REFLECTIVE THOUGHTS FROM SUBSTACK
A little while ago, Corinne, one of my fellow bloggers who moved to Substack, listed seven questions in her post for reflection. As I'm in the middle of my year of choosing "Mindful" as my inspiration, I thought I'd share them here in case others are interested in doing a little deep dive...
WHY ARE QUESTIONS IMPORTANT?
I like the idea of occasionally diving into probing questions - just not too often or it becomes a little too self-absorbed and intense! What I liked about these questions is that they didn't all have to be answered, and they gave me a gentle push to look beyond my very cruisy little life to see if there's anything I'd like to change up a bit in the months ahead.
The thing with retirement is that it's been easy to fall into a quiet routine where my days are very simple and cosy, but I might not be challenging myself as much as I probably should. I like my comfort zone, I like letting one day roll into the next, but when I chose "Mindful" it was so I could be a little more intentional with how my year played out.
THESE ARE THE 7 QUESTIONS FROM CORINNE
She suggests that we take one question, sit with it gently, and let that be enough for today. So, that being the challenge, I'll choose one and share my thoughts and perhaps you'd like to choose one to share in the comments?
- What am I carrying right now that wants to be acknowledged, not fixed?
- Where in my life am I being asked to slow down?
- What has quietly sustained me so far this year?
- What feels heavy and what feels supportive at this point in the year?
- What would it look like to meet the rest of the year with a little more ease?
- What kind of care am I needing most right now?
- What can I release, even slightly, to make more space?
MY RESPONSE TO THE PROMPTS
I feel like I've tackled a couple of these already this year:Number 1 I blogged about in June when I realized that I needed to Be Mindful Of My Social Capacity because it wasn't something to be fixed, just something to be acknowledged.
Number 7 I blogged about in May where I shared 4 Things I Was Letting Go To Make More Space because who I used to be isn't who I am now - and some things needed to go.
So, I think I'll ponder upon Number 3 - "what has sustained me this year?" For me it brings to mind my struggles with fitting into mainstream church culture over the last few years. My connection and commitment seem to have diminished due to some issues that were then compounded when the pandemic hit and we stopped attending for a couple of months. For those who are long-term committed church attenders (or any other regular group attenders), you'd understand why feeling disconnected after many, many years feels disconcerting to say the least...
In thinking about what the last 6 or so months have been like, I'd say that what has sustained my faith journey and helped me find my way has been a combination of a few things.... consistently attending a church I feel more comfortable in (even if it's less often than it used to be), whilst being mindful of my capacity in this context and taking time away when I feel I need it. To balance that, I meet with a couple of other women each week for a time of sharing and learning - their encouragement and support over the last few years has been an absolute blessing - and I know they feel the same way. We're different ages and personalities, but walking a similar path and looking to deepen our faith in a meaningful way.
Adding onto those two more personal approaches has been reading good books and listening to good podcasts - the availability of thought provoking and interesting online content is a life-saver when it comes to wanting to know more and be more - and I'm amazed at the willingness of those who put such valuable content online for no cost for those of us who need it.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Well, I hope that wasn't too deep or off-putting, but as I mentioned, the questions are quite personal and thought-provoking. My faith journey has had some unexpected challenges over the last few years, so looking at what's been positive has been really helpful. I hope something here triggers you to think about what's brewing in your mind and how you might gain some forward momentum.
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Reading your words and prompts reminds me that I have been 'doing a lot of this' in terms of reflecting and self-compassionately allowing myself grace (and space) when the changes I am living with and making don't always FIT my ingrained ways. I am doing a LOT of inner shifting of both rules and habits and whilst it is hard, it is worth doing for me as I can only move forward. Following the decade of the trauma and grief then the 'burnout' I keep reminding myself that is a LOT of change too. I am reading into this post that you are now finding some connection within your faith/church/community that resonates and helps you. Take care, thanks for sharing, Denyse x
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - it's a continuing journey isn't it? When we hit a wall we can stop and let it beat us or we can pause, reassess, and work out how we want to move forward - up and over, or going around - whatever works best, but still feels like we're doing it on our terms and in a way that feels authentic and not forced.
DeleteI think we're both figuring out how to let go of past hurts and overwhelm while we create a life that feels like a good fit. We'll get there with intention and self-care. x
Those are some very important and thoughtful questions to reflect on - they align perfectly with your focus on being mindful, and very useful for me right now in this point of life. This summer has given me food for thought in many contexts and I've been able to start letting go of some old beliefs that have kept me stuck in how I see myself. I'm slowly learning how I can be kinder to myself, in what areas I can make changes to get closer to where I want to be, and in what areas it's time to settle down.
ReplyDeleteI also have a Christian faith of sorts, but never fitted in with the typical church and much of that culture hurt me deeply. Now I've left organised church entirely but remain in touch (by e-mail) with certain friends from my former church and I'm happy enough with that.
