FIGURING OUT A NEW RETIREMENT LIFE
When I retired a few years ago I was burnt out from weathering a toxic job
and having my boundaries disrespected. I was emotionally drained, and felt
tired and defeated. The sheer relief of being home and not dealing with
drama and stress was delightful....but I couldn't sit at home looking at
four walls for long before realizing that I needed more in my life.
As my days filled with new activities, I needed to figure out a way to balance
it all so that I didn't find myself busier than I'd been when I was working.
It's so easy for our calendar to fill with all manner of events, and to lose
that sense of being peacefully at home. This is how I found my
balance....
DISCOVERING THE JOY OF A DO-NOTHING DAY
The key to finding balance for me was to allow a day every week or two for chilling out,
a "Do-Nothing" Day. As I found my days filling with coffee dates, exercise class, tai chi,
volunteering, and more, I realized I needed to take some time out for
myself. I needed restful time, unplanned time, peace and quiet, and the
chance to pause during the week days so I wasn't always on the
go.
It doesn't end up being the same day, and I don't manage to fit one into every week - I won't give up the
opportunity to do something out of the house that I'd enjoy because it falls
on my "At-Home" Day, but I do try to set aside a full day every week or so where I
don't have any outside commitments. Some weeks it doesn't happen, but if
I'm intentional in keeping a day for myself, I find I can usually slot one
in regularly - and being flexible is definitely the key. There are so many benefits to having a quiet day at home, but I chose three
to share today...
1. YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU LIKE WHEN YOU LIKE
Doing nothing looks different for each of us. My idea of relaxing is
completely different to yours. I like to read, or take a stroll, or do a
jigsaw, or play on my laptop. Others might like to meditate, or journal,
or lie in the sun, gaze out the window, bake, do yoga, listen to music,
dance, paint, or just enjoy the silence of being alone.
What I love about a "Do-Nothing" Day is that it's different every time.
It involves different activities because it's about doing what you feel
like in your own time and space. Sometimes I create something, other times
I'm immersed in a book, or a podcast, or a Youtube lecture. I don't look
at the clock much, I just go with the flow and the day slips gently
by.
2. YOU DON'T NEED A PLAN OR AN AGENDA
The whole point of a "Do-Nothing" Day is that there is no plan or agenda.
There's no timetable or appointment date to keep. You don't have to cater to
anyone else's needs, you don't have to fit around anyone else's schedule.
There's no need to worry about a venue being open because you're home all
day doing what you like when you like.
I love waking up on a blank calendar day and knowing it stretches out in
front of me with all those hours to fill however I want to on that
particular day. I don't do what I did last week, I just see what I feel like
- what would make me happy and at peace.
3. YOU DON'T NEED TO GO ANYWHERE
When you're having an "At-Home" Day (another of my terms for a "Do-Nothing"
Day) you know that you won't be going anywhere. You can dress in your most
comfy clothes, no shoes (no bra in my case!), hair a bit messy - who cares,
no make-up. Just a casual easy, comfortable day. You can eat breakfast and
lunch whenever the whim takes you because the day is yours, completely
unscheduled and not fitting around other activities.
I love that my car stays parked in the garage, that the door's closed and
I'm not due to be anywhere. There's an innate sense of peace when you sit
quietly in your own home and take time to breathe and to be grateful that
you have a haven to call your own. I often take a moment to think about and
pray for those who haven't got a home of their own - and it's one less thing
I take for granted.
A "DO-NOTHING" DAY IS SUCH A TREAT
I've spent the last few decades of adulthood wishing I could do more things
on my own terms, but there's just not the opportunity when you're raising a
family, working to pay the bills, and fitting all your commitments into an
already busy week. Now that I have so much more free time, it's up to me how
I want to use it - and it's such a treat to be able to set aside a regular
day of "me-time" where I can relax and choose to do whatever takes my
fancy.
I'm grateful for every "Do-Nothing" Day that arrives on my calendar. That
white space in my life gives me room to breathe, to relax, to practice some
self-care, to think, to dream, to discover new ideas. I shut out the noise
of the outside world and immerse myself in an inner world that is full of
peace and quiet joy - I highly recommend you try it if you can find the time
to set aside (even half a day a week is a great start), it will open up a
whole new way of living in this busy environment we all dwell in.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Do you take some time to step away from the world and centre yourself? What
brings you a sense of peace and a haven of comfort and rest?
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Hi Leanne, I make sure I have at least one 'do nothing' day per week (or that's my goal). I let the day unfold and don't really make any decisions on what I want to do. I usually end up reading which I'm doing today as it is a public holiday in Queensland x
ReplyDeleteHi Sue - you have such a full and interesting life, finding a little bit of "me-time" in the mix would be lovely for you. Nothing beats a quiet home and a good book when your mind and body are telling you to take a little break.
