WHO DO WE WANT TO BE AS WE AGE?
I remember reading an article from John Mark Comer that discussed the idea that who we become in our old age is being determined by what we've focused our lives on in the lead-up. He says...
What you give your attention to is the person you become. Put another way: the mind is the portal to the soul, and what you fill your mind with will shape the trajectory of your character. In the end, your life is no more than the sum of what you gave your attention to.
MY MUM THE ROLE MODEL
My mum is in her mid-80's and always makes me smile. I can see her struggling with some of the physical limitations that are creeping in - she doesn't walk as easily as she used to, and her agility is certainly not what it once was. But....she rarely focuses on that, instead she's on her mobility scooter, or using a walking stick and she's out and about sharing her wit with whoever happens to be in her near vicinity.
She's a regular at the Senior Citizens' Monday coffee and chat group, she's a Red Hatter, and she's always up for a coffee and a chat - or better yet, something to eat and a chat! She reminds me that getting old isn't a choice, but we do get to choose our attitude, and being positive and upbeat just naturally draws others to you and keeps you young at heart.
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| Mum and me out for Mothers Day lunch |
ALWAYS BE READY WITH A SMILE
Each morning I walk around our neighbourhood - it's my time to be out in the fresh air, I leave my phone at home and I give myself the time and space to be present and to appreciate where I live and to interact whenever the opportunity arises. I see school kids, many with their heads down looking at their phones, and/or with earbuds in - they're disengaged and oblivious, but there are still some who are happy to make eye contact and return a smile.
Then there are the dog walkers, and how lovely it is to be greeted effusively by someone else's fur child. I get to have a pat and a brief chat, to share news and to be neighbourly. There's the cars that drive by that I smile at, the joggers, and my fellow walkers - and I smile at them all. I want to be known as the happy, smiley lady who walks each day. I love it when someone sees me at the supermarket and recognizes me because I walk by their house.
POSITIVITY AND BEING A CHEERLEADER
When it comes to family I never want to be the one who criticizes or who offers unwanted advice. Our children are grown and have families of their own - they don't need a judgemental critic, they need someone they can share their wins and losses with, and know that there'll be support and celebration. I want to be my kids' cheerleader - the happy person who they know will always be proud of how well they're doing with their lives.
I see so many older people who have become sour and whose adult children avoid them, or those who are always trying to win their adult children's love. We shouldn't have to earn the love that comes our way, it should be a natural part of the dynamic of our family because we've invested our time and love in them over all the years before, so it's just a part of what life looks like now we're older. To be able to share our children's lives without being embroiled in them is such a joy.
SHINE BRIGHT
So, who do I want to be as I grow older? I want to be someone who shines a light - who's bright and positive and happy in themselves. I want to share my life with other like-minded souls, and to keep growing in my understanding of what life is all about. I don't ever want to reach the point where I think I know it all - or where I think I have the answer to everyone else's problems - that just leads to frustration and disappointment. Instead, I want to be a learner, a sharer, to grow in gratitude, being kinder, being more generous, being more discerning, and most of all, to be more loving - because love is the root of it all isn't it?
I read a quote that said:
Some people are like human medicine,you spend an hour with them and everything feels better.
I want to be human medicine - to leave others feeling better from having spent time with me - not feeling judged, or annoyed, or disregarded - just feeling loved and seen.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Who do you want to be as you approach old age? Do you see yourself as a happy old person, or do you want to lean into being a grumpy old man or woman who is freely speaking their mind whether others want to hear it or not? I hope you'll choose the former, and getting there starts right now.
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There's an older couple who walk every morning at the same time as we do. They say hello, but if we stop to talk, there are always complaints. Whines. It made me wonder what came first: the disappointment or the whines and if one follows or precedes the other.
ReplyDeleteI think the two feed off each other - the more you whine, the more you find to whine about. That quote "If you choose not to find joy in the snow, you will have less joy in your life but the same amount of snow." fits a lot of older people - I REALLY don't want to be one of them!
DeleteOh my gosh. Your mum looks and sounds fabulous! I went back and read through the article and the loads of comments after it that your mum had written in her 70’s . What a woman and what a wonderful attitude. So encouraging. Thank you so much for sharing from both of you.
