Wednesday, 19 April 2017

The A-Z Challenge ~ Why Midlife's Fabulous ~ Ageing Parents

The A-Z Challenge ~ Why Midlife's Fabulous ~ Ageing Parents

PARENTING

Midlife brings with it a change in parenting. We spent 20+ years raising our children from babies into becoming capapble, self-sufficient adults. We breathed a sigh of relief as they launched themselves successfully into the world and thought we could sit back and rest on our laurels.

What we hadn't noticed during all the time we focused on our own little family, was that our parents were growing older. They went from being Midlifers to becoming "old people" while we were looking the other way.

THE OTHER END OF THE SPECTRUM

The other end of life's spectrum has come, as our parents start to take the place of our children. They've gotten older and as their health and mobility decreased, so their needs increased. I know many people who have parents who are completely dependent on them, whether it's from age and incapacity or from Alzheimers or from loneliness, they are now taking up a lot of time and attention.

WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS

We are fortunate in the fact that my Mum is still robust and busy leading a great life. She travels and socializes and even has a younger lover to keep her busy. She would be mortified to think that she needed me to care for her, but at the same time, when she had a knee replacement last year, we were there for her and took her in full time until she was fit enough to go home. The experience gave me great admiration for those who do this sort of thing all the time.

My husband's parents are have reached the frail aged stage where they are needing more support. They are pretty self sufficient most of the time, but they are calling for help more often. Their garden has become too much, the household maintenance is too much - just climbing a ladder to change a lightbulb is risky now days. They are downsizing their lives but regardless, Midlife parenting has taken on a whole new definition.

STAYING YOUNG

I'm hoping that with good health and loads of vitality, we won't be too much of a burden on our children when it's their turn for Midlife. We are certainly a lot a lot healthier and more independent than the preceding generations were at our age - and I might add, we are rocking the whole grandparenting gig! Maybe we'll be dancing our way into our 90's and our kids will have to run to catch up!

the hardest part of growing up is realizing your parents are growing old

If you'd like to read more about Ageing Parents you can go HERE or HERE.

See you tomorrow for Q which is for Quotes about Midlife.

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21 comments:

  1. WOW! You're really knocking out the challenge, huh? You go girl! Thank you Leanne for attending the #WednesdayAIMLinkParty. I shared your post on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, and Twitter.

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  2. I agree. Watching your parents age is definitely one of the hardest pieces of 'growing up'. Thanks for sharing this important post.

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  3. I agree. We are reaching the age where our kids help us in ways I would never have anticipated, although we are still independent and live alone in a town far from them.

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  4. You've hit a sore spot here, Leanne. While my parents are still totally independent in their late 60s, mid-70s, I fear that this won't (of course) be that way forever, as much as I wished. They're both so active, enjoying their hobbies and friends that the thought of them becoming immobile and possibly depressed about it, hurts.
    My Grandma is 97 and lives at a nursing home. Up until about three years ago she was doing well, considering her age, but these days, every time I see her, she is so fragile and confused, and she keeps telling me "it's been nice, but it's enough now, and I want to go."

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  5. Sad sweet post that tugged at the heart strings. Glad to hear your Mum's doing fine and that your In-laws are still ok. Yes, hopefully us mid lifers won't be too much of a burden on our children.

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  6. These topics you've chosen for your A to Z Theme are so important!! So many things we avoid talking about while we go along acting as if everything is 'perfect'. Thanks, Leanne!!
    https://meinthemiddlewrites.com/2017/04/18/let-that-shit-go/

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  7. Aging, is of course, inevitable. I'm using the lessons of the aging octogenarians in my life for when I get there. We are truly the sandwich generation. Yesterday I was at a cardiologist appointment with my aging father and he mentioned he needed a replacement from the neck up. (He has a bit of dementia, some neck issues and a shunt in his brain). Laugh or you'll cry, right? My Virtual Vineyard

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  8. SO true... This is where we are and seeing our parents need help more and more often... sometimes it can get to be quite busy w/ still raising our kids and taking care of parents too. What a blessing they are, but it does take thought.