DeleteHi Leanne, I am a disabled veteran. I'm a Persian Gulf War combat Veteran. Most of my days are filled with appointments, appointments, and more appointments. After a while the appointments wear one down. I travel by bus so it makes the time even longer. Last month, I have started to block out one week per month in which I do not schedule any appointments. I have told all my providers that I have started this scheduling. They are all on board and actually support the idea. I agree with you, I love not having to go anywhere. Stay in my own home and do whatever I want, when I want, and if I want. It is such a gift to slow down and smell the roses.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry your days are full of appointments as a result of your service. To have given so much and to still be dealing with the aftermath must be very wearying. Good on you for being proactive and scheduling a block of time where you can smell the roses, take a break, and be kind to yourself. I think it's vital for all of us to find that little space to tune out the world and tune into our own needs for a while. Thanks so much for your comment and I wish you all the very best.
DeleteHi Leanne, I love my 'quiet days' at home for many for the reasons you've mentioned in your post. I also enjoy 'alone' time where I'm comfortable in my own skin and with my own company for an hour or so at a time. I think it all helps to keep the balance of our lives once we've retired and is so different to when I worked and had a family at home all the time. A great post!
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - I can't believe how different my life is now - younger me would have been quite envious I think :) There's such a joy and peace to not always be on someone else's schedule - and to enjoy the silence and the lack of agendas that need to be ticked off. Now all I need is your sunroom.....
DeleteHi Leanne. We're back at our home in Georgia. I'm feeling a bit anxious and overwhelmed at all there is to do in the apartment, after being away for 5 months. Thank you for another great reminder to live gently and take some time for ourselves. Stay well, dear friend. xx Sharing to FB. Christina Daggett
ReplyDeleteHi Christina - I'm glad you're home safe and sound, but it certainly is a long time to be away and then return to all that is needing to be caught up with. Still, one step at a time and you'll be on top of things before you know it. I've also found that projecting too far ahead just stresses me more, so I'm working on one day at a time these days :)
DeleteHi Leanne, this really strikes a chord with me. I retired during 2020, when I couldn't go out, or do as much as I liked (I even took a part time job for 6 months for something to do!) but as things opened up again I have become increasingly busy, mainly positive things that I want to do - volunteering for a charity, church activities, walking group, Tai Chi, meeting friends, etc - but I find that I don't have much 'space' in my diary. I think it was in one of your previous blogs that I read that the challenge is not saying 'no' to things you don't want to do, but saying 'no' to things that you do want to do. This is definitely a challenge for me but something that I'm working on. I'm now going to look at my diary for some free spaces and block them out for me 😊
ReplyDeleteHi Shirley - I've been exactly the same since my hip started to fail. It really shut down a lot of my usual activities and my regular walks etc. I did the same as you by taking up another little job to fill the gap, but as I've been able to do more and more, I look at my calendar and it can fill up quickly - even if it's only a coffee date - it still has a timeframe and a commitment attached to it. I just love seeing a blank white day on the calendar where I know I'm home all day - even if I push something onto another day and have two commitments, I'd rather do that than be out of the house every day. I'd definitely recommend finding that white space - just not too much of it!
DeleteOh that does sound wonderful!!
ReplyDeleteHi Joanne - your time will come!
DeleteThese are my favorite kind of days. I can tell when I’ve been too busy and need a day at home. I never get bored and the day flies by. Even as a retiree, I’ve started to look forward to weekends again. No appointments possible!
ReplyDeleteHi Linda - I'm the same, I love those days that have no reason for me to go out. They may only pop up here or there, but when I see a blank day on my calendar I smile to myself and think how nice it'll be to just be at home tonking around on my own - the peace and serenity are a joy.
DeleteThis is such a great idea! And I just realized I've been doing a variation of this for the last couple of months. I try to make sure that at least one day a week there is nothing scheduled on the calendar. I don't always stay home on that day - I might run errands or go shopping - but it's all on my time schedule and within my control. I do really like the idea of an 'at-home' day, so I'll be working that in too!! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHi Sharon - I find having a day with absolutely nothing to do is so good for my mental health - I can almost hear myself give a sigh of relief when one pops up on my calendar. It means I'm home and can stay in my comfy clothes, not worry about dressing up, driving, parking, socialising, shopping etc. I love doing all those things, but when I get a day with none of them in it, it's such a calming feeling. It gets easier when there are less work days to schedule around, and easier again when we retire.
