LETTING GO IS JUST THE BEGINNING
The first Word Of The Year I ever chose (back in 2015) was "Release" because I felt like I was trying to control my world by holding on too tightly to far too many things. I wanted to be able to free myself from the need to have all my ducks in a row and to allow life to happen to me - rather than always pushing through and wanting to know the ending.
I wanted life to be more about the journey, and less about the destination. But there's more to letting go than the action itself, the second part is what it makes room for in our lives...
MAKING ROOM FOR WHAT FEELS LIKE A BETTER FIT
I had the idea of letting go being a two step process brought to my attention a little while ago in a Facebook post from @PositivelyPresent and it inspired me to think about how it had been working out in my own life - what I had released, and what it had made room for.
1. FROM SELF DOUBT TO SELF ACCEPTANCE
I think entering my 60's was a turning point for me - I finally realized that I don't have to prove my worth to anyone, I could be "me" and that was enough. I began to let go of the need to justify how I lived my life, the choices I made, or my beliefs - I could let others be who they are while I could get on with being who I am - less comparisons and more contentment.
2. FROM HEAVINESS TO LIGHTER LIVING
I chose "Live Lightly" as my #WOTY in 2023 because it had been a heavy previous few years for me - I was tired from those awful years in a toxic job, the unsettledness that the pandemic created, an unexpected and unplanned early retirement, and feeling like I was always pushing through; then my left hip failed and I underwent a Total Hip Replacement. I realized that I needed to let go of the weight I'd been carrying, to let myself breathe and just "be" - I needed to make room for a softer way of living.
3. FROM BUSY TO SIMPLER AND SLOWER
One of the biggest life shifts I've made over the last decade has been to slow my life down. I used to live such a busy and bustling and much bigger life, but it wasn't what I wanted anymore, I wanted to let some of the responsibilities and worries go, and to live a life that felt more considered and intentional - to react less and to respond in a more balanced way. Early retirement gave me the opportunity to slow down, to embrace simplicity, and to juggle less balls. Letting go of busyness has given me room to discover what feels meaningful.
4. FROM SCARCITY TO GRATITUDE
The final thought I had about releasing and making room for more, was learning to let go of my scarcity mindset that I'd carried with me throughout my adult life - that need to always be careful with finances, with spending, with saying "no" to anything that felt a little frivolous or fun. The key to moving on from always feeling "less" was to acknowledge that all my frugal living choices had brought us to a place where I could let that tight grip loosen, and I could start to enjoy some of the fruit of our labours. I'm finally able to see how abundant our life is in retirement - we're comfortable, we're content, we're happy and secure - and I'm grateful for that every.single.day. The hard work has paid off, and now I can live with the joy of having enough - not too much, not too little - just the right amount.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Have you noticed that you've let go of old thoughts or habits to make room for newer and better ones? Has the second half of life freed you up to live more abundantly? I'd love to know what you've released to make room for what feels like a better fit.
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Leanne, I learn a lot about you in these reflective posts and I can take heed of some of your life lessons too. Thank you. What I am finding in my mid 70s is that changes are made for me...like energy and motivation ...and I acknowledge them and accept them I can feel more at ease with me. It's been such a big learning curve helping me recover and heal from my big decade, and I take note now of what works for me and what does not. Steering my own boat through the river of life now ...seriously, did I just say that!! Take care and your 1000% of care for and of me really matters too! Denyse x
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - thank you so much for your kind words. I think it's lovely that there's still a (very small) corner of the blogosphere where connection and care matter. I've certainly let go of a lot of the things that drained my energy for very little return, and that's freed me up to really enjoy what I have without spreading myself too thin. Finding that sweet spot where time and energy are balanced and we feel calm and at peace is such a joy. Here's to the next ten years! x
DeleteHi Leanne - Yes, post 60, I feel very much at home! I am letting go a lot more things than earlier. Life has become slower and calmer as well.
ReplyDeleteHi Pradeep - I think that's one of the joys of getting older, retiring, and having less balls to juggle - we have the time to figure out what's no longer a good fit and we get to choose something new to replace it with.
DeleteHi Leanne, being in my 60s and fairly newly retired has given me more choices on how I live and who I want around me these days. It’s been an eye opener with regards to friendships, one in particular that I’m realising isn’t such a great fit and it’s me who puts in all the work. Any suggestion of anything different than a coffee every few weeks gets knocked back which surprised me now we’re both retired (her for many years without many friends). I guess she chose to be that way. I’m learning retirement isn’t just about how I see my life nowadays, but also adapting friendships too! Perhaps as we get older we don’t have best friends any more, but friends we do certain things with? Whatever happened to best friends? Still, I’m loving a slower more meaningful lifestyle nowadays. Chrissie x
ReplyDeleteHi Chrissie - I can relate to what you're saying about friendships being one-sided. I have experienced my fair share of it and it's draining. I had to let go of some people in my life. It was difficult as I try to accept people for who they are but when there's no reciprocity, I no longer view that as friendship. As we get older it's harder to find and make friends and God knows that good, reliable and trustworthy friends are treasures.
