SELF-WORTH AND PRODUCTIVITY
A little while ago I read a really thought provoking article by Bernie Sewell on Tiny Buddah. It was about how she finally clicked to the fact that her life mattered - even without a big purpose or direction. I think it resonated so deeply with me because it's how living the retired life can feel at times.We leave behind a career, most of our parenting, our busy life where we ran from one commitment to another - and we can be left with questions like "who am I?" and "where do I go from here?" It's all a little unsettling until we come to the realization that our worth is intrinsic, and needs to be separated from what we do.
BERNIE'S SEARCH FOR PURPOSE
Bernie writes (slightly paraphrased by me):The truth was that I desperately sought purpose in my life because, somehow, I believed that I had to justify my existence; I sought purpose as a means to deserve happiness, while I abandoned the things that actually made me happy because they lacked purpose.
Eventually I understood that we cannot have worth, it’s not something we earn, gain, or lose. Worth is the essence of our being. An absolute, inherent, unchangeable part of who we are. Success, accomplishment, and focused direction won’t increase our worth. And failure cannot diminish it.
I now believe the purpose of life is to grow, thrive, and experience life to the full. To worry less about our achievements, productivity, and the meaning of our life and to prioritize the things we enjoy. Even if they serve no purpose at all.
The only way to make your life matter is to know your true worth, to be kind and compassionate, to take care of your loved ones, and yourself. Help and support others. Not because you have to earn worth, but because you want to improve their lives.
Do what you love as often as you can. Walk in the sun, sit on the beach, lie in the grass. Just because it feels good. Do it without feeling guilty or beating yourself up for the lack of purpose.
MY OWN SEARCH FOR PURPOSE
I think I could relate to a lot of what Bernie said because I always believed that we had to have some over-arching big purpose to life, whether it was a career, or a calling, or something that others could see as our reason for being on this earth. I tied who I was with what I was doing, and I often felt like it wasn't enough, and by default, that I wasn't enough either. Where was my big mission? Where was I making a difference? What was I here for?
It took me until my 50's to let some of that go, to accept that I could live my small life well, and I could focus on my corner of the world and the people in it. I could let life happen and be happy without having to prove anything to anybody. It was a revelation after all those years of trying so hard.
RETIREMENT AND THAT SEARCH FOR PURPOSE
My unexpected early retirement threw a bit of a spanner in the works when it came to my newly won self-belief. I was still caught up in the idea of having a label or two (or three...) that justified my existence, that proved I had worth. Once I no longer had a steady job, or volunteered, or contributed to the world around me every time someone asked me, I felt a little lost. When people asked what I did, there was than insidious need to prove myself to them in some way - to show that I still had worth.
I'd read about all these retirees out conquering the world and living large, and here I was just doodling around with very little direction and absolutely no desire to do anything "big". It took me a few years - through covid and all its ups and downs, through returning to work for a year or so, and through doing a lot of soul searching to realize that I'm enough as I am, that I didn't want to have to live large in real life or on social media.
WHAT I FINALLY REALIZED
It finally dawned on me that at the end of the day having a purpose can add to my happiness, but it’s not a prerequisite for it. I don’t need a mission, a purpose, or a direction for my life to be worth living. I don’t have to justify my existence or prove my worth. Not to my family, not to my friends, and not to the world around me ....not even to myself.
And as long as I enjoy walking this path through the final third of my life, no matter how aimlessly, my life has more than enough meaning.
This is from a Sue, a blogging friend of mine, and it resonated with me:
There was a time I would’ve asked, to what end?
But now I know:
It doesn’t have to lead somewhere.
It’s already giving me what I wanted -
a calm, steady life that feels like mine.
And that?
That is enough.
Sue - Into Alignment
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Are you on a journey to find your purpose and a mission in life? Did retiring affect your self-worth at all, or did it just add another dimension to an already full life? Do you have a concrete purpose or mission in life, or are you happily meandering along?
RELATED POSTS
BEFORE YOU GO:
If you'd like to know when I write a new post, please click HERE for email updates.
If you'd like to comment but not here on the blog, feel free to email me at
leanne.crestingthehill@gmail.com - I'd love to hear from you.
And please share this post by clicking on a share button before you go.
No comments
Thanks so much for your comment - it's where the connection begins.