HOW TO FIND BALANCE IN YOUR LIFE (PART 2)

The second in a three part series on finding balance in your life based on a Charlotte Freeman quote
Photo by Utomo Hendra Saputra on Unsplash

FINDING BALANCE PART 2

On Monday I shared Part 1 of a quote from Charlotte Freeman that gave some great suggestions on how to find balance - and consequently some contentment and happiness - in life. This is the second part (of a three part series) where I am sharing how her thoughts intersect with Midlife and trying to get the balance right.

How to find balance in your life - Charlotte Freeman quote

KNOW YOUR WORTH

Know who you are and know that you are worthy of reaching your dreams. 

I know from reading hundreds of blog posts from other Midlife bloggers that we all doubt our own self worth more often than we should. We've been brought up in an era of children being seen and not heard, of putting everyone else's needs before our own, and very rarely hearing any praise or commendation. We seemed to miss the boat when it came to being part of the "Me Generation" that Millennials inherited.

The joy of Midlife is realizing that it's not too late. We may have half of our life behind us, but there is still (Lord willing) half to go and we can use that time to find out who we are and what we want to do. All those little thoughts we've had can be looked at more closely and any that tickle our fancy can be put into action.

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE

It is never too late to start creating that life you have always dreamed of.

I think we all have a secret (and not-so-secret) bucket list, now is the time to start living some of those dreams. I know I always wanted to try leadlighting - so my husband gave me a little push by enrolling me in lessons for my birthday a couple of years ago. The staircase I ended up being able to make still gives me something to smile about every day.

Blogging turned out to be another dream that I never even knew I had - what a wonderful world it has opened up for me. It has given me the impetus to change jobs, introduced me to wonderful people all over the world, and given me a gift that is something I really treasure. The encouragement and connections help fill this second half of my life with joy and my blog has given me my voice - something I hadn't known was missing.

DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF

Do not compare yourself to others, that’s just deadly. No two souls are the same. You are your own person, you are beautiful and you are unique. 

One of the other blessings from blogging is the realization that life is not a competition. We can all be doing something similar, but we all have our own way of doing it. You can admire someone else's journey without needing to make it your own. There is a saying“lighting someone else's candle won't make yours any less bright” and it is so true - along with "comparison being the thief of joy". Let's take the time to compliment each other and cheer each other on - someone else's success doesn't diminish our own.

“lighting someone else's candle won't make yours any less bright”

I tend to baulk at the "you are soooo beautiful" type comments that are thrown around willy-nilly these days. Society is so fixated on outer beauty - trying to measure up is a battle that we're destined to fail. But....we can develop our souls - we can become more beautiful inside as we age and that shows through as we demonstrate kindness, and compassion, and tolerance, and peace, and acceptance - all qualities our world desperately needs.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Do you see yourself as beautiful and unique? Are you living the life you dreamt of? Have you started to make the second half of life really count? I truly believe that the best is yet to come - life has really only just begun and we don't want to waste a moment of it in self-doubt, excuses or comparisons.


The second in a three part series on finding balance in your life based on a Charlotte Freeman quote

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40 comments

  1. Cpmparisonitis is the worst...so is imposter syndrome - which ties into the whole question of worth. Thanks for the reminder that it's never too late - time is a concept I've been struggling with of late, but you're absolutely right...it's never too late.

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    1. I'm surprised at how much there is still to do in life Jo - and also, how much I've enjoyed the things I've discovered in the last few years. It's like coming out of the tunnel and realizing there is still so much more to do and see!

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  2. Hi, Leanne - I completely agree that "the joy of Midlife is realizing that it's not too late." I also agree about Bucket Lists. This past summer Richard and I accomplished one of our major bucket lists items (walking 700 km of the Camino Trail). That was so contagious for us, this Spring we are going for Bucket List Item #2 (visiting Angkor Wat in Cambodia). We keep a list of our Bucket List items on our fridge -- it is impossible to ignore that way!

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    1. Your bucket list is a lot more adventurous (and expensive) than mine Donna, but I totally agree that we need things to look forward to, and we're at a stage of life where we can actually do something about ticking a few items off. I wonder if you'll bump into any tomb raiders in Cambodia?

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  3. It's taken me years (over 50 to be exact) to finally get to this point! I think that's exactly why I'd never want to go back to my youth....I feel like I know myself so much better now.
    What a great series, Leanne!!
    XOXO
    Jodie
    www.jtouchofstyle.com

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    1. I think the saying that "youth is wasted on the young" has a lot of truth in it Jodie. All those years of self conscious worrying when we were at our young and fresh best! At least we've cottoned on it time to not waste the next half of life!

