.png "Amor Fati is used to describe a concept or attitude where one accepts and embraces all of life's experiences - including suffering and loss - as necessary and good.")
MEANINGFUL AND MINDFUL WORDS
As part of my exploration of my Word of the Year "Mindful" I've come across a few terms recently that have caught my eye. They're words that have depth and meaning to them, and they carry a little "something" that I'd like to incorporate into my own life. I've chosen five to explore further over March - which is going to be my month of meaningful, mindful reflection.
The second of these words that drew my interest is a latin term "Amor Fati" - another term I'd never heard before, that resonated and gave me a perspective on how life has been for me over the last few years....
WHAT DOES AMOR FATI MEAN?
Amor fati (noun phrase/noun)is a Latin phrase translating to "love of fate" or "love of one's fate"
Amor Fati is used to describe a concept or attitude where one accepts and embraces all of life's experiences - including suffering and loss - as necessary and good. It is rooted in Stoic philosophy, and involves accepting all life's events as opportunities for growth and resilience rather than expecting a perfect life that is often far from reality.
When things don't go to plan, we can spend our time wishing they were different, or fall into self-pity and ask "why me?", or we can look for the lessons, choose to work our way through, and grow from the battles we fight, and the wins and losses along the way.
CHOOSING ACCEPTANCE OVER CONTROL
This form of acceptance of both the good and the bad in life is not about passively surrendering to everything around us. It’s more about recognising that there are limits to what we can control, learning to accept what we can’t, and focusing on what we can. We can't control everything, but we can choose how we respond to it.
It reduces our anxiety and sense of unfairness if we accept that there will always be both good and bad throughout our lives, and it's up to us how we respond to those events. We don't passively accept everything, rather we actively choose to use what comes our way to grow and mature our worldview.
It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
Epictetus
Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Viktor Frankl
Our character is determined not by our circumstances but by our reaction to those circumstances.
Charles W. Colson
HOW TO PRACTICE AMOR FATI
1. Reframe Resistance: When facing, or experiencing, a difficult situation, rather than trying to escape it, or resenting that it's happening, ask how it can be used for growth.2. Stop "What If's": Release the desire for a different past or future and embrace the present moment. Stop looking to control every outcome and allow life to happen as it has, while seeking to respond with insight and clarity.
3. Find the Lesson: Actively seek the "silver lining" or the lesson in every, even negative, experience. There will always be less than great events in our lives, disappointments, and unfair outcomes - how are you going to respond next time one happens?
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Have you found a greater acceptance of life's ups and downs as you've gotten "older and wiser"? Do you see the potential for growth and developing resistance when life throws up challenges?
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Leanne, this is one of the hardest life lessons of all - choosing acceptance over control. I have always thought of that as surrender, but as I age, I understand that it's akin to 'pick your battles.' Slow down, think, and find the lesson within. We harbored bitterness longer than we should have this past year (the house sale that fell through), but we are more open to letting life unfold. The silver lining, if there is one, is that we didn't rush into a new home purchase and potentially make a big mistake. Time will tell.
ReplyDeleteI've been the same way Suzanne - I'm finally slowing my responses and trying to be a little more considered about the outcomes. I've always been quick to defend myself and those I love, quick to find all the negatives, and quick to compare. Now I'm learning to pause and to accept that not everything is going to be the way I want it to be, but that it can still be good in the end.... and to make the most of the journey in-between. I do hope the house stuff resolves well this year - I'm sure it will, but the waiting can be hard.
DeleteHi Leanne, this is a difficult one for me. On the one hand I can take life’s lows in my stride, but on the other some things really get to me! Just when I think I’ve dealt with one thing well, something far less important can upset me. I try to step back from situations nowadays without being tempted to make a hasty decision or response. This can work well at times when silence is best, and it allows me time to decide on a more measured response. I’m definitely a work in progress! Chrissie x
ReplyDeleteHi Chrissie - I'm still working on all of this too. I think that finding a term that is this old that describes it, shows that it's not new and that people have been struggling with difficult circumstances throughout time. That gives me a little reassurance :) That being said, I'm also realizing that I need to learn to slow my responses, to be more considered, and to not make assumptions - all of these take time to develop...but we'll get there I'm sure - knowing is half the battle. :)
DeleteHi Leanne, I can relate to this phrase and can also see the positives and negatives. I've not heard of it before so thanks again for sharing these words and phrases with us, plus your thoughts on how to enact them. Stopping the 'what ifs' is my hardest thing as I'm an overthinker but I do often look for the opportunities that come.
