ANTICIPATION VS REALITY

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ANTICIPATION

Anticipation is often better than the gift itself

is a saying in our household (maybe because we never have a lot of money so our gifts are never overwhelming). It seems to be a constant in my life that I get more pleasure out of anticipating a gift or an event than I do out of the actual event itself.

250,000!!! - THAT'S A QUARTER OF A MILLION!

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MY HAPPY DANCE

I'm doing a happy dance at the moment because I have 250,000! No, that's not how much I won on Saturday Night Lotto or last week's Power Ball - That will never happen because I don't even buy those kind of tickets anymore - because I never win! 

MY 5 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

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ON OUR FIVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS MY EMPTY NEST WILL GIVE TO ME:


LIFE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT

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REALITY

I read an interesting blog post by Kathy Gottberg the other day that was titled "the truth behind 'you create your own reality'" and it made me stop and think about my First World perceptions of life. In her final paragraph she says:

What if creating our reality is less about making ourselves feel safe, protected and in control and more about trusting that we can be happy and at peace with the uncertainty of life no matter what occurs? Maybe it’s less to do with making sure everything works perfectly in our favor, to instead seeing everything as it unfolds as already perfect.

RE-DEFINING CHRISTMAS IN MIDLIFE

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CHRISTMAS IN THE EARLY DAYS

Christmas has always been one of those occasions that I looked forward to for weeks/months beforehand and planned, organized, and micro-managed. I used to have visions of sugarplums dancing in my head, the Christmas Carols pumping, the tree colour co-ordinated and the day ruthlessly scheduled. I think there was a little bit of 1950's housewife that poked her nose out whenever Christmas got mentioned.

5 BLOG COMMENT REQUESTS

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MY LOVE FOR COMMENTS

I absolutely love getting comments on my blog. When I first started blogging I turned the comments off but I was missing out on so much. Once I took the plunge and opened up to the two way conversation I found I loved the connections with other people. I love the engagement, I love the affirmation, I love that people take the time to "talk" to me and share their response. But there are things I don't like about blog comments too - the snarky comment, the holier than thou comment, the token gesture comment, and the Wham, Bam, thank you Maam comment.

WHY ALL THE HATE?

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SWEEPING STATEMENTS

A while ago a friend of mine sent me a link to the "Your Tattoos make you a Horrible Mother" facebook page. Really??? I mean Really??? It had over 17,000 likes - I'm not even sure how this kind of hating on people gets to be so popular. Apparently it was taken down not long afterwards, but another page has emerged to take its place.

CLEARING MY HEAD FROM THE CLUTTER

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OVERWHELMED

I've been feeling a bit out of sorts lately. I thought it was because Christmas was looming with all its inherent potholes that I can so easily fall into. But I realized it wasn't Christmas that was stressing me, it was being caused by the bombardment of social media. Blogging is a wonderful pastime, but it also clogs up my social media, fills my personal Facebook newsfeed with posts from people I have no idea about, and things I have no interest in - not to mention my email inbox was getting out of control. How did this happen??

5 SINGAPORE ADVENTURES

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SINGAPORE

This week has been Singapore Week, so to finish it off here are five interesting things to do if you ever visit this amazing place. Some were active and some were scenic and some were all about the shopping - because you can't go to Singapore and not shop!

SINGAPORE WITH MY MUM

a little overview of my trip to Singapore for my 50th
The famous Merlion that holds pride of place in Singapore

SINGAPORE WITH MY MUM

This is Singapore Week and Monday's post was all about seeing Singapore with my lovely (super fit) husband. It was quite a contrast to my last trip there, five years ago. That visit was a birthday present from my lovely Mum and we did it in style - with all the mod-cons! Here's what I wrote about it a while back....

WHEN YOUR TRAVEL STYLES DIFFER

Midlife - when opposites attract and then find out the differences when they travel together!

MIDLIFE TRAVELS 

For those who've seen my Facebook posts, you would know that I spent last week in Singapore with my very fit, and much more adventurous than me, husband - who should be renamed Bear Grylls the Second! We chose Singapore because it offered lots of variety seeing we like completely different things. So lets kick off Singapore Week on the blog today by reviewing a few life lessons Singapore style!


