YOU DON'T GET TO CHOOSE YOUR AGE, BUT YOU DO GET TO CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE

If we accept that aging happens to us all, then we can move past that and look at how we're going to age well.

AGING IS INEVITABLE

No matter whether we feel our age or we feel a couple of decades younger, the reality is that we are aging and there is a process that we need to come to grips with. We can accept it, we can fight it, we can deny it, we can resent it, we can complain about it.....or we can choose to make the best of it.

I've passed the 60 milestone and my mind sometimes finds that hard to believe. I don't feel "60" and I don't feel like I'm heading rapidly towards becoming a senior citizen, but it's a fact that I can't change or reverse - I can only accept it and decide what I want to do about it...

Hey! I don’t know about you... but I’m feeling forty-two

IT'S ALL ABOUT OUR CHOICES

If we accept that aging happens to us all, then we can move past that and look at how we're going to age well. Midlife blogging has been a wonderful window into how others are living the second half of life well. I see some choosing physical fitness, others choose travel, others choose study and re-invention, others are retiring, others are focusing on their families and their grandchildren, others are mourning their empty nests, or separating from their partners and starting again.

This final half of life plays out very differently for each choice we make as we have more time to focus on ourselves and what we need to do life authentically and well. I like that we make different choices, and watching that play out in various ways - it gives me a little snippet of what my life would look like if I followed a similar path.

WHY CHOOSING WELL IS SO IMPORTANT

If we don't actively and intentionally choose to age well, we won't just tread water - life will take us onward regardless. I'm starting to look more closely at women a couple of decades ahead of me and seeing where they've landed and how choosing (or not choosing) to be proactive has played out for them. Life isn't stagnant, it's always changing and forming us in the process - the question is "are we being formed, transformed, or deformed?"

If we make poor choices, if we don't intentionally direct our lives towards what feels "right" then we can become stale, dissatisfied, at a loose end, regretful, disconnected, and generally invisible and lost. I see women who lose their purpose somewhere along the way, and have become shadows of who they were as they aged. I see others who've embraced the freedom that getting older has brought, and they've gone on to live really a contented and fulfilling second half of life.

we don't get to choose our age, but we do get to choose our attitude

CHOOSING YOUR ATTITUDE IS THE KEY

With aging there are some non-negotiables: 

  • Our bodies will age physically - we slow down, we ache more, we think slower, we often don't juggle as many balls as we used to. So it's up to us to treat our bodies well, to move, to eat healthily, to stay interested and engaged in the world around us. We need to get outside in the sunshine, find ways to get some quality sleep, pace ourselves so we aren't exhausted, and to keep ourselves as physically well as we're able - in ways that feel do-able and not miserable.
  • Our families grow up - if we've done our parenting job well, our children grow up and move on independently. They form families of their own, they have careers, they make their own homes, they travel, they create their own lives and worlds. So, it's up to us to fit in around that, to be their cheerleaders and to encourage them in their independence. We need to find our own independence and to mesh that with theirs, to be available but to give them the freedom to include us in a way that works for them too. We need to be able to be happy with them and without them.
  • Our lives become smaller - some might not agree with that statement and I'm really happy for them if their lives are continuing to expand, but I find for a lot of us, we retire from the workforce, we settle into a quieter and more mellow routine, our friendship groups get smaller and deeper, our needs are simpler and more easily satified. We can choose to let that be a disappointment and to feel a little lost, or we can find contentment while being open to new ideas, new people, or new activities - embracing challenges when they come along, while being satisfied with what we have.

AGING AND ATTITUDE GO HAND IN HAND

If we choose our attitude - choose to be content, choose to be happy, choose to be at peace with others, choose to step up when we need to, choose to see the positives, choose to smile, choose to engage with others, choose to make the most of every day - then life rewards us with a very pleasant second half.

I love this stage of life, I think I was born to be retired, each of us does it differently, but if we choose to focus on all the benefits of this time of life, we get to wake up each morning with a smile, and with gratitude foremost in our thoughts. So many people are struggling regardless of their age and stage, appreciating what we have and choosing to look for the silver lining makes such a difference. Good and bad finds its way to all of us, how we handle that is up to us - choose wisely.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

How is the second half of life playing out in your world? Are you finding the joyful glimmers of each day or is it a constant struggle? I really hope you find your sweet spot and aging brings you into a beautiful phase of life.

