LET THEM VS TELL THEM
A couple of years ago I shared my thoughts about the "Let Them Theory" where if people are awful to us, we just let them behave like that and get on with our lives. It never really resonated with me and I explained why in my post (if you missed reading it you can find it HERE).
I don't want people like that in my life, I don't want to have people around me behaving in unkind ways while I pretend it doesn't bother me. It hurts my heart to be near people who do this:
Just Let them.
If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.
If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.
If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.
If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.
If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.
If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.
If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM.
Let them lose you. You were never theirs, because you were always your own.
So let them.
A DIFFERENT THEORY
I came across a different theory recently from Vex King. He calls it the "Tell Them Theory" and it's based around kindness and lifting others up. Affirming those who are doing their best in a world that can often be noisy, and fast, and disconnected.
Here's Vex King's Theory:
I'm convinced a Tell Them Theory would make the world a better place.
Think the waiter was friendly?
Tell them.
Your friend looked good today?
Tell them.
Someone's work inspired you?
Tell them.
The world is loud with criticism and quiet with appreciation. Be the exception.
It could make someone's day.
I can get onboard with this way of doing life - remembering to smile, giving a random compliment, acknowledging good service by putting up a review, telling those we care about that they're special - rather than assuming they know. It's not hard, it costs nothing, it's just taking a moment to be kind and to engage with those around us.
BE THAT PERSON
I don't know about you, but I want to be that person - the person who gives voice to words that confirm the worth of others, who speaks kindness and not criticism, who is a cheerleader for my family and friends, who offers acceptance rather than unasked for advice (I read that unasked for advice is just criticism in disguise, and that resonated deeply!)I'm choosing to make this an active part of my life, where I look for opportunities to smile, to speak light into my marriage, and to speak up when I appreciate something about another person - whether it's a family member, a friend, or a random stranger who crosses my path. I'm going to Tell Them.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Have you heard of the "Tell Them" Theory? Does it resonate with you in any way? I'll always be an advocate for anything that encourages kindness and positivity in the world around me. I hope you will be too.
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I haven't heard of it as a theory, but to me it's just what you do. Especially the part about good service and good reviews. Don't just make a noise about the bad stuff.
ReplyDeleteI thought the same Jo, but when you think about those people who never smile, who are quick to complain, and who never compliment anyone - well, they obviously missed the "Tell Them" memo....
DeleteI'm with you Leanne and have always been more about seeing the positives in life and people around me.
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - it takes so little effort to be kind and to say something nice - if it's in our head, it can make all the difference to someone if we just say it. :)
DeleteHi Leanne, I agree with you, I tell people as much as I can about the good things. The more I’ve done it the better I feel too! It’s so much nicer than letting negatives in. Love your blog too :-) Chrissie x
ReplyDeleteHi Chrissie - thank you for your "tell them" moment for my blog - it and I appreciate it hugely! And yes, one of the lovely things about giving a compliment or an encouragement is the bonus of feeling good from having said it. We get blessed when we're a blessing. xx
DeleteHi Leanne - I haven't heard of either of the two theories. One difference I noticed was that in the Let Them Theory, it's all about negative issues and vibes; while in the Tell Them Theory, it's all about positive things. But having said that, both have an inherantly positive ring around them.
ReplyDeleteHi Pradeep - yes they both seek to take the negativity out of interactions - but I like that the Tell Them Theory does it with a heart of wanting others to feel blessed, whereas the Let Them Theory is more of a way of coping with negative people. I'm filtering those people out of my circle and focusing on engaging and building into those who share my approach - it's a lot less stressful :)
DeleteI appreciate "being told" so why would I not do the same for others ? We can all benefit from the "tell them" theory !!
ReplyDeleteI'm the same Judith - it's so lovely to receive and remember a compliment - it offsets all those small less-than-happy encounters along the way. :)
DeleteI just recently saw the quote about Tell Them that you're citing. It must be "making the rounds"! I do try and compliment people, tell them I appreciate what they have done, thank them for doing something.
ReplyDeleteThe quote that struck me even more was the "unasked for advice is just criticism in disguise".
That I had not heard, and, oh my, does it resonate! It's been so hard listening to others in their rebuild journey advise me I need to do the same as they are doing. And now I know why it's been hard - it feels like criticism! Thanks for that Aha!
Hi Pat - that unasked for advice quote was something I saw somewhere and it has permanently lodged in my brain too. It's such a great reminder to keep my mouth shut unless someone asks me what I think - and it feeds into the concept of speaking positivity into the world instead of being so quick to criticize or ignore. Vex King has become a little bit of a cheerleader for me lately. :)
DeleteI haven't heard of the Let Them Theory, Leanne; however, I have read articles encouraging people to speak up when they observe nice things about people...not to keep compliments to yourself. And I've made a conscious effort to do more of that lately. It generally makes me and the person I'm complimenting smile.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - it's my aim to do it as often as possible too - it's such a win/win isn't it? I don't want to be around people who have the "let them" qualities - I just want happy interactions and to speak positivity wherever and whenever I can.
DeleteAmen!! Imagine if the majority of the world embraced this practice.
ReplyDeleteIt has to start somewhere Leslie - and I'm happy to be part of the process :) x
DeleteHello Leanne - I prefer the 'Tell them' theory than the 'Let them'. The 'Let Them Theory never really resonated with me either. I was sharing something particularly painful with a 'friend' and she dismissed everything I said and felt by telling me 'Let Them'. Needless to say I never confided in that person again. I never miss a chance to compliment people or to offer an encouraging word as I have witnessed how it makes people feel. A simple act of kindness makes all the difference in the world. Thank you for sharing! 🧡
ReplyDeleteHi Yvonne - so lovely to hear from you again - I was wondering if you were okay because you'd been absent for a while. And yes to everything you said about the "Let Them" theory - I find it really dismissive and it fails to acknowledge the need we all have for genuine, caring encounters. I don't want to make allowances for insensitive people - I'd much rather make space for positive and joyful encounters - and compliments wherever the opportunity arises. :)
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