WHAT DO YOU TELL YOURSELF IN TOUGH TIMES?
As anyone who reads my blog knows, I have
hip dysplasia
that's been a minor irritant in my life for the last 25 years or so. Then
around this time last year it started to flare up and all of a sudden I
found myself at the orthopedic surgeon's office being told that I'm going to
need a total left hip replacement if I want to be able to walk without pain
and a limp.
Since that appointment a few months ago, things have slowly progressed in a
downward spiral and I now find myself unable to walk even a few steps
without pain. It's
a constant presence
in my life - but you know what? Rabbiting on about it non-stop just makes it
worse, dwelling on it makes it worse.....so while I wait for my operation day to arrive I've developed a litany of responses
that help me accept what is, wait patiently, and focus on the stuff I have some control over. I
thought I'd share a few of them today....
IT IS WHAT IT IS
No matter how much we'd like life to be a walk in the park every day, there
will be times when we have to deal with less pleasant stuff. We can bitch
about it, fight it, resent it, deny it....or we can accept it and work
around it if it can't be fixed immediately (or at all). By admitting that "it is what it is" we can acknowledge the situation and look for ways
to deal with it effectively - or we can alternatively choose to ignore it
and focus our energy into areas we have some control over. It's a lot less
exhausting when we stop fighting what can't be changed and start responding
to what we have some influence over.
IT'S FINE, I'M FINE, EVERYTHING'S FINE
I bought a great tee shirt that is the answer I want to give when people
look at me limping along like an old woman and ask "how are you?" I
appreciate their concern, because they can see I'm not doing great - but,
that being said......I'm still fine. This hiccup in my life doesn't define
me, and it doesn't dictate how I'm going to spend my days (although it does
slow me down a fair bit at the moment). I really am "fine" in the grand
scheme of things - and I'll be even "finer" once I get over this
hurdle.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS
Nothing lasts forever - good or bad. Life is fluid, things change, we
grow, we move on. When we're in the middle of something (especially
something we don't like) it feels like it's going to be our new normal
and we'll be stuck there for eternity. Remembering that everything will
eventually pass - and one day you'll be able to look back and see how
well you've done - makes such a difference. Don't get bogged down in the
tough stuff - it really will pass and be a memory one day.
BE OKAY EITHER WAY
I have my operation scheduled and I'm counting down the days......but in
these uncertain covid times there's no guarantee that the surgeon won't get
sick, or the assistant won't get sick, or I won't get sick, or the hospital
will have enough staff, or that things won't get cancelled. So, I'm holding
a bright shiny hope in one hand, and balancing it on the other hand with the
knowledge that nothing is certain and that I'll be okay if there's a delay. Sooner or later it will happen, and I just have to be okay either way - because ultimately I know that one day I'll wake
up with a new bionic hip and a big smile.
KEEPING PERSPECTIVE
I find it difficult when I'm with people who are always talking about their
aches, pains, failures, resentments, or disappointments. I don't want to be
"that person" and I hesitated to write this post because I don't want my
blog to be all about my dodgy hip and its impact on my life. But, I do want
to share that you can find positivity and grace even in the toughest challenges - and I think having a few little phrases on
hand helps to remind us that life isn't all doom and gloom - that we
will get through whatever tough time we're facing, and that there is
light at the end of the tunnel (and it's not a train!)
So....I hope you found a nugget of hope or something positive today - and will
stick with me in the months ahead. I promise there'll be plenty of other topics that aren't hip related
in the slightest, and I won't become one of "those people" who get stuck on
one issue and can't move forward. Onward and upward!
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If this post of yours doesn’t give hope to others in similar situations, I don’t know what would. Another good one. My back feels better already! LOL!! xxx
ReplyDeleteHi Mum - I hope it's a reminder to us all that there's a lot we can't control, but we can choose our attitude and choose how much we let something eat away at our peace of mind. I'm choosing to go with the flow and be okay either way. x
DeleteHi, Leanne - I absolutely love your t-shirt. It is so true that this hiccup in your life does not define you, nor does it dictate how you spend your days. That's a very inspirational statement for all of us! Sending prayers that your surgery does happen as currently scheduled.