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  9. I'm really worried about my parents, they are ageing and this just makes me sad

    http://slimexpectations.com/2017/04/letter-p/

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  10. We are just starting down the path of this here. And I think it's new enough that I feel grateful that they are willing to lean on me and allow me to help them. But I can see, as time goes on, I will need to call in for reinforcements.

    xoxo

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  11. yes i do worried about my parents age and the problems they may face, but i'll try my best to be with them at every step.
    Thanks for sharing
    Dr Bushra
    Do visit mineP for Positive outlook to deal with Stress During Pregnancy

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  12. This is so true! My Mum suffers from Osteo Arthritis but is still very active however my Mother in Law who suffers from Parkinsons, is very dependant on others. I often find myself remembering how they both were when they were my age & it's crazy to think of where we are now.

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  13. Right after I lost my parents is when it really hit me that I was growing old.

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  14. Watching your parents age is a tender time, and being aware of shifting roles is often fraught with surprises and sometimes sadness. What a valuable topic you've posted about.

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  15. The hubster's parents are in the process of downsizing to a smaller home and block in town, instead of their acreage property. They're in Toowoomba though which is 2 hours from us so I'm guessing a lot of the responsibility will fall to my sister-in-law as she also lives there. My Dad is 74, but I think my stepmum (who is 62) helps to keep him young!

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  16. I think we need to reframe how we think of caring for the generation before us. I cared for my parents before they died. It was hard. It was exhausting. It was not what I planned. But it was not a BURDEN. They were my family and that's what families do. Now the way that care plays out is different of every family. But is should be spoken of as care. And while I exercise, eat right, get check-ups and do everything I can to maintain my health, all it takes is an accident, fall or disease to change things in a blink of an eye. My mom was a healthy, rockin' 82 year old, who had a sudden stroke and died 6 weeks later. My dad was doing the best he could at 90 and his hip just shattered. He didn't fall. He was sitting in his chair one day and couldn't get up. He died 7 weeks later. Although neither of them lingered all that long in their infirmary, I must say I have been frightened of become that dependent for ANY length of time. But the fact of the matter is - unless we die suddenly, aging will take it's course and we will likely need help. I hope my kids will want to care for me.

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  17. This is very relevant to me Leanne, as I'm visiting my mother at the moment. My dad is in an Aged care facility due to Parkinson's Disease and other issues so it is very hard seeing him this way. My mother needs support in other ways as she is fit and full of vitality, but it is very hard seeing the shifting pattern of ageing happen right in front of your eyes. Thanks for your honest and interestenig post. You're doing really well with the A-Z challenge too by the way!!

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  18. I didn't look the other way while raising my 4 daughters and I think that's because my grandmother always took such care of the older members of our family. Grandmother never considered herself old or a senior citizen and took great care of some folks who were younger than she. I think this kept me aware of the future. Plus, we're such a close knit-family even with our extended members we just can't help but see what's going on. Luckily, both my parents are still doing their thing by themselves as is my aunt who is 6 years older than my parents- she'll be 90 next year. My parents are divorced and my dad remarried decades ago but Mother never did, nor has my auntie ever married. I know when the time comes I will be the one to step in and provide care for my mother and aunt. The bad news is when Mother had her gall bladder removed she came here and I discovered I am a horrid caregiver. I don't have the stuff that the wonderful people who do it daily have. As you mentioned, I discovered an admiration for them, too. You make an excellent point about trying to keep ourselves active and healthy in the hopes of not burdening our children. I'm working on my fitness level now and it makes a huge difference. Wonderful post! Visiting from AIM link party!

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  19. My husband and I both took our turns at caring for our aging parents in their last years. I wish we had children as we are now approaching the age when they needed that help. We must help each other now in ways we did not need to before. We are both doing all we know how to stay healthy, since we have no one to help we won't have to pay.

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  20. Seeing my Baba and my Grandma now around 90 and my parents around 60., it does scare me about them aging or getting sick. When you are young you think 60 is old and your grandparents are that old but when you are older, and realize your parents are the age your grandparents we're when you were small it's frightening. I just pray they continue to have good health and in a few years have a wonderful retirement that they get to enjoy. Great piece!

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  21. Congrats Leanne! Your post received the Most Clicks at the #WednesdayAIMLinkParty. See here: http://grammysgrid.com/wednesday-aim-link-party-14/

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