HOW MY HOME HAS BECOME MY HAVEN

One of the signs of settling into Midlife is that, as nice as it is to have lots of outside interests, I also really love being home.

WHEN YOU LOVE BEING HOME

I think one of the signs of settling into Midlife is that, as nice as it is to have lots of outside interests, I also really love being home. I think about all the freedom I have now, all the places I could go, all the social activities I have the time for, and all the entertainment that's available....and for the most part I'd rather be home.

I know that we all need to get out and about and be sociable and stay engaged with life, but I also love that my home has become my sanctuary where I can just relax and be in my own space. Today I wanted to share a few thoughts on how my home has become my haven.....

A PLUS FROM THE PANDEMIC

When the pandemic was raging all around us and we were confined to home, I realized that I actually enjoyed being "stuck in the house all day. Others may have missed the social whirl, but I found the peace and quiet and lack of commitments really relaxing. I didn't like the idea that I had no option other than staying home, but I did find that being in my own house was a safe place that held comfort and provided for all my immediate needs.

I like to stay at home with all the home comforts

When it was time to emerge and resume all the usual busyness of life, I found I was more discerning about what I was investing my time into, and that there was an innate desire to spend more time within the walls of my own home. I liked it there, and I'd found lots to keep me occupied without needing to seek outside activities to keep me occupied.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT BEING HOME

If you're not a homebody, you probably wonder why anyone would want to be confined to home on a voluntary basis. I remember when I was out morning, noon and night with so many work and leisure commitments. I loved having a full calendar and always having something on the go. As time has slowed with retirement, and my life is no longer revolving around work, I find that I don't need as many distractions, I don't need to find fun things to balance my week. It feels like every day is on my own terms now and I don't need to escape from anything.

I feel such a sense of peace and contentment when I walk in the door after being out on errands or other activities, even at night as I turn off the lights and head for bed, a feeling of quietness and 'all being right' seems to settle around me like a cosy blanket. I just feel like this is where I'm meant to be, and it's been another good day.

FINDING YOUR HAPPY PLACE

Both our adult "kids" have sold their first homes and purchased their "forever" homes in recent months. I saw them looking for different qualities in their second homes than they did in their first ones. There was a nod to their childhoods spent on a large bush block, there was a desire for room to meet their individual preferences and for the family as a whole, and during the search it was having that "coming home" feeling, that made them know they'd found their perfect places.

We had that feeling when we bought our current house 15 years ago, and it just seems to increase with time. We've changed little things, made adjustments, tweaked, and changed until things just felt right. It's such a blessing to be able to share a space with a person (or family) who you love and who allows you the space to "be" - connecting and being apart, re-connecting, coming and going - all in a pattern that feels like a comfortable fit.

PROTECTING MY PEACE WHEN CONFLICT COMES IN

A little while ago we had a family member visiting who made a judgemental, critical comment that upset my equilibrium. I wondered why it impacted me more than usual, and I've realized now that it was because it happened inside my home. I'd opened our home to this person, shared our hospitality, shared my little sanctuary....and I was disrespected. It felt even more personal because it happened in my home space.

After that incident I decided that I would do my utmost to keep my home open to others, but to have boundaries in place where I protect my peace. You are welcome to come - but please be mindful that this is my safe place, my haven, my home....and respond accordingly. After working in a toxic environment for so long, I'm very gun shy when it comes to people who invade my space and cause me upset, my focus is on feeling secure, and my home is the essence of that security.

my home is my haven - I can be alone here for days

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Have you noticed that your home has become more of a haven over time? Do you find yourself spending more time at home than you used to, or are you still out and about more than staying in? What makes your home special?

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One of the signs of settling into Midlife is that, as nice as it is to have lots of outside interests, I also really love being home.

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Cresting the Hill - a blog for Midlife (Middle Aged / 50+) women who want to thrive
One of the signs of settling into Midlife is that, as nice as it is to have lots of outside interests, I also really love being home.

