THE COURAGE TO MOVE FORWARD
A year or so ago I was neck deep in a situation that was making me question my beliefs, my commitment, and my ability to ride the waves that life can throw my way. I remember writing about it and wondering if my expectations were too high, or if I'd lost hope somewhere along the line. I was sitting in a pool of disappointment that wouldn't resolve itself.
Admitting that it wasn't working for me was quite daunting at the time - nobody (especially me) likes to admit they've failed in some way, but sometimes you just need to step away to breathe freely again.
QUESTIONING MY HEART
Walking away from a difficult situation left me questioning myself - Was it me? Am I on the wrong path? Am I quitting when I should be digging in? Why am I struggling when others aren't? I'm very good at the second-guessing game, and not giving my intuition credit for interpreting a situation and responding appropriately. Part of me wondered if I was letting the team down or if things would change if I waited it out.
Nothing is guaranteed in life, so it’s normal to doubt your choices. But if you’re honoring your values and being true to yourself, you’re making the best decisions you can. Whatever happens, you’ll never regret prioritizing the people and things that matter to you.
Tiny Buddah
Listening to what my heart was telling me, trusting my gut, leaning into my intuition - all these things seem a little "woo-woo" to the innately practical part of myself....but maybe 60+ years of living life and seeing how things play out should steer me towards going with what my inner self is telling me. I've come to see that thinking things through, but also knowing when to have the courage of my convictions and acting on them - that's where the balance comes into play. Creating some distance from drama can be a lifesaver for my mental and emotional health.
WHY AM I RE-VISITING THIS?
The reason why this is playing around in my head lately is that things escalated in the situation I walked away from, the issues that were triggering me in some way got bigger and messier, and the fallout from addressing those difficult areas has resulted in more upset and drama. My heart hurts as I listen to the damage that's come about, but there's also a deeper feeling of peace and inner equanimity because I'm not a part of it, and I'm out of the loop.
There is such a quiet sense of relief to know that listening to my inner voice has been the right direction to take. My only regret is not listening to it sooner - both in this situation and in my toxic work environment. The rescuer in me wanted to fix things, without realizing the toll it can take when when I was trying to fix the unfixable. If I'm the only person who sees the issue, then maybe I'm in the wrong environment and I need to make the change and leave things to play out in their own time.
BREAKING OUT THE POPCORN
When I was telling my daughter (a very sensible young woman) about what has been happening and how I was so glad that I've been on the outskirts of it all rather than embroiled in the middle of the implosion, her comment was "It's definitely a blessing to be out of there. Make yourself some popcorn and watch the drama unfold from the sidelines" - it sounds a little insensitive, but it reminded me to stay out of drama that's not mine to carry. Picking it back up again serves no useful purpose and only brings unnecessary pain.
Be grateful that certain things didn’t work out. Sometimes you don’t even know what you’re being protected from or where you’re being guided to in the midst of chaos. That’s why you just have to trust that greater things are aligning for you. Let go gracefully.
Idil Ahmed
I feel a sense of relief that I'm not there anymore, a sense of validation that my gut wasn't wrong, and an overlying sense of sadness for the mess and drama that inaction over someone's incompetence has created. Sometimes we need to confront people gently about their behaviour, and if we're not willing to do that, then eventually that behaviour will play itself out and the consequences will come home to roost. It's nice to be out of the action and quietly observing from the sidelines - hoping for a positive resolution, but not feeling the responsibility of trying to make it happen.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Have you found that your intuition has been right in a situation? How do we sit on the sidelines of a drama and not feel the need to jump in and save the people involved? There's a lot to be said for a peaceful, calm, and drama-free life....
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