BEING STRUCK BY A CONCEPT
Recently I saw a quote online that was titled "Realignment" and it wasn't the quote itself that really struck me, it was the title that stood out - the concept of becoming realigned into who we are meant to be. It feels like Midlife has been my era of realignment - where I've shed the layers that aren't needed anymore to create a space where I feel at home in myself at last, and where I'm finally thriving.
These are some of the areas where I feel I've realigned over the last decade or so:
A MIDLIFE REALIGNMENT
1. LOSING THE NEED TO PEOPLE PLEASE
All my life I've based my happiness on how happy the people around me were. The happier they were, the happier I was. I fitted the "you're only as happy as your unhappiest child/friend" mantra to a tee - and I'd do my utmost to rescue, fix, juggle, multi-task, squash myself...or whatever else was needed to keep the peace and to be likeable. Now I'm realigning into being able to find my own happiness - still impacted by others, but not solely dependent on their feelings.
2. HAVING A MORE COMPASSIONATE INNER VOICE
My inner mean girl voice has always been a problem - I was my harshest critic, the biggest worrier, the least able to see my positive qualities, and the first to judge myself unfairly. There's just something about me that made me harder on myself than on anyone else. Realignment has meant turning that inner voice down, and and replacing it with a reminder that I don't have to listen to its ugly little whispers has allowed me to be kinder to myself - and to others.
3. CREATING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
Ohhh this is a big one - I didn't even know there were boundaries before my mid-50's! It took a toxic work colleague, a near nervous breakdown, and a long climb out of a fairly dark pit, to realize that it was my responsibility to draw a line in the sand and say "this is what I will allow". Relignment means I still struggle with this when insensitive people step over into my space, but I see what it is and I'm better at recovering.
4. LIVING IN THE "NOW"
I mentioned my innate ability to worry about everything - it's been a drag all my life - I worried about finances, about my husband, about my children, about my work, about my self-esteem, and about my ability to meet expectations. If I wasn't worrying about something that had happened, I was worrying about something that could happen, it was constant and draining. Letting that go and focusing on the present moment has realigned my thinking into focusing on what is actually happening, rather than an imagined outcome or possibility.
5. LETTING GO OF COMPARE AND DESPAIR
Comparison is definitely the thief of joy. When I was younger I constantly compared myself with others - and social media was an extra layer of compare and despair. Seeing everyone's highlight reels of their perfect lives, perfect families, perfect holidays, perfect jobs - well, it was disheartening to say the least. It took me until Midlife to realize that nobody has a perfect life, and when we're honest with each other we can let that facade down and see that life happens to all of us - good and bad - and overall I'm doing just fine. Realigning my understanding of what I actually need for a good life has meant that I can let others do what makes them happy, while I get on with doing what makes me happy.
6. FINDING MY SELF-WORTH OUTSIDE OF PRODUCTIVITY
Another big one for me over the years was basing my worth on how much I could fit into my week. I was really good at juggling multiple tasks competently and it bolstered my confidence when I was feeling like I had control of my world. The more I could successfully accomplish, the better I felt - and that's not a healthy way for someone like me to live. It took early retirement, un-retirement, and re-retirement, plus a loss of my social capacity to finally see that I was just fine without all those props. Realignment has been an eye-opener in this regard because I've discovered that I'm really, really good without all that activity - I'm more "me" doing life in retirement than I ever was when I was so busy.
A QUOTE FROM VEX KING THAT SUMS THIS ALL UP
This era is about internal alignment. I'm done performing, proving, and chasing. I'm listening to my intuition, protecting my peace, and choosing connections that feel nourishing. I'm building a life that feels like home within myself.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Has the second half of life woken you up to anything that needed realignment - either intentionally, or by a change in circumstances? Do you feel like you've lost yourself along the way? Or are you more "you" now?
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That's a lovely quote from Vex King. He seems to really get being human with all its vulnerabilities and challenges. You are going so well in getting to know YOU at this time of life I reckon Leanne. Your words here make a lot of sense to many and I too am benefitting by becoming 'my better friend to me'. Take care, Denyse x
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - yes, I'm finding a lot of Vex King's thoughts to be spot on with what I'm learning at this stage of life. One of the things I've really appreaciated about the last decade has been finding out what feels more "me" and less what I've been told to be. I'm still a long way from getting it all sorted, but each lesson brings me one step closer to being aligned with who I was meant to be. I'm so glad you're finding the same. x
DeleteHi Leanne, Your phrase ‘create a space’ resonated with me. I am constantly working on ‘space’ in my life … it is too easy to 100% fill up my schedule - and space is where I recharge and ‘realign’ and live in the ‘now.’ You describe this well.
ReplyDeleteThe other words I love in your post are ‘intuition’ and ‘protecting my peace.’ I am a work in progress, especially some of the inevitable drama that happens with specific people. Many, many people 'nourish' and I try to focus on this. Always interesting to read your thoughtful posts, Leanne. xxErica
Leanne, Well, it was #1 - Check. #2 - Check. #3 - Check (Is she writing my blog for me?) #4 - Check, #5 - Check,. #6 - Check. So, yes to every single one of your points! Not quite sure it's realignment for me, as I think it's more dramatic than that. Realignment sounds a bit like going to the chiropractor and not really sure he did anything! This is more a becoming --- who I really am. Almost a metamorphosis. So, more for me than realignment or internal alignment. But I love your 6 poiints!
ReplyDeleteThis is so good and (as you so oftenm do) speaks exactly to where my heart is. I'm jotting these headings down in my journal to think on more. Thank you for sharing your journey and insights. Still amazes me God led me here, have no idea how, from my world in South Carolina, but He sure has usued you to encourage me in this season!
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