37 comments

  1. Hi, Leanne - Although I love travel, and visiting others, I always love returning to the immense comfort of my own home. You captured this well in your post. I agree that there truly is no place quite like home.

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    1. Hi Donna - I think travelling is lovely, but there's nothing like the familiarity of your own home turf. I seem to have even less desire to travel these days because everything I need is at my fingertips - maybe the urge will return down the track...

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  2. I love going away, but I also love coming home and really miss my creature comforts when I'm away.

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    1. No idea why suddenly I'm anonymous. Maybe I've been anonymous for a few weeks and haven't noticed? Maybe I'm not really here at all ...

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    2. For a figment of your (and my) imagination you're doing well - I don't know why some people end up as anonymous either - it's just weird..... but I also agree that coming home to those little comforts makes us appreciate home even more.

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  3. There is nothing like 'home' as I write about a lot!! Home IS a place, a space and a feeling. I had to leave where I thought was home, to return after 8 years, to know I was back where I was meant to be now. I also have spaces outside the physical house where I feel at home. My car, listening to a fave author via Audible, a coffee shop for solo coffee where they know how to make my fave drink, and certain places in nature from my childhood and growing up years. Now that we have found the 'best kind of rental house' for us, we are making it home both inside and outside. And we find what we like most, after visits from our family, is having them leave knowing we have had our 'fix of family' for a while. Nice post, Leanne. Denyse

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    1. Hi Denyse - I love it when family visits (we've just had the grandgirls for a few days) and I also love it when they return to their homes and we return to peace and quiet and the familiarity of our "usual" routines. Sometimes you need to leave somewhere to discover that it was where you wanted to be after all - and so good that you got to return and found the perfect place to settle. I have my favourite outside spaces too, but nothing beats being in my own zone in my own home - life is good :)

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  4. I feel the same way! I always feel slightly guilty about it too for some reason! I’m retiring this year and I can’t wait to be able to fill my time with the things I want to do and with the people I choose to be around.

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    1. I feel a little bit guilty about it too - and the fact that I really don't want to go away on a long trip and leave it for someone else to housesit. I like my home, I like where my home is, I like my own space and doing my own thing. You're going to love being retired and getting to do life on your own terms. One thing my little upset with my family member showed me is that boundaries include more than just my personal space - they include my home too, and I intend to respect that space more. :)

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  5. Great post! I'm still working but don't know what I would do without my lovely home to come to for refuge!! Thanks, and have a good day!

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    1. It's such a blessing to have a home that feels like somewhere we can rest and let the world fall off our shoulders. I think when you're at work all day, having somewhere soft to land at the end of it is the key to being able to do it all again day after day.

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  6. Resonates with me perfectly . Great to hear I’m not alone 💐

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    1. You are definitely not alone - and I think many of us are finding that our homes are becoming even more of a refuge as our world gets busier and noisier and feels less caring and more unsafe.

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  7. For me Home is where I feel safe. Safe to be ME, totally. You describe so well that feeling of safety.

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    1. Hi Judith - safety came to mind when I replied to the comment above yours - I think we all are more aware of how we feel less safe out in the world these days and it's so important to have a refuge to retreat back to so we can regroup and recharge.

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  8. Oh, Leanne, I could go on & on. My prayer: Thank you for my home in the hills, the home in my heart & the people who lead me there. I love my home. Home is all that you & others have described. Nate Berkus, an American home decorator/designer once said - Your home should rise up to greet you. That's how I feel when I return to my home no matter the length of time I've been away. I once read on the blogosphere - in retirement, I now get to stay in the home that I used to leave daily to go to work to pay for (paraphrased).

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    1. Hi Mona - I loved "Your home should rise up to greet you" - it feels like that to me too - even if I've only been out for an hour or so, it's like "coming home" to a warm hug. And yes, the idea that retirement allows us the privilege of enjoying all that we've worked so hard for is an added blessing of this stage of life. I'm so glad that I'm content with what I have, that it's more than enough for our comfort and needs, and I can be at peace here and grateful for the blessing of a warm hug to come home to. :)

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  9. Hi Leanne. Home is my sanctuary. It's the home I always dreamed of, in the countryside with a big garden to grow our own fruit and veg - we sacrificed living space for the outdoor space. It's not a fancy house but it's where I am happiest and where I feel most myself. It's the place I always want to come back to. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who doesn't want to be out all the time!

