WHAT MAKES A LIFE "BORING"?
I've been watching other people's lives on Facebook recently and they're all so busy doing stuff. They're off travelling the country, or travelling the world, or attending events, working hard at careers, or living large in general. Me.....not so much. I'm just here at home living my small life and wondering if I should be wanting more? Is my life boring if I don't feel bored?
ONE PERSON'S BORING IS ANOTHER PERSON'S PEACE
As I was pondering all this, I came across a fantastic article on No Sidebar that asked the question "What if I just want to stay home?" it was beautifully written from the heart, and it resonated deeply. In the article Joshua Becker asks a lot of "what if?" questions that sum up exactly how I feel these days....
- What if I just want to stay home?
- What if I don't buy a thing, and don't go anywhere, and don't cross a single impressive item off a list?
- What if I don’t want the packed itinerary?
- What if I’ve stopped needing the weekend to be something worth posting about?
- What if I find more joy in a home-cooked meal than a restaurant?
And....
What if I am genuinely, unperformatively happy?
Not settling. Not making peace with less. Not telling myself a story to feel better about staying put. But actually, honestly, deeply content—right here, in this ordinary life, with these ordinary days that ask nothing of me except to show up and pay attention.
A BORING RETIREMENT
My retirement came ten years earlier than I expected it to. I thought I'd be nose to the grindstone until I was in my late 60's, and instead of that I, I found myself free and clear in my late 50's. What a joy to be out of the cage of the paid workforce and to be able to do anything I like whenever and wherever I like. The world is my oyster....but rather than doing more and more with all this freedom, I've found that I'm just happy leading my quiet, boring, every-day life.
One of the biggest discoveries I've made is that a small life seems constrictive if you are living it because you have no other choices available. I've lived like that for many years - pinching the pennies, being careful, living on a tight budget. That's not my life anymore, I have the freedom to do pretty much whatever I like....and I've found that what I like is right on my doorstep. I like living a pleasant life that feels full, but not overwhelming. I like leading a life where I feel content, and one that I know I can change if I want to, but until that day comes I'm happy with being boring.
COMPARE AND COMPETE
Once again, it comes back to not comparing my life to the highlight reels that others share. I do what I want to do and let them do what they're doing. I can follow along on their adventures without feeling the pull to be doing those things too. I love living stress-free, I love having short term plans and no big pressures in my life. I don't want to uproot myself or push my boundaries right now.....maybe down the track, but not now.
Reading that article reminded me that there are a lot of other people out there who are content living their small lives too, they enjoy being home, they enjoy their little daily routines, their home-cooked meals, their cups of coffe, their partners, their pets, their friends, their gardens, their neighbourhoods. The don't need to be doing more to be happy...
And you know what? Neither do I.
At this point in my life, I don’t want to give advice, to be useful, to be needed, to feel I need to earn anything; I don’t need a purpose, a routine, a structure, a role, a project. I don’t want to be productive, to achieve, to attain, to be visible, to be admired, to inspire. I don’t want to hold court, to work the room, to be the centre of attention.
And you know what? Neither do I.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Are you boring or are you bustling and living life on a grander scale? Do you find yourself wishing for more, or wondering if you should be wishing for more? Is a "boring" life a good life if we're content?
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As far as I'm concerned, something is only boring if you're bored. If you're content, it isn't boring. The most bored I've been was when I was in the corporate gig juggling a million and one things and stressed to the max. But, I was bored. All. The. Time. Now, I'm busy, but never bored. We've cut back the outings and I cook more creatively at home, but I'm not bored. I look forward to Sunday afternoons with nothing on, but I'm not bored.
ReplyDeleteYou are SO right Jo - the most bored I ever felt was when I was working basically fulltime in a job that I could do with my eyes closed. Super busy but so predictable and so underappreciated. Now I feel like my value rests entirely in what I bring to my own table - and if I'm happy in the small stuff, then that's more than enough.
DeleteI feel as you do. There is a peacefulness and contentment in being at home. Enjoying the everyday moments without a goal or a plan is lovely.
ReplyDeleteHi Joely - I love being home soooo much! Going out occasionally is pleasant, but I love returning to base, to not being away for long periods of time, and to just pottering in my own space and timeframe - it really is lovely.
