TURNING 60 AND BEING OKAY WITH THAT
I turned 60 last year, and it was another marker on the road to growing older. For some unknown reason I've had difficulties with each decade change....until this one. I used to feel
like I'd lost a part of me, and had to get my head around accepting the next
stage of my life.....but turning 60 was different. I felt settled and at
peace, like I'd grown into myself at last, and I quite like the woman I'm
finally becoming.
Now I have a new task ahead of me - and that's learning to grow older with
grace and gratitude. Thinking about how to do that is what inspired today's
post....
AGE AND EXPERIENCE BRING WISDOM
It's a strange conundrum when I feel 35 (or maybe 45) inside, but the woman
who looks back at me from the mirror reminds me that I'm now an 'older
woman' or even a 'senior woman' - and I'm not even sure when that happened.
I don't resent it though, in fact it's a relief to be an 'older woman'
because it's brought with it a sense of contentment, of being comfortable in
my own skin, and finally feeling at peace with who I am (and even liking
that person more than I expected to).
I've been through
the fire of recovering
from working with a very difficult colleague, learnt about
boundaries, decided when to
walk away, discovered I can be very happy
not working, and also that I can
enjoy work
when it comes on my terms. Going through tough times and coming out the
other side gives us an understanding of what we're capable of, and also what
we don't want to become.
HOW DO YOU WANT TO AGE?
I've had the privilege of watching my mother and my mother-in-law grow
older, and they've shown me both sides of the ageing coin.
My mum celebrates every day she's given. She has her aches and pains, her disappointments and challenges.....but
she looks past that to appreciate all the good stuff she has in her life.
Two knee replacements, and a battle with arthritis aren't slowing her down -
she's out with the Red Hat Society, joining up for hydro-therapy classes,
walking her little dog, and keeping social. And she's always laughing.
My mother-in-law on the other hand, has allowed the difficulties and
perceived injustices of life weigh her down and
steal her joy. She's still physically healthy, has a lovely home next door to her
daughter, and is surrounded by family.....but she looks past that and fails
to appreciate her blessings. Instead she looks back at the hurts, at what
she missed out on, on the isolation she's brought on herself, and does
nothing to alleviate any of it.
AGEING GRATEFULLY
I know which woman I want to be as I grow older - the choice is in my
hands. We all suffer setbacks, we all have moments of joy, we all have the
physical impacts of ageing....but we get to decide how we face each day -
and I want to open my eyes each morning with gratitude and with an
appreciation for how fortunate I am to be alive and to have all my needs
met. We can look at the things we don't have and mourn them, or we can focus
on what we still get to enjoy - and be grateful.
The world is getting to be a scary place at times, I open the newspaper or
the online articles and my heart sinks at the latest war updates, political
unrest, ridiculous celebrity brouhaha, climate upheaval, or whatever doom
and gloom is happening. I can pray for those situations and my heart can
hurt.....but I can also be extremely grateful that I've been spared, and
that due to circumstances (completely undeserved) I've been fortunate enough
to live a good life that's been free of so many tragedies that others
encounter.
AGEING GRACEFULLY
The other area I want to focus on in the decades ahead is to be a woman who
faces life's ups and downs with
grace. I will age and slow down, I'll have times when my body lets me down, when
people let me down, when circumstances let me down, when I become a burden..... but if I choose to face the
ageing process with grace and acceptance, rather than fighting it and
becoming bitter, then I know that I'll be a lot more pleasant to be around.
Nobody likes a whiner - and an elderly whiner is avoided like the plague.
That would be a terrible way to end my days - not just old, but old and
alone, sinking slowly into self-pity and being miserable.
I also don't want to be in a constant battle with the ageing process. I don't want to spend a fortune on trying to stave off the
fact that time is taking its toll. Nothing looks worse than an old woman
desperately trying to be on a par with
much younger women. I'm happy to let the young be young.....I'll still do my best to make the
most of what I have - but that's not my focus. Give me grace and a smile any day (even if it comes with a
few wrinkles).
Instead of focusing on fighting the ageing process, I want to embrace it on my own terms and leave a legacy where my family and friends smile when they think of me. I hope that's what you're aiming for too.
RELATED POSTS
BEFORE YOU GO:
If you'd like to know when I write a new post, please click HERE for email updates.
If you'd like to comment but not here on the blog, feel free to email
me at
leanne.crestingthehill@gmail.com - I'd love to hear from you.
And please share this post by clicking on a share button before you
go.