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  4. Comparison is the thief of joy but it's a trap I can often fall in but at least I'm aware of it and catch myself when it's happening. You are so right in what you say about our generation being different than the 'me generation'. As you said, that's the beauty of mid-life - finally time to find ourselves and understand ourselves and spend the rest of our lives (hopefully) in a way that fulfills and makes us happy! I started a bucket list on the blog but I don't think I've ticked anything off it! Must check that! :-) #TeamLovinLife

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    1. I'm coming to realize that so much of what we see online (and even IRL) is the highlight reel. We all think everyone else is doing so much better than us, but it's really just the facade we see. I'm relaxing more now and trying to focus on my own world and what makes me happy - comparison just sucks the joy out of that so I'm working on stopping it in its tracks.

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  5. Knowing my own self worth is the biggie for me. I really lack self confidence and having a belief in myself and capabilities at times. But I'm slowly getting there as I get older, because I know longer worry about what other people think of me and I've stopped comparing myself with others. Baby steps!! #TeamLovinLife

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    1. I still worry about the opinions of others too much Kathy - that colours my world and impacts on it more than I'd like. I'm getting good at letting the superficial people's opinions bounce off, but those who are close to me still have too much influence. Another couple of years and I should have a handle on it!

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  6. Shifting the focus away from 'others' to 'self' seems to be such a challenge for lots of women in mid-life Leanne. I think it's more of a problem for women who have followed traditional paths of marriage and motherhood. My observation is also that guilt is one of the most damaging and constraining emotions and it leads to women suffering poor self-worth. I'm fortunate to not be hard-wired to suffer guilt and be constantly second guessing myself. Finding one's voice through blogging is very powerful.

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    1. I wish I had the ability to not be bothered by guilt and other people's opinions Jo - I'm getting better, but it's definitely been a learning curve to gain that self confidence to say 'take me or leave me'. But it's so worth it in the end.

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  7. It's never too late. That is so true. I tell my toddler each day is a new opportunity to start over. I tell him, but never seem to remind myself.

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    1. I wish someone had told me things like this when I was a toddler - it would have made life a lot easier! You're a great mum :)

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  8. Loved this post! Thank you for sharing your ideas with us all.

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    1. Thanks so much for you kind words - it was my pleasure x

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  9. I agree Leanne, we have so much to do in this next phase of our lives to be worried about comparing ourselves to others. I know I tend to do this at times - besides being very wearing, it doesn't achieve anything at all! You have again communicated your thoughts really well and I found myself nodding along through your post Thanks for being so honest and inspiring.

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    1. I fall into this trap all the time Deb - I think I'm better than I was, but it's so hard these days with everyone's show reel running on social media. I'm hoping to get the balance right where I can cheer them on and not feel threatened by their great qualities.

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  10. Leanne, I was brought up under my mother's mantra which I heard several times a day: "What will people. the neighbours/ the teachers think if you ....?" Really important issues (?!) like "What would the neighbours think when they saw me climbing trees? (They probably thought I was climbing trees . . . again!) And what would they think when they saw me running barefoot in the garden? (They were probably envious.) It is a difficult habit to shake, and every time I put something "out there" on my blog I find myself having to push that concept out of my mind. It really doesn't matter what others think. This is how *I* think! Who knows? Maybe that's part of the reason I'm doing this Thankful Thursday #6 challenge where I just list every thing I'm thankful for.

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    1. Blogging has been so good for me in this area Shirley - it's something I own and it allows me to be able to say what's on my mind and heart without feeling the pressure to keep everyone happy. It backfires occasionally but I guess freedom always comes at a cost :)

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  11. I agree it's never too late and the best is yet to come, Leanne. This is a great post. Please feel free to share your How to find balance part 1 and part 2 posts with the Wellness link up currently opened on my site. Other readers and bloggers could benefit from them. Thank you.

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    1. I just linked up Natalie - thanks so much for the invitation and I'm looking forward to reading some of the other blogs that have been shared x

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  12. My last 2 posts are somewhat about this...things I want to do before I'm too old to do them and things to stop focusing on so I can focus on the good things I want...I Stumbled this so I could refer to it when I need to...thanks!

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    1. I've been enjoying your posts Renee - I loved the 10 things one and the smile at the end. Life is definitely what we make it - and what we choose to focus our interests into - and it's pretty darn good if you ask me!

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  13. This is so true! I feel like I'm missing out on so much of my life right now and worry I'll be "too old" when my time does come. I guess we all feel like that though. I just left a comment on another post that "everyday is a gift" and that's what I keep telling myself.