DON'T BE A LIGHT SUCKER

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DARK SUCKING

A few years ago I heard about the "Dark Sucker Theory" where, in a nutshell, the idea is that electric light bulbs don't give off light, rather, they suck in the dark. This is of course a load of bollocks, but the idea that something can suck in the dark and leave light in it's place is an interesting concept.

I was thinking that the reverse would also be true, that a Light Sucker would suck in light and leave darkness behind. I took it a step further and thought about how this applies to certain people I've come across in life. They are the people who never have any joy in their life - they just lurch from one miserable day to the next and delight in sharing their doldrums with everyone they come in contact with.


HAVE ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE?

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OPPORTUNITIES LOST AND FOUND

There are so many opportunities that come our way throughout our lives - some we grasp and head into the future with, and others slip through our fingers and become missed moments for growth. I can't begin to count how many times I've missed out on something because I was too scared to take a risk, or because someone didn't give me the benefit of the doubt and tell me to take a chance.

5 GRATITUDE PRACTICES

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5 GRATITUDE PRACTICES

My daughter went to an in-service training course a few weeks ago and shared with me the 21 Day Gratitude Practice they had been encouraged to do. It seemed like a great way to re-focus away from all the troubles in the world and to think about all the little blessings that come our way. 

FOCUS ON YOUR POTENTIAL

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ASSUMPTIONS

I read an article a while ago that said "people with a high level of confidence have just as many weaknesses as those without confidence, but they focus on their strengths instead of their weaknesses."

 As I've gotten older I find that I've tended to sit back and assume that I had achieved all that I was going to in this life, and basically there was nothing left to do now, other than accept where I was at. A friend of mine once said that she could be anything she wanted to be.....she just didn't know what she wanted to be (and that was the problem). I can certainly relate to that thought. I assumed I was limited in my potential now and stuck where I was until the end of time.

6 SIGNS OF SUCCESSFUL LIVING

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HOW DO WE DEFINE SUCCESS?

In today's world success is all about being the biggest and the best. Usually we define success by how someone performs in their chosen career or in a pursuit they endeavour to excel in. I don't think that's really what true success is all about. Maybe it's time to redefine the term - and I like how Barbara J Burrows goes about it.

REMEMBERING TO COMPLIMENT

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NEW FRIENDS

As time has passed I've noticed that I don't meet new people as often as I used to. One of the benefits of making conversation with people you don't know all that well is that you tend to say nice things to each other - like "that's a lovely outfit" or "you have great kids" because you are making connections, and being complimentary is a great way to make a positive impact. With old friends I tend to take a lot of that for granted and it is a rare event to hear someone pass a compliment in normal conversation. 

BECOMING AN AMBIVERT

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STARTING LIFE AS AN ESTJ

I've always been a big fan of the Myers Briggs Personality Test because it does quite an accurate job of summing up the characteristics of the people I know who've taken it. For years my result always came out as ESTJ and I was fine with that. My husband (the eternal introvert) always strongly agreed with my assessment and the fact that I was an extrovert (the "E" of ESTJ) and I continued to believe this until I recently redid the test.

5 BIRTHDAY WISHES

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WHAT ARE 5 THINGS YOU'D WISH FOR?

I asked my husband what he would wish for if he had five birthday wishes. First he had to check that it wasn't a trick question and that he wouldn't be in trouble for not including marital bliss and my every happiness in his wishes - I let him off the hook and here are his wishes: 1. A Lamboghini, 2. A Ducati, 3. An ocean going yacht, 4. A Summer house in Provence (that we'd sail to on the yacht) and 5. A helicopter to get from the yacht to the Summer house. The man has VERY expensive taste in his wishes!

"FOR HER AGE" AND OTHER MIDLIFE DISCLAIMERS

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THE WAKE-UP CALL

On a morning, much like any other morning, before I headed out for the day, I was checking my outfit in the mirror (fortunately it wasn't the soul destroying work mirror that shows every line and crinkle) and I thought "I'm looking pretty good for someone my age". Bang! there is was.....the dreaded midlife disclaimer "for my age". How had it crept into my own mental dialogue without me even thinking about it?

MIDLIFE - A TIME OF CONTENTMENT

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WORRIES AND WOES

I took a survey today - to help another blogger who was looking for ways to encourage midlifers to deal with their worries and problems. What I realized as I answered the questions is......I don't really have any worries or problems at the moment. I'm in a place of contentment and I feel a real sense of satisfaction with my life right here and right now.