One of your best posts yet. Maybe because it includes the chance for your many followers to get a another opportunity to check out the cheeky blog you asked your naughty mother to submit back in August 2018. Now that I have hit the scary 80 year mark, I know that it is all about how we accept the aging process and appreciate the fact that not everyone is fortunate enough to reach 80 and beyond.
ReplyDeleteI feel very blessed to be one of the lucky ones. Love you. Mum. xx
Hi Mum! You inspire me every day to be upbeat, positive, accepting of what I can't change......and trying to follow your advice to worry less! Aging happens to us all, and it comes down to choosing our attitude and finding the joyful bits of each day. Thank you for being such a great role model - onward and upward there's more decades to come. xxx
DeleteHi, Leanne - I totally agree that grateful and graceful go perfectly together. I turn 64 soon. I am sure that there is a song about that somewhere! :D
ReplyDeleteI think there's definitely a song about that - and I expect to see it on FB when your big day arrives. One of the biggest take aways from blogging has been the example of so many women who are ageing with enthusiasm and joy (you're one of them) and that encourages me to do the same every day. x
DeleteGreat post! I turn 62 this weekend, but I really don't feel that old; I still feel 40 inside. Although I've had to accept that physically there things I can no longer do, there is still plenty to be grateful for - including all the discounts I can now claim for being a 'senior' - lunch deals, discounted theatre and cinema tickets, etc. I'm also lucky to have generally good physical and mental health, other than some ongoing back pain and sciatic problems; I have many friends younger than me who are not so fortunate. I am grateful to have a full and active life and intend to continue this way for a long as I'm able.
ReplyDeleteHi Shirley - that's exactly how I feel and I think it's why we're doing so well at this stage of life. Feeling like we're 40 but not resenting the fact that we're not, accepting the physical changes while doing our best to appreciate all the bonuses that come with being in our 60's - life is good and I'm grateful every day for my blessings (and I'm looking forward to a few of those discounts soon!)
DeleteOh that is definitely something I'm aiming for!
ReplyDeleteIt starts at your age Joanne - gratitude, acceptance, looking for the glimmers of joy - and then taking that attitude with you into the decades ahead. x
DeleteI turned 65 the end of August and since my partner didn't wish to celebrate my birthday (I was heartbroken) I decided to celebrate it by buying myself a cake, some champagne and went to a nearby park and celebrated with the birds, the squirrels and the dragonflies. I brought some seeds so I could feed the birds in my hands. We had a feast. All of that amid the peacefulness and acceptance of nature. No rejection and no chaos.
ReplyDeleteThat's the perfect example of not wallowing in the negatives and choosing to find joy despite them Yvonne. I'm sorry your partner didn't step up, but so happy that you chose to celebrate anyway - and the memory will be a precious one in the years ahead. I like the idea of cake, birds, squirrels, and sunshine.
DeleteI am 57, and one thing that has put me off as I grew older is that I haven't been able to do many things that I could easily manage when I was younger.
ReplyDeleteFor example, when I wasn't able to read something that is closer to my eyes, I was resistant to accept the new reality of long sight. And I was initially even reluctant to wear the glasses. Of course, now I have accepted it.
Another is my inability to run. I used to run long distance when I was young. But I can no longer. So, now I just walk long distance.
Aging gracefully is all about accepting wholeheartedly and happily the new realities.
Acceptance is a big one Pradeep. Age brings with it physical decline - you can slow it, but it's inevitable. Accepting the new realities and working around them so that life is still a pleasure is definitely the secret. I'll be grateful to be able to walk properly again - and will be quite happy if I can't run - running is less important at 60 than it was at 20 :)
DeleteLeanne,
ReplyDeleteI loved this post!! I chose THRIVE as my word for this year and since June , when I started my Journey to living a Healthier life and to date have lost 26 pounds, I feel younger than i have in the last decade! As I approach 65 years old next year, I want to be a better version of myself. I am walking now which I could not do for many years prior to my knee replacement surgery, I have more energy and I feel great!! Aging has to do with one's mindset as you mentioned in this post with the differences between your mother and MIL...I embrace aging because as a cancer survivor, I know that no every one is given the privilege of growing old and it is a privilege!! Thanks so much for visiting too!!
