tricky one - when you are undervalued but not seen to be that way. When you know you are less than you could be it's tough hanging in there. Keeping the peace is a knife edge at times xx

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  3. So lovely to read this, Leanne! I'm incredibly guilty of accepting less than I deserve or not giving myself enough credit. But, with age comes wisdom and I have realized I can't hide my lights anymore. Love this, "it's time to lift the lid on life let ourselves shine."

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    1. I couldn't agree more Laurie - I think it's another throwback of our generation - we got caught up in all the other people in our lives and forgot about ourselves - now is definitely the time to shine :)

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  4. Yep, my favorite midlife saying was: "When you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for." The perfect description of my first marriage. This one is so much better!

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    1. There are a lot of first marriages out there that were all about compromise from one party and not the other Laura - I'm so glad you got it right second time around x

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  5. Beautiful post, Leanne. I am so happy for you that you have embraced your worth and made changes and discoveries accordingly.

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    1. thanks Regina - it is so affirming to not be blending into the background anymore (altho' my husband would probably be surprised that I thought I ever did!) but I'm definitely more "me" now and loving it.

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  6. fabulous. yup. keeping shining that light sister!

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    1. thanks so much :) I intend to keep my light in full view forever!

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  7. I needed this today, thank you! :)
    Hope this week is treating you well. :)

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    1. my pleasure Donna - don't hide your light under a bushel - make sure you are being as fabulous as possible :)

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  8. Just the title you've shown in that picture brings up all kinds of apropos thoughts! I know for myself, I'm self critical, and thus only tend to see my faults! It's good to have these reminders to bring us back to reality (although age is doing a nice job of that too!) jodie
    www.jtouchofstyle.com
    blogsharelearn

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    1. Hi Jodie - I am exactly the same - that little voice in my head that is always telling me I'm not enough, or to be quiet etc needs to be turned off. I'm getting better at it with age (nice to know there's a benefit or two in getting older!)

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  9. Shine where you can. While you can. Well said! :)

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    1. thanks Di - and it's lovely to have you back :)

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  10. So wonderful, Leanne and so many midlife women need to hear this. We come to believe we're only good for youthful bodies and when that fades, its over. The real secret is we've just begun. Thank you for this.

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    1. Hi Laurie I love that you said "The real secret is we've just begun" - it's SO true! I think we were content to be in the background for years, but now we're having our moment in the sun - go us!!

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  11. Leanne, I am so happy to hear that you're giving yourself the value you deserve, it's so hard for women to do, isn't it?

    I am amazed at the things you've been through, and that you learn from them and grew as a person and a woman. That's what life is all about right?

    It seems that it takes me a bit to learn, I always trust everyone until they give me a reason not to. Or two or three. LOL I have to realize that when people do not give in return, or take advantage, it's a reflection on them and not me. I need to realize that I am enough and find Value in that.

    Thank you for drawing attention to this I think that it's something I definitely needed to be reminded of.

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    1. Hi Nikki - you always seem so confident and "go get 'em" but I know what you mean about doubting ourselves and letting people take advantage of that. I think we're both finding our feet and learning what we are worth :)

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  12. I agree, Leanne! It is difficult when less secure people want to put you down, but we midlife women have so much to offer and need not hide it to save their feelings. Glad things worked out for you. Love your beautiful photo of the salad on the table.

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    1. thanks Molly - I just love that we're all using this time to discover what we have to offer and being less afraid to own our selves and what we want. I think this world is all the better for it :)

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  13. You do have a lot to offer, Leanne ... and I love that you share it here on your blog. I love your perspective on midlife, and I have learned a lot from your wise words!

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    1. thanks so much Susan - that means a lot to me :)

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  14. A great post Leanne. I'm really happy for you and your journey and the way you inspire others.

    Sally @ Life Loving
    #LifeLovingLinkie

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  15. Thanks for another inspiring post Leanne and I love seeing you grow within yourself and your blog. You are always spot on with topics and thoughts. Thanks for sharing with us at #OvertheMoon link up

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  16. You've come a long, long way Leanne. I remember when you wouldn't even allow comments! Now look at you go!

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  17. Preach!! Such an inspiring post and so very true... The older I get, the more I realize the same.

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