5 REQUESTS FOR MY FUNERAL

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HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR FUNERAL?

It might seem a little bit morbid to some, but I think about my funeral quite often. At random times it crops up in my mind and I think about how I'd like to leave this mortal coil - on my own terms. My husband thinks he'll get away with handing out a flyer with a link to my blog to save him having to do a eulogy.... understandable, but there are five other things I'd still like him to include.... He's so lucky to have such an organized wife!

CELEBRATING FRIENDSHIPS

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AGES AND STAGES

With time and life's ups and downs, I've come to see that the quote about friends being for a reason, a season or a lifetime, is so true. When I was younger I thought all friendships were supposed to last for a lifetime, but now I see that isn't how life works. We have friends at different seasons of our lives - who we connect with because we are at the same age and stage, but when that stage finishes, they move on.

LIVING WITHOUT APOLOGIES AND EXPLANATIONS

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FITTING INTO BOXES

I shared a quote a little while ago about not shrinking myself anymore. I'm not sure if it's a generational issue, or a woman's issue or a personal issue, but I know a lot of us do our best to fit into the boxes other people create for us. There are a variety of reasons why we do it, the need to keep others happy, or to meet with their approval, to avoid causing upset or distress, to be liked or to be accepted. It has always been a driving force in my life and sometimes I think it harks back to being the oldest child, where responsibility and people pleasing come with the role.

5 FAVOURITE PHOTOS

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MY FIVE FAVOURITE PHOTOS

I wanted to share five of my favourite photographs - I have so many, but these were the ones that sprang to mind when I started looking through my folders on my computer. I have no idea how people will be able to choose only five in the years to come when they will have thousands saved (instead of the measly few I have to choose from - thanks to the Kodak days.)

HOLDING ON AND LETTING GO

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LIFE LESSONS

One of the hardest lessons I've been learning through this stage of my life is when to hold on, and when to let go. As life moves on and the journey continues, the "rules" change. What seemed to need all my time and attention has passed and I'm at a new and different phase of life where I have needed to renegotiate my priorities. This can look a little bit like a midlife crisis, or we can turn it around and look at it as a new adventure. Brene Brown calls it an "unraveling" as you let go of expectations and embrace the life you're living.

YOU ARE NOT

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WHAT YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU'RE NOT IN MIDLIFE

I read a poem a while ago by a young woman named Erin Hanson and it was titled You Are Not. It was addressed to women who are probably younger than most people who read my blog, but I think we can relate to it because sometimes in Midlife we get caught up in the physical, the fading, the not so lovely. We think about what we've lost, rather that what we've gained. 

In contrast to the words of the poem, it got me thinking about all the blessings we should be acknowledging and how they should be what define us. So, on that note I wrote a little something about what we're not in Midlife, and what we are.


ACTIVATE YOUR CORE!

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THAT LITTLE VOICE

As I was taking my morning walk the other day, I could hear a little voice in my head saying "walking isn't enough - you should be activating your core while you're doing it". I looked down at my little squidgy pooch that was quietly minding its own business - carefully concealed in my tracksuit pants, and immediately thought "what core?" Somewhere along the way my core seems to have been lost and shows no imminent signs or reappearing.

THE POWER OF POSITIVITY

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AFFIRMATIVE THINKING

I've always been a realist - all those touchy-feely New Age affirmations have never really been my "thing" ......until recently. My husband is a family counselor and he is a big advocate of the power of positive thinking. The more we wire our brain with positive thoughts, the more we change our view of the world. It's not magic, or a miracle, it's a gradual readjustment to the way we approach  life. And as I've given time and attention to thinking about all the good in my life and being grateful, I can see what a change it has made. 

5 WORDS THAT TOUCH MY SOUL

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5 WORDS THAT TOUCH MY SOUL

These five words resonate with me - they make me feel good when they're spoken, and by the memories and emotions associated with them. I'm sure everyone would have different words that are special to them, but these are the top five that touch my soul...