DeleteHello Leanne, I love a day doing nothing, on my own and just being quiet. I don't have many days like this but I always feel so much brighter and more able to tackle jobs when I've had a rest day. I should make time for quiet days more often but they seem such a luxury during a busy week.
ReplyDeleteHi Elizabeth - I feel exactly the same way. If I have a couple of weeks where I've been out and about a lot, I notice that I'm missing that quietness and the rest that comes with it. It's like a little holiday for my brain when I'm in my own space doing my own thing. I think it's been such an unexpected bonus of being retired.
DeleteHi Leanne - For me, though my formal retirement on attaining the age of 60, is still a couple of years away, the weekly off day that I have now, usually ends up as a "do-nothing day". It sort of makes up for the hectic schedule of the other days.
ReplyDeleteI think that's perfect for your stage of life Pradeep - to have some time away from the busyness of a full work load - and to allow that day to unfold as it chooses to is a great balance.
ReplyDeleteHi Leanne. I like the idea of scheduling a do-nothing day. Sometimes it just happens that I have one, and I enjoy them, but I think if I actually planned a do-nothing day, I may even enjoy it more, knowing it is intentional and not asking myself if there is something I "should" be doing. I'm going to give this a try. As of now, this Sunday is my do-nothing day this week. Thanks for the inspiration!
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - I hope your planned do-nothing day turns out to be restful, fun and relaxing. Some of that intentionality of your new #WOTY might come into play and you'll discover it's something you want to include more regularly in your monthly plans.
DeleteIt's fascinating to me that my grief counselor recommended I take a day to do nothing - he called it a stay-in-bed day. A day where you stay in your pajamas and maybe even spend time in bed for a portion of it. A truly do-nothing day. A day where the only focus in on being... not doing. I'm going to try for one this week.
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - I think we all benefit from resting our hearts, minds and souls - as well as our bodies. A regular day when we're not rushing around everywhere is such a tonic - I know I always feel better for taking some time for myself - and I'm sure you'll enjoy it too.
DeleteSuch wise words. I had begun setting aside Wednesdays as my stay-at-home write, read, create days but then things have gotten in the way of my best laid plans on recent Wednesdays. PC is having some health issues with surgery the end of the month so there have been all the lab tests and doctor appointments that go along with that. Some of them on Wednesdays. Boo.
ReplyDeleteNow that it is warm, I would like to add swimming to my do-nothing days. And maybe napping. I took a nap today and really needed it.
Are you still enjoying your part-time job? Hope it continues to be a pleasure to you.
Hi Leslie - I'm sorry to hear about the surgery and testts etc - I can totally relate to that after first my hip, and now my parathyroid. I've had more blood tests and scans in the last year than I've had in the 60 years before it! I'm hoping that the end of the tunnel is in sight before too much longer - and wish the same for your lovely husband. I also know what it's like to lose a lovely at-home day because it's the only day you can get into a specialist etc.
DeleteEnjoy your warmer weather and the swimming and napping. I have some changes coming up with my working life in the next month or so - stay tuned for a blog update in a few weeks. x
You are the author of your life now. No longer answering to children or an employer. Of course you are married and that is not as much an obligation but a joyful presence in your life most days (right??)...It took me a LONG time to realise I could "choose" how to spend most days once I stopped work, grandchild care and volunteering ...and then cancer and its treatments etc took over. So...now, I literally have "no excuses" not to make my week work better for me, and it's a calendar on our fridge that shows me what's coming up, and how I can make the most of quieter weeks. It is, of course, flexible, but last weekend I needed to STOP...and I took off my apple watch, and spent a far less busy time at home. By this week I wanted to be back doing more and seeing people and I was in a better headspace to do so. I’m a bit late to commenting this week…oops. Thank you so much for joining in Wednesday’s Words and Pics. I hope you are here again soon. Denyse.
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - I have an old fashioned good-old paper calendar on the inside of my pantry door - I seem to like them better than Google calendars for some reason. I think what I love the most is to see a good mix of filled in days balanced by an occasional blank day. To know there's a day or so coming up with less commitments is an absolute joy for me.
DeleteI do like that my husband is around to share a cuppa with when I'm home - but I also like it when he disappears off to his office and I have the sense of being in my own space with nobody to fit in around. I'm planning on doing even more of that in the months ahead with my next surgery on the books and recovery etc.
A Do-Nothing Day sounds lovely. No agenda and no pressure to do anything other than just be. I love it. Great post, Leanne.
ReplyDeleteHi Shari - it's my favourite day - I just feel my whole body sigh in relief when I have a day with no commitments or expectations.