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    1. Hi Rebecca - I seem to want to be out less and less these days. It's nice to pop out for a while, but so much nicer to come home and settle in. I think a big garden and home produce sounds lovely - my husband has just started a vegie garden in the last year or so and he's enjoying the process while I enjoy the produce! And bigger is definitely not better in my views of what makes a home - small and cosy often wins over palatial and cold :)

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  10. Thank you Leanne for another relevant post. I am not in my dream house because of circumstances but I am grateful to have a place to come to rest, read and listen to the birds. I think of all the homeless people who have no shelter during this heat wave.
    I like to go out to the park or to a café but glad to return home. I love the quotes and I am glad that you're setting boundaries inside your home. I do the same. My home is my sanctuary. I told you this already but your blog is my treat on a Monday morning. Thank you for all you do.😊

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    1. Hi Yvonne - it's so lovely that you're back in my comments section :) And I definitely believe that a house doesn't have to be perfect to feel like a home and a safe place. I too am even more grateful when I think of all of those people affected by war or homelessness who don't have the simple pleasure of four walls and a safe place to return to. We are very blessed to have a home and I think that makes me even more thankful for mine and the sanctuary it provides. Thanks for sharing the journey with me and for cheering me on. x

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  11. Leanne, Wow, this really hit home. (no pun intended, but it's a good one!).Your statement about not needing to escape anything.... For years, I shared our home with my SIL and never felt like it was my space. I used work to escape the house and her - I became very much a workaholic, traveling extensively for work, and just working long hours at the office. Now, I don't need to escape, and do find comfort in the space we have. I enjoy puttering in the garden (when it's not so blistering hot), sitting and looking at the water, putting my feet up in the silence of the back bedroom/office. I've become much more of a homebody than I ever expected to be! It might not be everything I want it to be (I do have to live with my hoarder of a hubby.), but yes, it is my haven.

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    1. Hi Pat - I love my SIL dearly but I couldn't imagine living with her long term! I take my hat off to you for managing it - and coping with the situation for so long. You have your reward for a job well done by having your space back now. I really do enjoy the silence and the fact that it's MY home, with my people, my rules, my taste, my privacy, and I like that I can choose who comes inside. It was a valuable lesson to see how intrusion can impact that sense of peace - and one I learned well this time! I think it's important to pause now and then and appreciate the blessing of what we have and how special it is - nothing beats a bit of puttering or sitting to warm the heart and soul. :)

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  12. I've always been a content homebody so I spend lots of time at home but I am never (or rarely anyway!) bored. I have lots of interests and plenty of "favorite spots" around that feel cozy to me.

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    1. Hi Jo - I always enjoyed my home, but I think subconsciously I thought that retirement and being home more might have become boring or dull. I didn't realize I'd love it so much, and love being home in the peace and sanctuary of my own space doing my own thing. You just seem to figure things out faster than I do! :)

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  13. Leanne,
    I can not agree with you more and I know you and I discussed this before.. I too did not mind being "stuck" at home during the Pandemic and I would have stayed at home even if there was not a Pandemic...My home has always been my haven and now more so than ever which is why, I am choosing, for now, to stay here...I feel at peace here and comforted here....I have started to go out and volunteer at our church which is good but I still enjoy being home... Since my son comes for Dinner every evening, I still get to spend time with someone every day and I am not alone...Thanks so much for stopping by!! I hope you are having a good week!!
    Hugs,
    Deb

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    1. Hi Debbie - I think some of us are just homebodies who love our little peace of heaven. It looks different for each of us, and I think we all need human contact and can't lock ourselves away forever, but having that safe place that surrounds us and gives us a refuge against the bigger world is such a blessing. I'm happy for the people who don't need it, but I'm definitely not one of them - my home has become my haven and I don't ever see that changing - and I totally understand why you're staying put for the foreseeable future. :)

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  14. I know this feeling. And yes, it was during the pandemic that I realized how self-contained I was - happy to be at home and 'safe'. In recent years, we prefer to meet people out of our home - it's not the same as having them over, but it's definitely easier to maintain boundaries. Very few people are welcome!