THE HIGHS AND LOWS OF FACEBOOK

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THE HIGHS OF FACEBOOK

I am a big fan of Facebook. I love catching up on people's news and re-connecting with old friends from school, or youth group, or work. I now have friends from all over the world who I connected with through blogging and then through Facebook. I think Facebook has a different feel to it for my generation. We use it to interact with each other and to share our highlights - travel pics, new jobs, children's weddings, Christmas get-togethers, new grandchildren etc.

PUTTING MY FAITH IN THE DAITH

My first hand experience of Daith piercing and how it affected the amount of headaches I've been having. #daith #migraine

HEADACHES, HEADACHES EVERYWHERE

I have suffered from chronic headaches for a far back as I can remember. I'm not sure when they started but I know that I have been keeping the various headache remedy companies in business for at least a few decades now. I don't think I have full blown migraines, mine are more of the tension headache variety, but they have been relentless and I had reached the point of being willing to try something a little out of left field.

MIDLIFE ROCKS! ~ THE SECOND HALF OF LIFE

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MIDLIFE ROCKS!

If that message hasn't sunk in by now, let me repeat it - Midlife absolutely Rocks! I'm not sure why a lot of us thought it would be a dull and gray time of life where we slowly descended into old age and incontinence, but we were so wrong! Midlife is an amazing stage where we start seeing the fruits cultivated through the first half of our lives.

MIDLIFE ROCKS! ~ DISCOVERING MIDLIFE BLOGGING

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A WHOLE NEW WORLD

How can a whole world exist and a person have no idea about it? A couple of years ago I was going quietly about my fairly mundane life - the wheels were falling off all over the place and I was hanging on by the skin of my teeth. Midlife didn't look all that fabulous to me and I was wondering how to make sense of it all. I had always kept a journal, but I thought it might be nice to put some thoughts down somewhere to get them out of my head and into some sort of order.

MIDLIFE ROCKS! ~ TRAVEL

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MIDLIFE TRAVEL

Midlife is the time to go to all those places you have on your bucket list. You might not get to all of them straight away, but it's a great time to make a start and tick a few off. Living in Australia means that most overseas travel can involve long haul flights and lot of money. You can't pop across the Channel for a weekend in France or jump on a plane for a few days in sunny California. It takes a considerable amount of planning to launch off to one of these (very attractive) destinations.

MIDLIFE ROCKS! ~ GRANDBABIES

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GRANDBABIES

What is there not to love about grandbabies???? And you can't have grandbabies without being in midlife, so one of the biggest reasons Midlife Rocks is the joy of sharing in the blessing of the next generation. To see your children's children and to be allowed to participate in loving them and reveling in their cuteness is beyond words. To see our son and his wife become great parents who are raising a happy and sun-shiny baby fills my heart with gratitude.

MIDLIFE ROCKS! ~ WATCHING YOUR KIDS MARRY

MIDLIFE ROCKS! ~ Watching Your Kids Marry - learning to let go and watch them make their own lives. #midlife #emptynest

MILESTONES

It's always a joy watching your children reach different milestones. We think back fondly to when they started walking and talking when they were really little, and the days they started school, got their drivers licence, moved out of home, graduated, began their career ....and the list goes on.

MIDLIFE ROCKS! ~ REDEFINING YOUR RELATIONSHIP

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KEEPING THAT SPARK ALIVE

It's so easy to take your relationship for granted when you've been married forever. I know I was guilty of this and nearly lost it all in the process. You live in the same house, you see each other every day but you need to wake up and make midlife a time where you find the spark and the connection again. Once those kids are out the door and the distractions are gone, you need to make your relationship a priority.

MIDLIFE ROCKS! ~ A HIATUS IN CARE-GIVING

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A LOVELY HIATUS

I know that there are a lot of midlife women out there who are still caring for little children or for teenagers, and there are others who have the responsibility of aged parents who need extra time, attention and a whole lot of care. But for my husband and myself, we are in a very pleasant stage of hiatus where our children have left our care and are doing well, and our parents are still managing to be self-sufficient (most of the time!)

MIDLIFE ROCKS! ~ TRUE FRIENDSHIP

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SPECIAL FRIENDS

I talk about friendship quite regularly on this blog (Choose Your Friends Wisely and Embrace Friendship) and I think that's because it is one of the most valuable commodities we have in life - and because there is the freedom to choose what to do with the extra time I have, I choose to invest it in those people who are special to me and hold a place in my heart.

MIDLIFE ROCKS! ~ WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK?