DeleteHi Leanne, Thank you for your weekend coffee share. It feels good to find the right balance, doesn't it? I love my 'no commitment no appointment' days. I'm selective with what I allow to go on my calendar.
ReplyDeleteI like your 'no commitment and no appointment' definition Natalie - it sums it up perfectly - to not be basing your day around other stuff is such a treat and definitely brings back a sense of balance to the week.
DeleteI like to have a pajama day where I can stay in my flannel pajamas all day. I like your idea of a regular "do nothing day". Karen #Weekendcoffeeshare
ReplyDeletePajama days are so much fun Karen - I usually save those for when my husband is away and I can be a complete slob for the day. I love being in my slippers and soft pants - it's such a relaxing way to spend the day.
DeleteHi Leanne, I agree with all you say about a do nothing day. I have one every Sunday, though it's more of a do what I want day. Mostly I spend a couple of hours exercising, a bit of gardening, and catch up on reading.
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly what a do nothing day is all about Jennifer - doing exactly what you feel like and when you feel like it - just stuff that brings joy and rest. With your busy full time job and the travel involved, a Sunday day of rest is the perfect balance.
DeleteI absolutely love do-nothing days--especially when I feel good and still get to do nothing (lately my do-nothing days have been collapse-in-exhaustion days). I read, walk, garden, sometimes do housework or a chore I've been wanting to get to forever, maybe cook something special... just putter basically. And it's wonderful.
ReplyDeletePuttering is one of my favourite pastimes Janet - I've decided that I'm very good at doing very little. I like seeing what I feel like on the day - no plans, no to-do lists, just whatever feels right for that particular day. It's such a joy for me and so rejuvinating too.
DeleteAs I get older and have more responsibility at work I crave do nothing days, and I purposely leave most of my weekends open. It's not like I don't do anything, but I get to decide what to do and when. I like to not have a schedule or plans for the weekend, I like it very much, probably since my week schedule is rather strict (being a single mom and working full-time.) Great post!
ReplyDeleteHi Maria - once the kids have grown and moved out, life becomes free-er and those do-nothing days become a lot easier to instigate. Having some time for yourself on the weekend is a great start. I remember when my weekend was all about taking the kids to youth group, sport, and other activities - it's nice not having to add that to my calendar these days.
DeleteI think they used to be called Sundays (if you were Christian) or read the appropriate day that was for rest in most religions.
ReplyDeleteHi Elaine - yes, Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest, but I find that after getting up, getting ready for church, going to church, getting home from church etc.....well half of Sunday is already gone. So, for me it's been lovely to find a week day where I don't need to leave the house - I can just be at home in my own space and doing as much or as little as I like - it's such a treat.
DeleteThis is so good Leanne. IT's one of the reasons I began taking an extra day off a week. I felt like I needed a day for me...a day when no one was really home much, I could have the house to myself, or go do whatever I wanted. I could make appointments, or not. No agenda. It is hard still for me to be okay with not doing anything "productive". To not feel like I have to have something to say I did if my hubby asks when he comes home. I may have to help him rephrase that, because he means well, but it does put pressure to have "accomplished something"
ReplyDeleteHi Kirstin, I think a lot of us have based our worth on our productivity. Being busy and doing lots always seemed to be the way to go. To let go of that and to allow ourselves the peace and serenity of a day during the week that isn't chock full of commitments is an absolute joy. I'm glad you're finding that out too - and yes, your husband means well, but I'm sure he could word his question a little better - maybe "did you enjoy your day?" instead.
DeleteLeanne,
ReplyDeleteI love this post...Even though I do spend the majority of my time at home ( just because I prefer to), I do need to take a Do nothing day every now and again....I am an avid list maker and have a weekly list and then make a daily list from that one...I tried not doing so when I first retired and I found that I need to do that to stay focused and keep myself on track or everyday turned into a Do Nothing Day...I have taken advantage of a do nothing day, or what I call a Carpe Diem ( seize the day) Day but I think I can count those days on my 2 hands after 5 years of retirement...Going through my days at the speed of light is very hard to stop, even 5 years after retirement...Great advice and definitely something that I need to plan on doing...
I hope you are having a great weekend!!
Hugs,
Deb
Debbie-Dabble Blog
Hi Debbie - I found that I spaced out my activities so that I had something happening most days - then I realized that I just wanted to be home and not have to go out at least once a week. Sometimes it'll be a couple of times a week that I don't need to get in the car or on my scooter - and I love just puddling around doing whatever I feel like. No housework, no chores, no obligations - just lovely leisure. It's one of the many joys that retirement has brought my way - I just LOVE this stage of life :)
Delete