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - it was a term that I think summed up a lot of what Midlife has taught me, that there will always be tough times, but we get to choose our response, and we get to learn from them and grow and gain wisdom. I also think that life smooths out a little in the second half, so the ups and downs are less tortuous. :)
DeleteFind the lesson. That one is tough for me when I am mid-craziness, mid-chaos or crisis. But I can usually find the lesson down the road. Might take years in some cases, ha!! But I eventually get there. With all the uncertainty in our country and the whole world right now, I find myself with a shorter fuse than usual. And there wasn't much of a fuse even when things were peachy keen. I am trying to slow down my reactions, look at what's around me, take in everything with all 5 senses. And that is helping. Thank you for this reminder that we must learn to embrace all of life...the quiet and the chaos. XO
ReplyDeleteHi Leslie - I think what's going on in our world is the perfect example of choosing your attitude in a situation you have no control over. The world will always be chaotic and noisy - there will always be injustice and wars. We can't change the big picture, but we can focus on where we are and do our best with what we have. I hope that I can bring good to where I am, and that the negatives don't drag me down like they used to....so that's a win in itself. <3
DeleteLeanne - You definitely stirred up my thinking with this one! Did I practice amor fati this past year and a half? While I ranted and raged against the things I could not control, I in fact (usually) recognized they were out of my control. I persisted and did not give up hope. Many neighbors did give up hope, which is disheartening. I do see the silver lining in we will have a new house, as hurricane proof as possible. Interesting new term!
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - maybe we need to do a little ranting every so often to let off steam, then move forward with intention and determination. You did both, and you have a beautiful new home to look forward to. Time is a great healer, and in years to come the ranting will be a distant memory and the house will be a loved home. Amor Fati at its best!
DeleteGoodness me, Leanne, you are doing a LOT to help educate us readers. Thanks for sharing what is important to you and helpful to learn. Warm wishes for your kindness and support always. Denyse x
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - I'm in a bit of a "I've never heard that word before" zone for March - and I figure if it's new to me, it might be new and of interest to others. It's been quite educational and fun to find there's still so much I don't know! x
DeleteAnother great phrase, Leanne. This actually ties into the name of my blog: So what? Now what? We ask ourselves okay, what does this mean for me, and where do I go from here? Your suggestions for practicing Amor Fati are spot-on. And, yes, as I have gotten older and a little wiser, I have gotten better at accepting (if not fully embracing) the things that don't go the way I would have wanted.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - you're right about it tying in with your blog name - now I'll always associate the two! And yes, I don't think we rejoice in difficult times, but we can learn to resist less and flow more. Often the process is more pleasant if we can accept the journey and work our way through. And when I look back, the tough times are often catalysts for growth and maturity that I may not have wanted, but that served a purpose. x
DeleteHi Leanne, I always enjoy reading the comments here and the reader’s thoughts. Another new term for me. A brief smile and aside - how my husband took Latin in school and I have often teased him how this is a reflection of how ‘old’ he is.
ReplyDeleteAccepting and learning from all of life’s experiences - you sum it up well, Leanne, along with the nuances of our personal interpretation. You remind me how this feels like a perfect time on our planet to embrace and lean towards these words and lessons. It is too easy to feel overwhelmed and powerless. In our stage of life, my husband and I have ‘date night’ every night. We discuss challenges and concerns. Yet, overall, how the only certainty we have is the present moment, right here, right now, and how grateful we are. Thank you for sharing your meaningful and mindful reflection. xx Erica
Hi Erica - everything you said is so true. I think we can allow ourselves to be overwhelmed and depressed by the upheaval in our world, or we can choose to focus on the small part of the world that we're a part of and do our best to live well and be kind to those around us.
DeleteI love that you have date night every night - one of the many bonuses of retirement! We go for an afternoon or evening stroll (depending on the weather) and that's our time for discussing the day and all that we've been thinking about. It's lovely to have a sounding board isn't it?
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments and for still popping in after all this time of non-blogging for you. So many have drifted away, so I extra-appreciate you staying in touch. xx
More new words and these I like . I find them useful and familiar. Because of my age I find it easier to accept and relinquish control now. I am comfortable with the acceptance of being okay with less control. Thanks for the new words.
ReplyDeleteHi Judith - I feel much the same way. I think I've given up fighting the flow, and I'm fine with just living gently in the life I now have. When you let life happen and respond rather than react, everything feels much more low key and manageable. :)
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