ReplyDeleteThanks Donna - I don't think I'll truly believe it until I wake up in recovery, but I'm praying hard and getting on with life in the meantime - I can't ask for more than that (and thank you for adding your prayers to the mix) x
DeleteI love your t-shirt like many others, and I also love your other attitudes about how to manage bad things in life. The pandemic forced me to handle bad, uncertain events better because I just HAD TO in order to keep a decent mental health. I had to have patience and wait it out. My main mantra (or whatever I should call it) is that "I'll get through this, I always do". "This too shall pass" along with the thought that everything is temporary, are other things I find helpful.
ReplyDeleteRegarding your hip problem - don't worry about "being that person". You will never be. You're such a positive, joy-spreading, inspiring person generally from how I see you on your blog, and it's totally ok to not be ok when you have a dodgy hip. I hope your surgery will happen asap!
Hi Susanne - thank you so much for your kind words - and I'm glad I'm not coming across as a "poor me" person (and hopefully not IRL either!) I really believe that choosing my attitude helps with all of this and - like you said - it helps in other stressful times as well. When we were in the middle of the pandemic I think we all wondered if it would last forever, and now we're living a new normal and adapting as we go. Acceptance and finding joy in the difficulties life gives us is what makes us stronger and I think better in the end. :)
DeleteHi Leanne - What I keep telling myself in such situations is "This too shall pass" or "It'll be okay". From your post, I have learnt that there are a few other similar positive thoughts that help us tide over difficult situations in our lives.
ReplyDeleteWish you the best, and my prayers for your good health.
Take care,
Pradeep
This too shall pass has been a favourite saying of mine for a long time Pradeep. Nothing stays the same, and reminding ourselves that down the track we'll be in a better place and this will be a memory helps me get through a lot of tough situations.
DeleteI needed to hear this today. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure Linda - and I hope you're doing okay. Sometimes it feels like life is overwhelming us with things that we don't want or don't know how to cope with, but I'm finding that as I get older I have the inner strength to weather a lot of storms - and I'm sure you have that to draw on too. Wishing you all the best x
DeleteA woman I know has "it is what it is" tattooed on her arm. She's been disabled her whole life (born with physical abnormality) and has dealt with 2 life-threatening diseases. She is always smiling and one of the most upbeat people I've met. I've started to use that phrase when things don't pan out as planned, and it definitely helps me settle myself. It's becoming one of my fave phrases!
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - when I read your post about the hurricane and all you went through, I thought that this post tied in really well with what you'd written. Acceptance, positive action where possible, and not letting it all overwhelm us - your thoughts on not alllowing worry to get the upper hand were also really helpful in my situation.
DeleteI had to have right hip surgery in 2013 and I was in the same position as you. I could hardly walk it hurt so bad and sitting in a desk chair at work was awful. After I had it done I never was so happy. I was up and walking the next day and doing some exercises. That is the most important part is doing what the Dr. says and exercising. Good luck and keep us informed.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the reassurance. I think I've reached the point (like with childbirth) where the operation is nothing compared to continuing on. I'm soooo tired of being sore all the time and I'll be doing everything in my power to have a great result once that new bionic hip is in place.
DeleteI too tend to use these phrases a lot.. especially "it is what it is" and "this too shall pass." I sure hope everything works out with your surgery date!
ReplyDeleteThanks Joanne - I've done everything in my power to make sure all's in place from my end - now it's in the hands of God and I just need to wait and hope. I'll get there I'm sure and I can't wait until 'this too has actually passed"!
DeleteIt's also very important not to fall into 'toxic positivity" where only positive feelings are judge acceptable. It's important to accept all feelings and it's ok to feel bad and it's our right. I stay away from people who doesn't allow me to express all my feelings. Good friends are there for you no matter how you feel therefore no need to wear a mask to please others. I am the type a person who is there for others if they're feeling terrible and those people feel accepted and not judged and I expect the same from others.I love the book The Right To Feel Bad. We recover better when we feel accepted in good and bad days. I am comfortable with people who live authentically. All feelings are valid.