DeleteHi Leanne, I don’t think doing what we love is boring. I grew bored of doing the same work every day for years even though it was in the fast paced corporate world. These days I’m finding that retirement brings the freedom to do what I want and when I want. I’ve found that if a friend has to cancel a meet up I’m usually relieved to have another day at home! Maybe that’ll change down the line, but right now I’m enjoying home, garden, and most of all freedom! Chrissie x
ReplyDeleteHi Chrissie - it's funny how lovely it is to be at home doing nothing much more than puttering around. I keep expecting to be bored, or for the days to feel long and drawn out, but each day slips into the next and the weeks glide by - not in a frenetic, busy way, but in a lovely gentle flow. I'm sure some people would be bored with it, but it gives me space to breathe and to "be" - I'm so glad you feel the same way too. x
DeleteI love being at home, pottering in my garden, drinking cups of tea and reading books. I enjoy holidays which don't involve travelling too far and like my calendar to include lots of blank space. I do worry that this all makes me boring, though I am never bored, and that I 'should' be doing more and going further. I worked as a lawyer for a long time and was always stressed and very bored. I guess I'm learning to give myself permission to live the life I want but there's still that tendency to seek external validation.
ReplyDeleteHi Rebecca - isn't it weird how boring a full-on working life can be, and how un-boring a gently lived quiet life is? The external validation is so real when we've based our self worth on our performance and productivity. Letting all that go and caring less about the opinions of others can be a bit of push at times, but every time I put all of that to the side and just live my lovely little life, the happier I become. It's a better kind of validation to hear from others who are on a similar journey and who embody values and a lifestyle that resonate with how I want to live the second half of life. Thanks for your comment and being part of that. :)
DeleteHi Leanne, Good for you - I couldn't agree more. I was made redundant 8 years ago and thought I would find another job. Somehow I never got around to doing that. For the first time in my life I am free to do whatever I want when I want. I love my life and if the time comes that I am looking for more then I will seek out more but for now I love being home and my very simple slow retirement. It suits me and I have finally reached the point in my life that I have given up worrying what others think. Enjoy your retirement the way it suits you.
ReplyDeleteYou sound so much like me! I even went back to work for a year because I thought I should - did a little one day a week job, until I realized that I wasn't doing it because I enjoyed it, but because I thought I "should". Well, that was the day I resigned and skipped out the door with no regrets - and such a huge appreciation of the privilege it is to be able to live a simple slow retirement every single day of the week. I'm so glad you're enjoying yours too. :)
DeleteTime is a precious resource these days that I am delighted and privileged to make the very sound choices…to STAY home, to go slowly, and to SAVOUR more. The health results of my decade of trauma and grief are becoming clear that is how to live well. And I am. Great topic Leanne. PS until I had the burnout diagnosis I was striving and comparing….not anymore. There was a cost to me of that and I don’t want to pay it again. Denyse x
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - I really think that we find our centre when we step away from wondering and worrying about what others are doing or thinking. When we choose to follow the beat of our own drum and do what feels right specifically for who we are and the season we're in, life just resonates more deeply and authentically. I just don't have the drive or desire to compete with those who are doing so much more - I'll just cheer them on from my quiet little corner of the world. x
DeleteI think only you decide if your life is boring or not. If what you do is fulfilling and makes you happy, then all is good. What other people do or what they think is boring is up to them!
ReplyDeleteI like to challenge myself and learn and develop.. not to impress but because I didn't truly start living until in the last few years. Before that I was held captive by my self-doubt and poor life choices. Now I want to experience things and challenge my previous beliefs of what I can or can't do. While others might think some of the things I are impressive, I do it because it gives me joy (and better health in some cases!) and because it makes me feel more alive.
Hi Susanne - you're so right, and I think that's what I'm getting at with the idea of 'boring' - what enriches one person's life is often completely different to what sparks with someone else. I can spend hours doing a jigsaw and listening to an engaging podcast, while someone else can spend that time at the gym or on a plane. Vive la difference - and thank goodness we have these years to finally spend time in what brings us joy.
Delete"...genuinely, unperformatively happy" YES! Adjectives like "boring" are so subjective. What's boring to one is not to another. Is validation being sought when we ask the questions, "Is a boring life a bad life? Do I need to be doing more?" WWWD? Willie Nelson would offer no apologies & no explanations.
ReplyDeleteHi Mona - it definitely comes back to separating ourselves from others opinions and highlight reels - letting others do what makes them happy while we ge on with living a happy unperformative life. The world needs the balance - and I love that this stage of life gives us the joy of exploring what feels like the best fit.
DeleteLeanne,
ReplyDeleteThank so much for stopping by!! when I first retired, I was so tired of everyone asking me when were we going to start traveling....NEVER!!! I was not interested in traveling or attending a ton of events...I enjoy being home and puttering around my house even though now I am the only one living here...It makes me happy and if staying home brings us joy and happiness then so be it, right???
Hugs,
Deb
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