Hugs,
Deb
Hi Deb - I think cancer survivors have such an increased level of gratitude for the privilege of growing older. And "Thrive" is the perfect WOTY for this age and stage. Congrats on the weight loss - I've been trying to not gain kilos while my ability to walk is so restricted. It's easy to put weight on and so darn hard to get it off again. I'm hoping this hip replacement goes ahead so I can say "I'm walking again" like you can! Thanks so much for your kind words about my post. x
DeleteWhen I encounter people (mostly women) like your MIL I have compassion and acceptance because very often those women have a lot of open wounds and have experience trauma. I am not saying that it's the case with your MIL Let's face it, nobody wants to live an unhappy life. Something is preventing them from truly being happy. Happiness is overrated anyway. I much prefer peace and joy. Leanne, I appreciate your sharing and thank you for doing so.Your posts always trigger a reaction, but in a good way.
ReplyDeleteHi Yvonne - I think a lot of bitter people hold childhood hurts and grudges in their hearts that then colour their worldview for life. It saddens me and reminds me that we have to let injustices go and practice forgiveness - even when we were the one who was wronged. My husband always says "happiness is very overrated" and both of us are very focused on seeking small joys, peace, serenity and contentment. We often ask each other - how content do you feel? rather than how happy do you feel? because it 's a better indicator of a balanced life.
DeleteSuch a great post. Very nice. Thanks for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Patrick - it's been a topic that's been on my heart and in my mind for quite a while - and a good reminder to myself along the way as I wrote it.
DeleteLeanne, you have done an outstanding job with this post. Not only do I aspire to be this kind of woman, I also surround myself with women who are aging with gratitude and grace. Who needs Debbie Downers around at this stage of the game. For me, staying physically active and mentally engaged while accepting that every decade will dictate practical adjustments is key.
ReplyDeleteI thought I had the 'type' figured out until I watched my MIL enter her 70's, 80's and now 90's.
She defies every notion I have about aging gracefully and still displays a wonderful attitude. She has no desire to interact with anyone beyond our small family unit, and has very few interest to keep her engaged. Her days seem like drudgery to me, but she never complains and always has a kind word or deed to offer. Go figure? I gave up years ago trying to 'help' her enjoy life more. While her lifestyle wouldn't be for me, I find her inner peace admirable, however she creates it.
Hi Suzanne - it's interesting how you describe your MIL - because that's the life my MIL lives. Her problem is that she focuses on the lack of company, the boredom, the physical limitations etc - and does nothing to alleviate them. I've tried to encourage her to get out and be more social etc, but she's resistant. Family can't be your sole source of purpose, but some people don't see that, and we have to allow them to miss out on what we see would make their lives so much fuller.
DeleteI sometimes think I could fall into the same trap (except my kids live hours away!) so I do my utmost to stay engaged and balance time alone with time with others, and also to remind myself of how good life is (despite the aches and pains). Being alive, being well, being content - so many blessings to count!
I love the comparison of your mum and MIL. It really hits home how we can face life differently. And I agree with you, I want to face aging with grace and gratitude! I am happier and healthier at 62 than I was at 52, or even 42!
ReplyDeleteI think I'm the same Pat - I thought that my 60's were the beginning of being "old" but I don't feel that way at all. I feel like l'm finally living the life I'm suited to..... a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and lots of things I love. I sometimes can't believe how blessed I am to be be so content when I see so many people trying so hard to be "relevant" and missing out on what's right in front of them.
DeleteSuch a good post Leanne. Love that you have such good role models too. Hopefully we can all be good examples for our girls too - you are already to so many. Have you heard of the Grandmother hypothesis? It's the idea that role of post-menopausal women in supporting, nourishing and caring for their offspring is an adaptation that improves survival of 'the clan.' (basically because they provide food/calories and connection!) It's worth reading up on, and a great reminder that older women have traditionally been extremely valued community members and should be still.
ReplyDeleteHi Agnesa - I hadn't heard of the Grandmother hypothesis and now I'm going to go off and Google it. My DIL is so grateful for the support we give them and for the time we spend with her daughters (freeing them up for some adult time now and then). She said besides being grateful for it, it's a great role model for her for when it's her time to do the same. It makes me feel warm inside to know that small actions that bring me joy, also bring joy to others - that's a nurturing in itself.
DeleteA great way of looking at how we age Leanne. I'm like you, I realise I'm getting older (I'll be 62 in a few months time) but I'm happy in skin and love the life I'm living. I have lots of interests and activities plus an online blogging community of like-minded (mainly) women who show me that getting older doesn't have to be sad trip down a slippery dip! Stay positive and keep doing 'you'. x
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - the biggest blessing of blogging has been engaging with like minded women who are embracing this stage of life, rather than spiralling down or feeling invisible. So much depends on our attitude and on our appreciation for all that we have to enjoy.