ReplyDeleteI agree Yvonne - although I do get tired of people who have nothing else to talk about than how awful their life is. I think there's good and bad in everything we encounter in life, but if we choose our attitude it helps us during the tougher times. I refuse to let this situation I'm in defeat me, or become my whole life. I accept it's a big part of it atm, but there are also plenty of moments of happiness and times when I can sit quietly and be pain free. I'm looking forward to sleeping properly again one day - that will be amazing!
DeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts and mantras Leanne. It can be hard to accept 'what it is' especially when daily pain is involved and you seem to have the right attitude although I imagine there are days when it gets you down. I sincerely hope all goes ahead as planned and you wake up in recovery with a new hip and are pain free soon after. Good on you for taking such a proactive approach and being an inspiration!
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - thanks for your encouraging words. I'm hoping and praying that I'll be in hospital with a new hip this time next week. It's not what I ever thought I'd be saying - even a year ago - but it is what it is, and I'm so grateful for modern medicine and the chance to be walking normally again and to get outside and back into the neighbourhood. Being stuck inside so much means I miss out on the social aspects of life too - and I miss knowing the neighbourhood news!
DeleteHi Leanne, I really feel for you with the pain you're living with. As you'd know, I've been walking around now for 3 months with a broken foot. I also have hip/leg/foot issues on my left side. I don't dwell though. I just get on with things as best I can. Life is too short to wallow isn't it? I hope your surgery date stays put and that all goes well and you recover quickly with a whole new hip and can get back to what you used to do again. xo
ReplyDeleteHi Min - I think you need to have been in a similar position to understand what it's like to have pain every.single.day for most of the day and night. There are lovely times when I'm sitting still and don't hurt, but there's so much time where it's eating away inside me. I hope both of us will be skipping along life's pathways again before much longer. x
ReplyDeleteI know what it's like to be in excruciating pain for most of the day and night and not getting any sleep. Besides the pain I have had chronic insomnia since I was a young child therefore I do not know what it's like to wake up refreshed and I can't even take a nap. At times, I can't hardly eat because of the pain. My pain specialist told me last week that there's nothing that can be done except managing the pain with opioids which I am refusing to do.I don't know if you have access to better treatment where you live but not here in Canada. I have severe osteoarthritis in both hips, in the sacroiliac and in the back, also 2 bulging disks and scoliosis of the spine.I m sharing all this not to compare but at least there's a solution to your hip problem and I am wishing you the best.
DeleteYvonne it must be an absolute nightmare for you and I really do hope that you find some relief. I've mentioned in previous posts how grateful I am that mine is a short term problem and not something I need to live with for the rest of my life (there is absolutely no comparison between the two). But, when you're in the middle of chronic pain it seems endless and all you can really do is make it as bearable as possible - and hopefully find some small joys in amongst the pain. Sending you much love. <3
DeleteHi Leanne, attitude is everything, which tells me that you will come through this with flying colors! Wishing you the very best outcome.
ReplyDeleteHi Suzanne - the only thing I seem to have any control over with this is my attitude. Things are coming at me from all directions atm, so I'm choosing to buck up and ride it out - what will be will be....
DeleteI've never found your blog to be whiny, Leanne. Quite the opposite, it is a realistic look at life's ups and downs and always offers a positive spin, without being all "rose-colored glasses." When life gives us something that is unpleasant, asking "why me" or carrying on about how unfair it is only makes things worse. The Buddhist parable of suffering's second arrow rings true for me. The thing that happens to you is the first arrow, and the more painful second arrow is the story you tell yourself about what happened to you. I guess that's a long way of saying "It is what it is."
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - I hadn't heard of the second arrow - but it's very true. I'm riding a bit of a rollercoaster with this operation and stuff happening that I can't control. It may end up not happening at all, and I have no control over any of it - other than to choose to lift my chin and look at the good stuff I still have - better would be great, but good is still more than okay...
DeleteI made a choice a while ago that blogging is about sharing and connecting. I think owning up to what happens with life's challenges as we age...is BETTER out than in. So, see your blog as being educative too. I do. I know if's been helpful for me to write about head and neck cancer but also to admit to the things that can happen to women as we age. I am thinking of you as anticipation (too much of it) can worsen the waiting. I had this little mantra and that was that I always hoped for the good health of both my surgeon and anaesthetist in the days leading up to surgery. It worked.... So good to see your post in the Wednesday’s Words and Pics link up for this week. How can it be early October??
