WHO AM I BECOMING AS I AGE?
I saw a quote from The Happiness Planner recently about discovering who we're becoming over time. There's so many different life experiences that we've moved through that leave a stamp on us. The quote reminded me that we keep changing and growing - that we can choose what we want to keep and what no longer serves us and can be released....
Perhaps the purpose of life isn't to find one fixed, final version of yourself. Perhaps it's to notice all the versions of yourself you have become without realizing it - the one who survived, the one who stayed too long, the one who began again, the one who learned to trust, and one who finally stopped asking for permission. Not every version of you was meant to last forever, but each one carried you somewhere. Growing up is learning which parts deserve to come with you into the next chapter, and which ones you can finally thank and release.
OUR IDENTITY ISN'T FIXED
It's always good to read a reminder that who we are is constantly evolving - there are many versions of ourselves that we move through as we grow through life. How we respond to the good and bad, the boring and the amazing, the ups and the downs - all of that shapes us into who we are today, and who we'll be tomorrow.
I'm so grateful that the tough times of the past can serve a purpose and that I didn't go through them for nothing. The pain and stress of the experiences taught me what I needed to learn about what I bring to the table, and who I allow a seat to share that table with me. What I might have put up with a decade ago no longer has relevance to who I am today.
NOTHING IN LIFE IS PERMANENT
Growth moves us forward, it takes us away from the old version of ourselves and carries us to the next phase of life. I'm hoping that each new phase makes me a little wiser and a little more gracious. I'd like to think that I can release what doesn't fit any longer so that I can make room for the the new experiences life will bring my way. But I also want to hold onto the fact that I don't have to be on a continuous improvement cycle. I really liked this quote that I saw recently:
Your relationship with yourself cannot be built entirely around improvement. At some point, you have to become someone you are allowed to enjoy being. You get to be proud of who you are. Present tense.
As I've inched my way along in life I think I'm finally drawing closer to who I am and what feels like a good fit for me. It took all the years of working to discover that I really enjoy retirement. It took all the years of parenting to be able to enjoy my adult children and grandchildren. It took all the ups and downs of married life to be able to enjoy the calm and depth that I have now. It took many types of friendships passing through to know which ones to hold onto and which ones to let go. And it took a lot of living to figure out what resonates with my values and what can't be part of my world.
SOME OF THE BENEFITS OF SELF-DISCOVERY
When I Googled the benefits of self-discovery, this is what I found - and I think it sums it up better than I probably could (and in fewer words!)
Mental and Emotional Benefits
- Less stress: You stop worrying what others think and accept who you are.
- Better choices: You make decisions that fit your real needs instead of following trends.
- Emotional control: You learn your emotional triggers and stay calm during hard times.
- Self-compassion: You judge yourself less and forgive your own mistakes.
Social and Life Benefits
- Clear boundaries: You find it much easier to say "no" to things you do not want.
- Stronger bonds: You communicate your needs clearly, which makes your friendships and work bonds better.
- True purpose: You stop chasing goals meant for other people and build a life that satisfies you.
WAYS TO TAP INTO SELF-DISCOVERY
As I'm figuring out who I've become and what else still lies ahead, these are a few of the things I've been putting into place to that might work for you too:
- Deciding what works and doing more of that
- Releasing old expectations and habits that aren't useful
- Sitting with the questions that intrigue me
- Being brave enough to try something new
- Loving those who contribute to my life
- Forgiving myself and others for past hurts
- Finding what I like - not what I think I should like
- Trusting the process and not rushing
- Allowing breathing space and room for joy
- Embracing the life I have now as it unfolds
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Are you on a journey of self-discovery? Are you able to release what no longer serves so that you have room for what's still to come?
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Love this post! The statement about "becoming someone you enjoy being" really hit me. I am still a work in progress on this. Some days I like & enjoy me; some days, not so much. Accepting what is and accepting who I am have been things I continue to work on. I'm still working on managing boundaries, too. One thing I am going to do when we move back into our home is establish some new habits for the "me I want to be!"
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - I think most of us are still figuring a lot of this stuff out (which is why I end up writing about it!) and yes, there are days when I find myself falling back into old patterns, but living this lovely retired life has taken away a lot of the stress, and that makes it easier to live life well. You're going to love it when you're happily ensconced in your new lovely home - so much space and freedom to relax and just "be". :)
DeleteAlways thought provoking and insightful Leanne - thanks!
ReplyDeleteThanks Deb - I do like delving into how we progress towards becoming our true selves as we move through the second half of life. <3
DeleteHi Leanne, this is a really thought provoking post. I had to read it a few times and came to the conclusion that I’m still very much a work in progress. I’m finding it difficult to decide what’s working and what isn’t since retirement. Is this normal or am I overthinking? Chrissie x
ReplyDeleteHi Chrissie - it's definitely normal :) I realized the other day that it's been 7 years since I left my toxic job (and then there was a year in there somewhere doing my little "recovery" job) so basically six years of not working. I think I spent the first couple figuring out that I actually loved not working, and the rest has been about settling in to a life that seems almost too good to be true at times. It's been a process of finding out what works and what doesn't, and also a big part has been not beating myself up about being less productive. We've earnt this and we get to enjoy it - our brains just need time to catch up with that. x
DeleteGreat post Leanne. I’m currently evolving…ha! And that is because my health means I cannot “Go back to who I was” because that’s when I became unwell. I am enjoying some of the less hectic times now as I gently become more familiar with my body and the nervous system’s needs. It’s a good feeling and one in which I too am growing and adapting. Warm wishes, Denyse x
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - as I just mentioned to Chrissie in the comment above you, sometimes our brains need time to catch up with the new normal that we're living. We get caught up in old ways of thinking and we tend to forget that the old ways often caused stress, burnout, comparison, and it was just hard at times. Now things are so much smoother and we have the time to process what works and what doesn't, and to be kinder to our older selves.
DeleteI'm proud of all I could do when I was younger and more driven, now I'm proud of who I'm becoming as I do less and allow myself space to breathe. That's what I see as the evolving you mentioned in your comment. We'll keep evolving together. x
I love everything about this post, Leanne. I plan to share it with others I think could benefit from this insight. As you've probably guessed from past discussions we've had, I am also on a journey of self-discovery. I appreciate the idea that each version of ourselves is worthy and lovable and brought something to the table. It's not a matter of constant improvement, but actually of changing and growing into different versions of ourselves that suit the times of life and situations we are in.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely compliment - thanks so much Christie. And yes, learning that life is full of different seasons and each serves its own purpose takes a lot of pressure off doesn't it? The tough seasons strengthen us but we don't have to stay in them forever, the gentler seasons are a time to rest, and then there are seasons where we feel like we're finally beginning to figure it all out - they just too a while to come for me, but I love where they're taking me. x
DeleteLove this Leanne. Many years ago I left the 9 to 5 world and moved to my island. I had been successful in that former world but wanted to be in a new life where I could be the real me I knew I could be . Have never been sorry. Am still self-discovering.
ReplyDeleteHi Judith - I think your life now sounds amazing and it reflects your choices and your values - that's where self-discovery leads us isn't it? It helps us sift through things until we find what feels like a good fit - then it's up to us to go out and live it well. :)
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