DeleteLeanne, I certainly notice my body isn't what it once was - though that of course is mostly my fault for not looking after it - and my face and features (and skin) are looking old, but I often forget that I am in fact ageing.
ReplyDeleteI saw someone post something on FB the other day saying they were looking for holiday options for a group of 'older' women. I assumed 70s or so, but then I saw the person posting said that most of them are in their early 50s.
I'm only just accepting the notion of middle age!
Hi Deb - I know it's weird isn't it? You feel like you're 40 and then realize you're the age you think of your mother as being! I'm definitely not physically who I was at 20, but it's really not a big deal to my these days - I'm much more focused on working on the inside parts of me - having a beautiful soul.....rather than the outer parts that are just going to continue to age. Life's very good and I want to celebrate the years ahead (not mourn them). Welcome to middle age! :D
DeleteYes to all of this, Leanne! My granddaughter asked me how old I was the other day. I told her 60 (that was before my birthday), and she said, "Wow. You're fit for your age." At one time, the "for your age" may have bothered me, but now I said, "Thank you. I take good care of myself, so I can enjoy life and spend more time with you." And I meant it. I don't want to be in a constant battle against aging either. I want to be the best version of myself at this age and nothing more. Sure there are parts of my body on which time is taking its toll, and sometimes I worry about the vulnerability of old age, but I wouldn't go back to a younger time, even if I could. I love where I am today.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - I used to call that the "for her age" disclaimer, but now I'm happy to be in good shape and health "for my age". I like this stage of life (despite the physical setbacks at times) it's such a blessing to be alive and to have the time to discover what life still has in store for us - I'm grateful every day for this lovely life I have.
DeleteGreat post Leanne. How do I want to age? I would like to age gratefully. I lost 3 parents in their early 60's and my mother-in-law in her early 50's, they were all so young. And I would like to do it gracefully; enjoy every day and for what it is and where I am.
ReplyDeleteYou're so right about remembering how fortunate we are to be alive and healthy and enjoying life. So many miss that opportunity. It's a waste on our behalf if we don't set out to make the most of these extra years we've been blessed with - and to be grateful for everyo one of them!
DeleteHi Leanne, Thank you for your weekend coffee share. I'm definitely aiming for ageing gratefully and gracefully. When I wake up in the morning, I'm grateful for a new day and I love my life.
ReplyDeleteHi Natalie - I'm loving my life too. There are ups and downs, but overall we need to look at all the blessings we have and the beauty of a life that is ours to enjoy. I'm grateful every single day for the wonderful things Midlife has brought my way.
DeleteJust popping in from #weekendcoffeeshare to say a quick hello. I'm hoping you're recovery from surgery is going well.
ReplyDeleteHi Jenn - yes I'm going really well - much better than I expected, and just trying to pace myself so I don't do anything silly and set myself back.
DeleteI love everything about this post, Leanne. Your positive attitude is wonderful and how you choose to live your life with gratitude is inspiring. Looking at our blessings is the way to go and the way to live a good life. I'm almost 50 but feel like 30 in my head! It's weird at times. Doing my best now to create a good second half of my life and hope I can live it with your kind of attitude.
ReplyDeleteHi Susanne - it's funny how we feel 20 years younger than our actual age - I think it's a good thing because it means we're savouring life and living it well. I'm so grateful for this second half of life and the free time I'm finally able to indulge in. I love that we've made good decisions and can cut back on the 9-5 and just enjoy these golden days.
DeleteI LOVED this. Thank you for sharing. I've been thinking about this a lot lately as my husband and I are faced with more ailments as we age. I plan to make gratitude a bigger part of my life, daily.
ReplyDeleteHi Kathleen - I've found that the tough times come whether we want them to or not, but we get to choose our response. Remembering how much good we have in our life and focusing on that, rather than on the day to day physical issues really helps me weather any storms that life tosses at me (including that dodgy hip!)
DeleteLeanne,
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this !! Fantastic post!! I am choosing to age gratefully and gracefully!! Over the past few months, I have taken control of my health and I am on a journey toward a much healthier life as I feel these are the best years of my life in Retirement..I finally gt to do what i want to do and listen to no one and I want it to last as long as it can!! Thanks for the inspiration , as always!!
Hugs,
Deb
Hi Deb - I can't believe how fortunate I feel to be retired, to be living life on my own terms, to have the time I need to heal after my recent surgery, and to get back to a more mobile and healthy life. I've admired your new healthy lifestyle and the benefits you're reaping now that you have the time to focus more on yourself and what your body needs.
Delete