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    1. Hi Corinne - I've found the same thing. I've been following a speaker who advocates for hospitality, but I just don't have it in me to invite many people into my home. I've found that keeping my home as a home and meeting others at a cafe works so much better for me these days - so much less pressure and stress.

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  15. We spend a lot of time away mainly due to our children living a fair way away from us, so to se them and our grandchildren we travel quite a bit. It's funny our girls couldn't wait to get away from our little town (we didn't try to stop them as it's something they had to do) but now they love bringing their children 'home' for a visit. I like being at home but don't often crave my own bed or things when I'm away. I know that feeling of 'coming home' and we're days away from getting back after this latest trip to visit and help out.

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    1. Hi Deb - our kids were itching to move to the city after high school and we supported them in that idea too - stretching their wings, going to uni etc. I'd hoped they'd move back afterwards, but they're established now and I have no desire to move closer to them. I love how they enjoy coming for visits, settling in for a few days and just being family - you don't get that with an hour visit each week.
      Having the means to be able to travel to see them, and the comfort of a home you love to return to is the best of both worlds. x

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  16. While I do enjoy being out and about, I always feel a sense of peace and comfort when I walk in the door of my home. And if I've been busy outside the home for a few days in a row, I'm always relieved to see an empty day on the calendar when I can stay at home. For the time being, we actually have two homes, and I definitely find our home in Southern Utah to be more of a haven. I think in part because it is smaller, newer, and only contains items specifically chosen for that home. That confirms what I already know, which is that we need to keep working on decluttering our older home. I believe the time will come when we sell it, but for now it's closer to the family, and we just aren't ready to let it go.

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    1. Hi Christie - I wonder if a home that has less "stuff" in it feels more welcoming and less stressful, or whether homes full of "stuff" feel more "homey". I guess it depends on what your definition of comfort is? I can totally understand why you'd want to keep you home that's close to family....and have a back-up choice for further down the track. I know we'll eventually downsize, and there will be further culling of the contents of this house so the next place won't feel crowded.

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  17. Home. There's no place like it in my book. No place I would rather be. Love what you said about home being the place where your favorite people, places, things all reside. And a place where we can be ourselves. PC is much more interested in going - running around, hitting the mall, seeing a movie, just being OUT somewhere. I am good with being out if it means outside - a hike, a walk outdoors. But endless meandering around the mall is no bueno for me. Just let me be HOME!!
    We have kitties=fur. I am self-conscious about having visitors in who don't have pets. My housekeeping efforts are not as comprehensive as they once were. I really don't like having people into my home unless they are loved ones.
    Loved this post. As always, I found myself saying 'yes' and nodding in agreement all the way through.

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    1. Hi Leslie - we spend little bits of time everyday removing cat hair from furniture, floors, and our clothes - but they're worth the effort aren't they? I'm glad you could relate to my desire to be inside my own space - it's become such a luxury for me to be able to sit quietly doing what I feel like for however much time I want to spend on it. I love that it's my time, my space, my people, my stuff - no catering for others, no putting up with annoyances - just peace and pleasantness - bliss....

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  18. Oh my. Leanne. I've missed your posts...I haven't been seeing them come across my feed. :( I love this post. I love being home, and when I'm off work I just want to come right home. I hate days when I have to run errands after work...I just want to be in my space. My husband teased me the other day that I'm such a homebody now that I didn't even think about paying for public parking on the street and got a warning...haha!

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    1. Hi Kirstin - I don't know if it was all the time at home that we all spent during covid, or what it was that swung me into being such a homebody too. I love that I'm not working anymore, I love peaceful days at home, I love coming home when I've been away. It's such a blessing to have a house that feels like a home isn't it?

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