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If we accept that aging happens to us all, then we can move past that and look at how we're going to age well.

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Cresting the Hill - a blog for Midlife (Middle Aged / 50+) women who want to thrive
If we accept that aging happens to us all, then we can move past that and look at how we're going to age well.

20 comments

  1. Even now, I am focusing on the positives. Well, maybe not every moment of every day, but in general, I am choosing to focus on the positives. Having a couple of realistic cheerleaders has helped - not Polly-Anna's with "it will be fine" platitudes, but realistic "this is *x# ing hard stuff to get through, but you're strong and you've got hubby & friends who will support you...ask for help when you need it., girl!" I know I need to get a update post out, but life's been super hard lately.

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    1. Hi Pat - I was amazed when you pulled together that really good update post you did a week or two ago. I was so relieved to see your can-do attitude and how neither of you has put your head down and asked "why me?" Life happens - mostly for the good, and sometimes for the not-so-great....but we choose our attitude and get on with living it with realistic positivity - you've been a shining example of that. I'll look forward to reading your next update when you have the headspace to create it. x

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  2. Hi, Leanne - You are so right. Attitude makes such a big difference - especially as we age. I just spent a full week with my mom and she was an excellent reminder of this! <3

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    1. Hi Donna - I think when we look at those who are still here in their 80's and 90's we get a snapshot of what life will look like based on what choices we make, and the attitude we take to life's ups and downs. If we're lucky enough to still be around in 20 years time I hope we're both shining examples of joyful living. x

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  3. Hi Leanne, life can seem more complex as we get older. I see friends being ill, having multiple treatments, friends losing partners and not coping with how life is panning out for them. It's sad to see but as you say how we react to these struggles can determine how well we cope.

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    1. Hi Deb - sometimes I feel like I'm living in a little bubble of "in-between" where the hard work of establishing our family etc has passed, and the last phase of life where serious physical ailments, death of loved ones, incapacity etc takes hold. I'm going to do my very best to live this time well - in gratitude for what has already been, and with the hope that I'm investing enough in the "now" to be able to weather whatever comes down the line next.

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  4. It's weird, but yesterday, I didn't see a place to comment. Like I mentioned on FB, I feel that the 60s are the best time in our lives. I never felt like I really knew what I wanted, before. Now I have everything. ♥️

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    1. Hi Christina - I'm glad that whatever was wrong is now right again (it might be why there's less comments on this post?) Anyway, I couldn't agree more, my 60's are turning out to be the decade when I finally feel like I have most of my stuff figured out - still lots of ups and downs, but more certainty about who I am and what matters (and what doesn't!) x

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  5. Leanne, taking care of ourselves, finding ways to fit 'around' our children's lives, and accepting that our world becomes smaller as we age are all valid points and define this stage of life well. I have enjoyed the freedom of this decade, but I have to admit, turning 70 is causing a bit of interal angst. I'd like to think that it will be more of the same, but I know differently. Watching older friends cope with declining health, death of a spouse, memory loss, loss of independence, etc. is scary indeed. I am trying to stay optomistic and look forward to this next decade, but, things are a bit cloudy right now. Thanks for sharing your insights. Spot on, as usual.

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    1. Hi Suzanne - I was thinking the same thing on the weekend when one of my friend's husband commented that he was in his 70's - it blew my mind a little because he wasn't that different in age to me (in my mind) and so 70 wasn't that "far in the distance" age after all. Each decade always hits me with a bit of a jolt and I can imagine how you're feeling. The biggest takeaway for me is that each decade also surprises me with the good stuff it brings with it, so I'm holding my 70's as a time where our hearts and minds become more wise and loving - even if our bodies are slowing and our relationships are changing. Life never stands still..... x

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  6. I think integral to it all is purpose - without it we drift... and move it or lose it - which applies to both physical movement and remaining interested or curious. Attitude is all.

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    1. Hi Jo - you're so right. We don't have to be out there conquering the world, but we do have to have interesting and full lives or we just close ourselves away and become sad and boring individuals. It's different for each of us, but if we can find those things that bring us joy and lift our hearts, then this aging journey can be a really beautiful one.