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PERFECTIONISM

The culmination of a lot of things happened for me when I reached midlife. One of the biggest of these was to stop my need for everything to be perfect. I had perfectionism on a pedestal it did not deserve to be on. Perfectionism sucks big time! I was so busy trying to have my Brady Bunch life that I almost missed out on having the life I really deserved.

MIDLIFE ROCKS! ~ FINDING THE REAL ME

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AUTHENTICITY

One of the biggest lessons midlife has taught me over the last few years is how empowering authenticity is. Once I gave up trying to be what I thought others expected me to be, my life opened up and the sense of relief was palpable. It took a weight off my shoulders that I didn't even realize I was carrying. No expectations is so liberating!

MIDLIFE ROCKS! ~ ALL THAT FREE TIME

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WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THAT TIME?

Once the kids are off your hands you find you have so much more free time. The only question is "How are you going to use it?" Sitting around and looking at each other and saying "we really should do something..." isn't really conducive to an active and interesting midlife relationship. Expecting your other half to entertain you for the next 40 years is hardly the stuff of healthy relationships.

MIDLIFE ROCKS! ~ FINANCIAL FREEDOM

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LIVING FRUGALLY

We've never had buckets of money - we don't lie in bed throwing handfuls of cash in the air to watch it shower down on us (does anyone do that other than in the movies?) We've always run a tight ship financially and worked on the principle of not living on credit. If we didn't have it then we didn't spend it. We lived frugally and things were often a bit tight, but we managed fine and the bills were always paid.

MIDLIFE ROCKS! LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT

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MIDLIFE ROCKS!

All my blogging over last week or so about the joys of the empty nest has reminded me of how much I'm loving this stage of life. For me, Midlife has been a time of finding myself - discovering who I really am under all the different hats I've been wearing over the years (wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, co-worker, employee etc). It has been a real time of waking up - opening my eyes to all that has gone before and all that is yet to come. Now is the time to live in the moment, seize the day, grab life with both hands - because Midlife Rocks!

EMBRACING 2016

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EMBRACING 2016

At the beginning of the year I wrote a post on Embrace ~ My Word for 2016 and I thought I'd do a little update on how that's working for me. I read heaps of posts from other bloggers about the words they were choosing and their reasons why and I hoped that I'd chosen one that would give me some inspiration to keep moving forward.

REDEFINING HOW WE DO "FAMILY" IN THE EMPTY NEST

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REDEFINING "FAMILY" IN THE EMPTY NEST

The empty nest is often spoken about as a sad and lonely time. The kids leave and take all the life and interest and excitement with them. There's no-one left who needs looking after, nobody coming and going, no strangers wandering through the house, nothing new and nothing out of the ordinary any more. It can all be so silent and sedate and fairly boring if you let it. But can the empty nest be re-defined and viewed from a different perspective? Is there another side to it?

REKINDLING YOUR RELATIONSHIP IN THE EMPTY NEST

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RECONNECTING WHEN THE NEST IS EMPTY

My last post was all about preparing our kids and ourselves for the time when they flew the nest and disappeared off into the sunset. The empty nest gave us a degree of relief and satisfaction, and it was wonderful to see them successfully launch themselves and to watch them thriving in the city and at university. They so easily settled into a completely new lifestyle and found their way around their new world with remarkable ease.

FINDING WAYS TO LOVE YOUR EMPTY NEST

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LEAVING THE NEST

All this blogging about parenting over the last couple of weeks has made me appreciate yet again the absolute joy of our empty nest. I know so many people who are worried about what their life will be like once the fledglings fly, but when you've prepared yourself and you know it's coming and you accept the inevitable change....it's amazing!

PARENTING LESSON #8 ~ LEARN TO LET GO

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HOW WILL YOU FILL THE HOLE?

One of the hardest lessons for a parent to learn is how to let go of our children. We've invested so much of ourselves into them and they are such a huge part of our lives, what will we do when they leave? I've seen so many women suffer the agonies of the empty nest because they held on so tight and when the time came for their children to leave it was a huge wrench to their hearts and they were left with a gaping hole to fill. Many struggle to find something to fill that hole with. In fact I've seen it affect some women so badly that I've even coined a term for it - Postnestal Depression (similar to Postnatal but caused by having children leave rather than having them arrive).