Cresting The Hill

I automatically fall into the I'm obviously not worth knowing trap.

Long ago I had a friend who cut me off dead without any explanation. Looking back, I can see now how I offended her but at that time I did not realize it. My phone calls and emails to her went unanswered. No cellphones back then so no texts. I guess it was an early form of Ghosting and a definite friendship ender. No apologies accepted. I have thought off and on of her, but I truly can no longer recall even her name or what she looked like. Sometimes it is best to just move on. You cannot right every wrong. But you can hold your head up high and admit how you were to yourself, forgive yourself (and them), and know that that person was never meant to be a continuation in your life. On your life journey you will meet many persons and not all will become cherished. Some are the bits and pieces that make up life's roadway but they all have their own exits to take. We meet many like that. So we must drive on.

oh my goodness. I don't think i have EVER read a blog that so exactly as in within the last few hours, matched what I just faced. Although this person and I have spoken and I did share very vulnerably with them--still, I was left cold, when I expected a hug, and now I keep replaying the dialogue! After leaving my job, very similar reasons as you leaving yours, I have been more and more aware of my desperate desire for others approval and am slowly seeing God break me of it. This is such a great reminder: "there will be times when I just have to let someone have an opinion of me that I don't deserve". Thank you!!

Hello Leanne, not recently, but I remember encountering a few people whom I wanted to get close to but for reasons I can't figure out they chose to keep a distance. It was a bit unsettling at first; but later I spoke to myself and realised that it wasn't because of anything I spoke or did; it's just that the other person had different priorities. Fair enough. I was at peace.

Hi Leanne, another way to look at your encounter is that you thankfully found out immediately what kind of person they are, you didn’t become friends only to find they later ghosted you for no reason! On a slightly different note, I have a neighbour a few doors away who blows hot and cold, she never holds a conversation and sometimes she acknowledges me and sometimes she outright ignores me! What is that about? I can’t work out if I should speak and be snubbed 75% of the time or feel like a fool for acknowledging her only to be snubbed… Chrissie x

Sometimes, I wonder if the person might have something going on in their life that is mentally draining, and they just don't feel that they have the energy at that moment for an encounter. I also wonder if some people have been so badly hurt during a relationship in the past that they become guarded, so as not to be hurt again. Your husband is right. It might not have anything to do with you. I don't think that most people think or pay attention to us as much as we think that they do. I think most people are self focused.

This is a great topic, Leanne. I tend to work harder when someone doesn't seem to like me - daughter of a narcissist syndrome. There are times this works, but not often. It is hard to accept that sometimes people don't like you (meaning me), and going on about your business. Sometimes, there is a reason, and that's hard, too. If you are lucky, you find out that reason. Most of the time, no one confronts you. Other times, as you pointed out, the reason has nothing to do with you. I've never really figured it out, it doesn't happen too often in real life anymore, but it definitely does on my mailing list. I feel bad when people unsubscribe even though I know that our emails get way too clogged up. So, great topic. When you get it all figured out, I'll buy your book. LOL :)

Leanne, Oh, that inner voice! It's hard to stop it when you think someone blames you for something and then cold shoulders you. I was involved in an "incident" over the weekend and for almost a whole day after, I kept hearing that inner voice ask, what could I have done differently. If I had said this or done that. In fact, two days later, I'm still wondering if I could have done/said something different! But I'm having to accept that the cold shoulder (and no further relationship) will just have to be what it is.

It's a trait I understand! It's something to be kinder to ourselves about isn't it? Right now I'm being very Denyse centred as I face the challenge of getting to ny appointment tomorrow. I do try, as best as I can, to remember others face challenges too! Denyse x

I get it too Leanne, and I try to remember that's it's 'not always about me,' as you point out! In our heads it is all about us though!!

Yay for you, Leanne, being able to quiet that inner voice that wants us to take responsibility for what people think of us. Of course, it's good to evaluate--ask ourselves if we've wronged someone--but if that answer comes back "no," that's when the "Let Them" way of thinking actually is a good thing. I always think back to when my sister was divorcing and upset that her husband could not understand her point of view and was holding her responsible for everything that went wrong (when he had actually done something egregious). Her counselor told her, "You don't respect him or want to be with him, so his opinion of you is none of your business." I found that interesting. We all want to be understood and many of us (like me) want to be liked, but it's just not realistic, or probably even desirable.

Hope you are feeling better after this. I guess we all have people we prefer to spend our time with. My people are always family. I have some friends that I no longer see but not for anything they've done but just because our lives have moved in different directions. And when I am not with PC of the kids, I cherish time alone. My friends are much more social than I.

I love that Kate Winslet quote as well. So very true!