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  7. I agree that our worlds, in general, get smaller once we have emptied our nest and retired from our careers. I am very happy that my world has gotten smaller. For the most part, I am very content to just keep up with my family, a very few friends, my brother and sister and their families and the bloggers I care about. I don't need a lot of social engagements with superficial friends. Just happy to be home in my world with my peeps.

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    1. Hi Leslie - you said it perfectly. I feel that my world is much smaller than it used to be, but that gives me more of myself to invest where I feel authentic. I used to be spread pretty thin - did it well, but didn't realize how lovely it could be to live slower, to have room to breathe, and to not be on anyone else's timetable but my own. x

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  8. I thought "born to be retired" was interesting and had to comment. Unless we have worked in the many ways we do, then how might we appreciate retirement...Today B and I visited a school where our granddaughters go, and both of us remarked 'yes, we could have easily started teaching again in those rooms' and then we said 'but we have had our time and we are grateful it's up to others.'
    Still I think it's nice we both still belong in that world of education and having our younger grandkids close by is another way we relish the connections. Every second Monday, B is currently helping Miss 15 with Maths, and then they have fun too with Music. I think we are teachers for life, but no longer working in the field. And my principal friends and I get together for catch ups over coffee every few months. Staying connected was so hard when we lived away from Sydney, now I make the most of what I can, when I can!
    Denyse x
    I am always interested in how you view the world in your older years.

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    1. Hi Denyse - I think you feel much more engaged and connected with your teaching field because you chose it and made a career of it. For me, working was all about having a job to pay the bills. I did what I did really well, but it wasn't as much a part of my identity as yours was.....which is maybe why I resonate so much with not having to go to work for someone else - I'm free to be whatever and whoever I want to be now.

      Retirement has been a joy for me so far - and surprisingly, Ross has really enjoyed it since he stopped his counselling business in December last year. I thought he's feel a bit aimless, but he's settled into the freedom and flexibility really well. I've found my feet (or my groove) over the last 5 years, and I really hope it just keeps getting easier and better - so far, so good! x

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  9. Like you, Leanne, I can hardly believe I am in my 60s. I am actually loving this stage of life, but sometimes looking forward is a bit scary. I watched both of my parents struggle physically in their 70s and 80s and their worlds became smaller...not in a good way. That brings me to your first "non-negotiable." As you point out, our bodies will age, but how they age is affected by the way we take care of our bodies. I have put a lot of emphasis on appreciating my body and treating it with respect. For now, I will continue to enjoy the freedom and joy that comes with retirement and the empty nest.

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    1. Hi Christie - that's my approach too, enjoy every moment of this very delightful stage of life, whilst doing my best to stay healthy in mind, body and soul so that I age well into the decades to come. I really do believe that a positive outlook and can-do mindset can make all the difference in the world when it comes to embracing this third third of life. :)

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  10. Hi Leanne Thank you for this beautiful article. I started thinking of my retirement and how I want it to look around 53. I love this line in your article. " The Question is " are we being formed, transformed, or deformed" In my research for reframing ageing I came across the video by Dr Riley Moynes. " 4 phases of Retirement" it's brilliant. Recently I did a presentation for the seniors at our church about getting their affairs in order and I also played this video. I got so many people telling me that it all makes sense now. Someone even asked me to send it to his daughter because he have been trying to tell them how depress he is because they keep telling him to "rest now that he is retired" I wish I had this article then so I could share it with them but I'm saying this article to share it with my friends that are also nearing retirement like me. Once again - thank you !!

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    1. I'm going to find that video and watch it - I think retirement definitely has seasons to it - as does the second half of life (which I wrote about a couple of weeks ago). I also think we all process it differently, but we still get to choose our attitude. I think we'd all like to be strong and healthy and mentally and emotionally connected and engaged every day until we die, but there are going to be tough times and setbacks in amongst the happy sunshine-y days. I'm okay with that because they remind me of the fact that those tough times are minor compared with all the good times and blessings - and the more we look for those glimmers of goodness, the more we see them and the more grateful we become. Life after 50 is so much more joyful than I ever expected - you keep reminding people of that because we need as many positive Midlifers as possible! x

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Thanks so much for your comment - it's where the connection begins.