DeleteHi Chrissie - I've found that my friendships have changed as I've gotten older and I certainly have fewer friends - but the ones I've kept have been worth the investment. I'm happy with a coffee and a good chat, and I'm okay with them having friends they do other stuff with (the big group stuff that doesn't work for me anymore). I really like the quiet and the calm - and not having to push and put in all the work - if it's not reciprocated, I'm happy to let things drift. It's a nice feeling being autonomous enough that I can let friends go who are on a different path.
DeleteAt 58, I feel the shift of letting go of old patterns, seeking authenticity, and drilling down to how I really want my life to be. I recently left a job that was no longer a good fit, have distanced from some extended family drama that I'm powerless to change, and am learning that we don't owe everyone an explanation and must live with sometimes being misunderstood. Again, still in the process, but I'm feeling calmer and more like "myself" than I think I've ever felt before. Thanks for your posts, Leanne, and for sharing your insights!
ReplyDeleteHi Laura - what you wrote is EXACTLY how I felt at 58 and the changes were the same as those I made. Getting out of a job that was a terrible fit, staying out of family dramas, letting go of the need to prove myself, and just going in the direction that felt like "me" and what was authentic to who I wanted to be and what felt "right". It's such an unexpected blessing to have this time of life where I feel so much more centered and at peace with myself and life in general. Thanks so much for your thoughts and encouragement - I really appreciate it. x
DeleteHello Leanne - I can't say that my life is easier due to losing the love of my life a few years ago (seems like yesterday) and many dear friends who passed away. In addition to losing family members I live with chronic pain. I am still the one who keeps reaching out and putting in the effort but now I am letting go of some people (cousins) who apparently don't believe in reciprocity. I had to let them go as I have limited energy. These people were fine as long as I was the one, calling, sending them cards and checking up on them but they didn't care enough to do the same for me. Life's too short. Thank you for sharing, Leanne. You're my sunshine on a cloudy, rainy day. Always looking forward to your posts. 💛
ReplyDeleteHi Yvonne - life definitely has it's challenges - and you've had more than your fair share. I think I find the reduction in friends easier because I have my husband around, so I'm very sorry about the loss of your lovely partner. My focus these days seems to be a lot more inward and away from chasing 'friendships' or taking on too much. I'm happy in my own space, doing a lot less, but feeling a lot more settled and at peace. I'm so glad you're still enjoying my posts - I always appreciate your point of view that you share here. x
DeleteI still struggle with what I call presenteeism, but to be honest, that also has its upsides. Letting go of expectations remains my challenge.
ReplyDeleteHi Jo - I think some people find it less draining than others to be present and involved. It's definitely good to be part of a community - but these days I want it to be one where I don't have to be running the show. I just want a quieter, deeper engagement - less has become more for me (and that helps with the expectations too!) x
DeleteHi Leanne. The most significant thing that I've let go of is trusting other people's thoughts, and opinions, more than I trust my own. I believe in myself so much more. It really comes down to having the confidence, that I realize now, just comes from age, and wisdom. Thank you for sharing this interesting post. Christina Daggett
ReplyDeleteHi Christina - lovely to hear from you and I hope all's going well in your world. And a big Yes to trusting our own self-belief over what we think others believe about us and about the world. I like that "you do you boo" saying - it just diffuses the whole thing for me down to everyone being entitled to their own opinion while I happily live in my little space - less stress, less competition, and a lot more serenity. :)
DeleteHi Leanne, your posts are always insightful and thought provoking! Being happy with what we have is so important as is making the most of how we want to spend our time. You seem to have got it down pat now!
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - what I love most is that it's different for each of us, and we get to decide what's a good fit, and what we can release into the wild :) Having the time and head space to figure out what's worth keeping and what to discard has been such a blessing in Midlife - and I never take it for granted.
DeleteYes to all of these, Leanne! Once again, I am surprised at how much alike our retirement journey has been in terms of mindset and growth.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - me too! I think there's a tribe of Midlife women who finally figured out the changes they needed to make to have the life they want after all the years of needing to be there for everyone else. I'm just very happy, content, and peaceful - exactly where I want to be. :)
DeleteI continue to work on letting go of my self-limiting beliefs, including the deep down voice that tells me I'm not good enough. I had release as a WOTY a number of years ago and that started this journey of letting go. I've let go of a lot, and continue the journey. Self acceptance, spending more time being, practicing gratitude, awareness of abundance...all that I continue to work on. I might still have a bad day now & then, a spiral into negativity, but in general, contentment and hope for the future is more the norm.
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - I wonder how many Midlifers had "Release" as a WOTY at some stage of their journey? There's a lot that we carry with us from our younger days that no longer serves and it's such a relief when we learn to put it down and to choose more intentionally what we carry into the future. I'm glad you're finding contentment and hope - I think the progress on the house would definitely be adding to that. :)
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