Hi Susanne - I think a lot of us have a personal faith but have struggled at some point with the church. It's a shame when we lose that connection because of a negative experience that should never have happened. Finding our "tribe" is a journey in itself and I'm glad you still have contact with a few from than time.
DeleteI'm also working on being kinder to myself, but also on giving myself permission to expect others to be kinder to me too - I spent too long letting others get away with being dismissive or unkind - now I want them to step up because we all deserve better than that. :)
Great questions for reflection. On the cusp of my 8th decade, I'm aware of the physical limitations I face in tending to the rural property where I live. I can still manage but it takes more time & effort & energy. I acknowledge that my time on this property is limited. Any move away from this home will be huge. It will be an emotional adjustment as much as a physical/geographical adjustment. This I know.
ReplyDeleteHi Mona - big life changes are so daunting aren't they? It's not just the physical move, but also letting go of a version of ourselves that we loved. The key is often to find something or somewhere that has new possibilities - they may not be the same, but they help to engage us as we make the transition. I hope you know when the time is right and that the perfect new place comes to you when you're ready for it. x
DeleteLeanne, Well, I don't really need a prompt to reflect! But your comment about a group of women reminded me of my "resilience discussion group" that met for about 6 months this year. While we are all close to similar ages (ok 55-75) and most retired, we all had very different traumas and situations we were working thorough. In common, we all wanted to move from surviving to thriving. It was so supportive and helpful to me and I miss those conversations. Every week we had reading and reflection to do. It helped me work on boundaries and move forward on my journey to believing I'm good enough. I'll need to think about creating a future group to continue this type of conversation. Add it to my list I made on my own blog yesterday!
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - I always enjoy seeing what you have on your "to do" bucket list, and I think a group of supportive women is something that is such a challenge to find. We each often acknowledge how grateful we are to be able to spend those couple of hours together each week to check in and to connect with each other. To not have to explain why we feel a certain way, or why we're struggling, or why we want to move in a certain direction, then gives us permission to figure out the "what's next?" questions in a safe place. I hope you create something similar when your world settles again.
DeleteGreat questions to mull over. I chose ‘What can I release, even slightly, to make more space?’ I’ve been doing some work on this over the past few months. I have a draining friendship where it’s one sided in many respects so I’ve been practicing stepping back. For instance, not immediately replying to emails with lots of questions I feel I need to answer out of politeness, especially where she is positioning herself as gatekeeper. I feel ‘off the hook’ and it’s wonderful! It’s given me more control over my time and what I get drawn into. It’s so easy to stay stuck in learned patterns, but recognising them and making changes is such a relief. Now I’m going to work through the rest of the list. Chrissie
ReplyDeleteHi Chrissie - go you! I think out of kindness we can get trapped into "friendships" that are draining and one-sided. Those types of friends seem to be the people who are good at attaching themselves to those they know will be kind and not call them on their behaviour. Like that woman I worked with and then re-encountered, they never change and they don't even notice how one-sided their relationships are. I think it's harder on us to let go than it is for them because they're too self-absorbed to notice the withdrawal! Good on you for stepping back and finding room to breathe. xx
DeleteHi Leanne, they certainly are thought provoking questions aren't they? I don't know where to start as I'm really just into managing being back from a magical holiday and trying to settle into some sort of routine. I enjoyed the daily adventures and am missing the adrenaline rush to some extent! Always good to touch base!
ReplyDeletePS. I did comment on a few posts when I got home but they may have shown up as anonymous!
Hi Deb - ahhhhh now I know who the lovely anonymous commenter was! Thanks so much for catching up and checking in after such a big trip away. I enjoyed following you on all your adventures, but it was much more relaxing being on this side of the ocean than sitting in a plane for many, many hours like you did - my admiration was huge - especially the parts you did by yourself - freaking amazing!!
DeleteI didn't find this personal post off-putting at all, Leanne. I appreciated the reflection. I left the religion of my childhood years ago. It was no longer serving me, and after much reflection, I came to the realization that I did not personally believe in it, but had been relying on what I was taught as a child. Many of the ethics and principles I learned there still guide me though, and the process of asking myself the hard questions served me well, so I don't regret any of it or have bad feelings toward that religion. As for the questions you shared, I'd like to answer #3. Spending a lot of time in nature this year has definitely quietly sustained me, especially the long walks in the forests of Spain, but also the beautiful desert closer to home.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - it's always good to hear that we can be accepting of each other's journeys and what works for one person that may not hold true for someone else - but it's still okay to be part of each other's worlds.
DeleteI love my time in nature too - every morning as I walk along the parks and water's edge near me, I just breathe more deeply and feel more calm - it's such a blessing to be able to spend the time somewhere that refreshes our soul.