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    1. You've completely re-invented yourself in the few years I've known you Rena - I am so impressed by what you've achieved and how professional you are. I can't begin to imagine how much of your time it has taken to get where you are now. I hope you still manage to fit some down time in amongst it - family is so important xx

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  14. Great series Leanne! If I am not feeling the love from my job, my customers, my side gigs or even people I deal with, I change the dynamics, find someone else or quit. I can't afford to expend the energy or time anymore!

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    1. You described it perfectly Haralee - it's not about one thing or another, it's about shifting the dynamics around so you can have a little of everything and still enjoy life. This year I'm learning to put my needs much higher up on my list!

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  15. Ah yes, the #worth thing is a biggy for me, as is the concept of being (and having!) enough. At the moment I'm wondering if a relationship is on the cards ever, but know while I still struggle with self-worth it's unlikely. (And that depresses me as I really don't want to go through life without ever being in love or loved!)

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    1. I feel your pain Deb - having a partner isn't the be all and end all, but if you find the right person then sharing your life - loving and being loved - is definitely a blessing. Who knows what the future holds - all those internet dating sites can't be wrong if so many people meet through them - altho it would be nice to just bump into Mr Right at the grocery store wouldn't it?

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  16. I'm enjoying your series Leanne and yes understanding and accepting our own self-worth is not easy. I do find that many of midlife and beyond women are finally taking on board suggestions such as yours. A great positive post and thanks for sharing at #BloggersPitStop.

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    1. I'm even learning to take my own advice these days Sue. It's so easy to say it, or to think it, but to actually put it into practice takes it to another level. I'm finally seeing that I have worth and don't have to put myself last all the time x

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  17. So happy to have discovered you through Sue. We seem to think a lot a like and have similar interests. And share a love for SUE!!

    I am working my way through a book now entitled Finding Your Balance by Sandy Cooper. I am just finishing a chapter on perfectionism, which I suffer from in many aspects of my life. You might find the book interesting and she has a Facebook group with videos that are also helpful.

    While I loved the earlier half of my life, I am enjoying this one as much or more. And can finally say I like myself!! Huge accomplishment. And enjoy encouraging others to like themselves, too!

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    1. I think we're walking very similar paths Leslie (proven by our connection through the lovely Sue!) and I know that perfectionism has been a killer for me. It took me til my mid 50's to find out that it wasn't something to aspire to! Now I find it's okay to just do my best and be satisfied with good enough (it's hard to even type that! - Still have a way to go...)

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  18. Hi Leanne! You make some EXCELLENT recommendations in this post and things that we would all benefit from if we are able to practice them consistently. Of course I've never had too much trouble with knowing that it's never too late, but like most of us, I still have my moments of doubt, questions of self-worth and temptation to compare myself to others. While I'm not as aware and capable as I hope to be some day, I am SO-O-O much better than I used to be!!! I hope more of the same for us all. Thanks for the reminders! ~Kathy

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    1. You have been such a great role model for me Kathy - you seem to be further along in the journey to self-acceptance and to being in the right space for this stage of life - I'm getting there though!

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  19. Leanne, Again, I am loving this series! Imposter Syndrome, Comparative Inferiority, needing external validation, delaying gratification .... many others have commented and I too struggle with these. If I can recognize the thoughts when they are happening and attempt to stop them, I feel good that I am making progress. This year, my personal development goal is to focus on stopping delayed gratification (as Nike says, just do it) and personal validation (not external validation)... super hard tasks for me. Pat

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    1. All those things apply to me too Patricia - it's scary how we've acquired all these traits that we don't want, and now have to work on getting rid of them. Thank goodness that we've woken up before it's too late and can see what direction we need to head in - now we just need to get there :)

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  20. These are all very good points, Leanne. I love the hope and energy inspired by the realization that it is never to late to go for it, and you are worth it! Whatever "it" is for you. I find myself drawn more and more to wellness and mindfulness and wonder if I should consider getting a health coaching certification. I haven't decided yet, but your blog helps me get past the "it's a bit late" argument. As far as comparing ourselves to others, that's a tough one to get past for many of us, but something I am making progress on. Baby steps, huh? Thanks for sharing this important series of posts. I'm off to check out part 3.

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    1. I think it's never too late Christie - if something is pulling you in a new direction, it's better to be brave and pursue it now than to look back in ten years and realize that you've probably missed the boat. I'd definitely go for the certification if I had a dream in that area - you only live once - go for it!

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