ReplyDeleteShe's a dynamo indeed - and sets the bar high for aging with vim and vigour! It's such a blessing to have a mum who models joy as she goes through the aging process. We can all be her if we choose to focus on what we have, rather than what's missing. x
DeleteI stay positive and smile at all I see wherever I am. And saying hello may just make someone's day more special! But Leeanne, please bring your cellphone with you! You never know what could happen to anyone you meet or even yourself and you will need to make a call for help to come to your aid. Many times, I have wished my aunt had a cellphone back in the day when she fell on her morning walk and broke her hip. Luckily, a kind stranger who was driving by, stopped his car and got out to render aid. So please, bring it but keep it in your pocket just for emergencies!
ReplyDeleteHi Allison - I'll keep that in mind - my DIL often tells me I should have it with me, but I figure I'm in suburbia and surrounded by people who know me or would stop regardless, but I will have to look into having it my pocket when I go out. I tell my mum she needs to always have hers on hand, so I should probably take my own advice! :)
DeleteI really loved the quote "Some people are like human medicine, you spend an hour with them and everything feels better." I am not one of those people, but I know a few. I also appreciated the statement that being positive and upbeat is a choice. I need to be choosing that more these days. Hard, but my choice, right? Right!
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - the choice is always so much harder when life is really hard. I think we're allowed to have dark times and down times, but it's also good to remind ourselves of the good stuff and to try to find some balance. I know I was very down and flat for those difficult work years, and I never want to be that person again - and you're right....the choice is ours as to how we respond to what life throws at us. x
DeleteHi Leanne, Overseas past 2 months, mostly offline and now enjoy catching up with your always inspirational posts. An important reminder and gem - ‘where we give our attention’ - I watched a moving, poignant show last night - usually a comedy - yet the entire program was at the memorial of a loved one (multi-layered family drama laced with comedy) How they felt the deceased had a ‘small’ and ‘unhappy’ life - yet, ultimately finding out he chose to find small and larger moments of happiness throughout his life. Sitting here with goosebumps how the episode parallels one of your themes.
ReplyDeleteYour Mum and you are excellent examples of ‘choosing our attitude.’ Beautiful photo of the two of you. And yes, ‘human medicine’ … I look forward to visiting with a friend today who is exactly this. Another great article, Leanne! xx Erica
Hi Erica - welcome home and I hope the holiday was relaxing and fun. I'm not sure when we'll head overseas again - it all just feels too far away and nothing is inspiring us to make the effort to go.....maybe in a year or two?
DeleteThank you for your (as always) very kind words and I love it when things dovetail together - I always think it's the universe tapping us on the shoulder. You would be one of the first people I think of when it comes to human medicine, your warmth and kindness always shine through. xx
What a refreshing read Leanne! You help me remember “The good” as I’m having a bit of triggering time around trauma this week. My husband is my good dose of sunshine most days and for that I am grateful. I take my phone on my walk for two reasons..,safety is one and I always have a photo opp or three! It’s part of my joy and awe walking! Your mum is a very good role model for sure! Lovely post, Denyse xx
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - I think it's so important to remind ourselves of the sunshine in our lives - to make the choice to find that silver lining and to take some of the clouds in without letting them define our outlook. Life will never be perfect, but there's always something to smile at or smile about - or take a photo of - to bring a little cheer. I figure the more we fill our tank with the good stuff, the more good stuff we have to share with others. x
DeleteI love the idea of being human medicine, Leanne. I too strive to be that kind of person now and into the future. My nail tech (who is the age of my oldest grandchild) once told me she thought people were drawn to me because I naturally felt like a safe space...someone a person could share their successes with and be celebrated, and even more important, share their fears and failings with and still be accepted. That seemed like the best compliment she could have given me and made me want to continue to practice being that person.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - what a fabulous compliment from a young person - and how lovely of her to tell you, and for you to be living out such a wonderful example to others. It just shows how important it is to be kind and considerate, and to allow those qualities to define us over time - so much better than what a lot of the world is aiming for these days.
DeleteHi Leanne, you and your Mum are certainly upbeat and positive! I like to be upbeat and always ready to have a laugh, which is usually met with the same. I do know one or two grumpy older people, but I wonder if they’ve always been that way and as they’ve aged it’s probably worse with the aging process itself. I’ve found if I’m grumpy I get nowhere, but if I try to find the up side of a situation where possible. Life is much more rewarding that way! Chrissie x
ReplyDeleteHi Chrissie - I think grumpy people are created over a lifetime of seeing the cloud and missing the silver lining. The ones I know are always the first to moan about something they see as unfair or less than ideal - they just seem to suck the joy and light right out of the room. Happiness is a choice - and it comes from gratitude and knowing that enough is more than enough - choosing to find the joy and the glimmers that are always there if we look for them. I think you sound like a very good example of someone who will be bringing the joy as they age. x
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