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing and being part of the #WWandPics Community.
Hope to see you next week too.
Denyse.
Hi Denyse - there's talk of a nurses' strike on the day of my op next week - very bad timing on their behalf. It hasn't been cancelled yet, but that doesn't mean that it won't hit the wall on the last day. I can't do anything about any of that, other than praying and hoping and being prepared for whichever outcome it ends up being. I know which I'd prefer - but I'm also stable enough to stand strong if it doesn't go ahead (I just won't be walking much!)
DeleteHi Leanne, this post really resonated with me and reminded me of the acceptance that I had to learn when I had my broken arms. I really loved what you wrote under Keeping Perspective and agree with all you say. Will be thinking of you when you have you surgery. Sending you all my best wishes for a quick and complete recovery xx
ReplyDeleteHi Jen - thanks for your good wishes. I think any major accident, illness, or disability has the potential to grind us down. If we can dig up a degree of acceptance and the ability to find the silver linings in the clouds, then it helps us ride the time out. I'm not sure what's going to happen with my op date atm - so I'm just doing my best to be at peace about it all and not slide into pointless worrying.
DeleteLeanne, thank you so much for responding to my last comment where I describe the pain that I am going through. Your words of encouragement and sympathy meant the world to me. It feels so good to be heard and understood. I am very grateful to you and your blog. I am thinking of you and praying that everything goes well. I can certainly understand how you're feeling about the uncertainty of it all. I went through that when I had surgery for cancer. Wishing you peace and resolution during this difficult time. xox
ReplyDeleteHi Yvonne - I didn't want you to feel in any way that my small battle came even close to what so many others (like yourself) deal with indefinitely. The 'not knowing' is so hard too - I just wish there was a magic pill that took away pain with no side effects - I guess that's almost like wishing for the fountain of youth! We'll keep encouraging each other and doing our best to choose our attitudes every day - that's about the best we can do isn't it? :)
DeleteLove the T-shirt Leanne And love the practical but inspiring words. "It is what it is" and nothing gets "stuck for eternity" I believe that the universe does not allow the latter nor does it demonstrate that. Sending you warm healing wishes for the surgery.
ReplyDeleteThanks Judith - I console myself with the thought that even if it crashes this time and things don't go ahead, there will be another opportunity and waiting won't kill me. It would just be nice to wake up with a new hip and to be able to get on with getting my life back on track - testing times build character.....
DeleteHip pain is miserable. I have been living with it for a few years now. I have had to make a number of adjustments as a result. I agree with you that staying positive is definitely helpful.
ReplyDeleteI get the opportunity here to say "I feel your pain" and yes it is miserable. But I also remind myself that it's not life threatening - and if things don't go according to plan, then another plan will happen and eventually things will get there. I hope you find some relief too so that life stays good. x
DeleteI love the shirt! It's how I feel every day at work.. Sending you all the good juju! My hip replacement will be my second, I'll have a matching set! I can't wait to be active again. BEST of luck to you!
ReplyDeleteHi Kathleen - thanks so much for the positive vibes (especially from someone who's "been there and done that" and yes, I may end up with a matching set one day too. I'd just like to get my first sorted and get that active life back again - in the meantime I go with the flow....
DeleteHi Leanne, Thank you for your weekend coffee share. Staying positive and keeping things in perspective are certainly helpful when we deal with life and health challenges. Wishing you the best with your surgery and recovery.
ReplyDeleteHi Natalie - I definitely think that choosing your attitude and choosing to look on the bright side makes dealing with a chronic issue that's out of your control, just a little more bearable. Things are a little up in the air atm with my op, so I choose acceptance and faith over moping....
DeleteHi Leanne. I loved all your mantras. "It is what it is" has been my friend through many tough times. I also like "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." I hope your surgery goes well and that soon you too will be dancing. :)
ReplyDeleteHi - I'm now 48 hrs post-surgery and not quite ready to dance yet.....but SO grateful to my surgeon and the nurses and for what they can do for us. I'm over the hump and on my way to recoverying and getting my dancing shoes back on. :)
Delete