WHAT KIND OF "VERT" AM I?
I used to think there were only two personality types when it came to "vert-dom" and they were extravert and introvert. Then I found a third "vert" when I discovered the ambivert - someone who was a little bit of both - depending on the situation.
Now I've been told by the all-knowing AI that there are actually SIX types of "vert"s out there....
THE SIX TYPES OF "VERT"
- Introvert: Gains energy from solitude and quiet environments; feels drained after long social interactions.
- Extravert: Thrives on social interaction and external stimulation; gains energy from being around large groups.
- Ambivert: Sits in the middle of the spectrum; balances both social and solo tendencies flexibly depending on the day or context.
- Omnivert: Experiences sharp, distinct swings between extreme introversion and extreme extroversion rather than staying balanced in the middle.
- Otrovert: A newer trending descriptor for individuals who are outwardly focused and energized specifically by engaging with new perspectives and relational bonds.
- Selectrovert: Outgoing and charming, but strictly selective, choosing to turn on their social energy only for a specific, close-knit circle of people.
SO WHICH KIND OF "VERT" AM I?
My husband is the quintessential introvert - he enjoys his own company, he's not into social small talk, he is a big fan of silence and long hikes in the bush. In comparison, I always appeared to be the extravert of the family - I'm louder, chattier, smilier, he says I'm 'sparklier' (I like that), and generally more sociable..... but what we both missed for a long time was the fact that this persona comes with a fair amount of performance anxiety.
I'm good at being bright and chatty with people I'm comfortable with, but I find it quite stressful being social with strangers. I have a constant inner dialogue critiquing what I think other people are thinking about me - and whether they're judging me, and how far below the mark I'm falling. It has become exhausting to maintain my outgoing face when I'm in unfamiliar territory - so much so that I tend to avoid large groups and any type of event.
CHANGING MY "VERT"
Several years ago when I discovered the term "ambivert" I thought I'd finally clicked into a "vert" that was more "me". I could socialise, but I also needed quiet time to recharge afterwards. That fitted well up until the toxic job fallout and the wariness that generated inside me - I just seem to be on alert more these days and hyper-sensitive to negativity and superficiality. I really don't trust that everyone is who they project themselves to be. I don't feel as safe as I used to in a social context.
When I saw this new list of "vert"s I was drawn to the last one - "selectrovert" - it sounds ridiculous, but I do love the idea of keeping my social energy for people in a trusted tight-knit circle. I have fewer friends these days, a handful of women who I feel connected to and who I trust that I can be myself with - not having to filter everything before I say it. They know me, they have similar worldviews and values, there are differences where we can challenge each other without judgement, and we encourage each other to be our best selves. They're my safe place.
OWNING MY "VERT"
So, I've decided to be social where I'm comfortable, to take my quiet downtime when needed, and to take ownership of the fact that getting older has narrowed my social bandwidth - and that's okay. I'm never going to be a "lady who lunches", or a concert goer, or a cruise ship passenger - those things drain me, but I can be a good friend, a good wife, mother, daughter, I can put my energy into the places that fill my cup and allow me to fill other people's cups - just not too many at a time.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Do you see yourself in the list of six "vert"s? Has your level of "vert-dom" changed over time? Does getting older change how we relate to the world around us in a social context?
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